Us Navy Oath of Enlistment

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was "too corporate", because I didn't want to actually live in the dirt like the Army, and because I thought, 'Hey, I like to swim...why not?"

I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean, "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in the wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case i will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to a point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of new found "colleagues." So help me Neptune!