39 Uses for the P38
This list of P-38 uses was compiled by Steve Wilson, MSG Proponent NCO, Dept. of the Army Office of the Chief of Chaplains, The Pentagon. It is posted at the Ft. Bliss Air Defense Artillery Museum among other places:
1. Can Opener
2. Seam Ripper
3. Screwdriver
4. Clean Fingernails
5. Cut Fishing Line
6. Open Paint Cans
7. Window Scraper
8. Scrape Around Floor Corners
9. Digging
10. Clean Out Groove on Tupperware lids
11. Reach in and Clean Out Small Cracks
12. Scrape Around Edge of Boots
13. Bottle Opener
14. Gut Fish (in the field)
15. Scale Fish (in the field)
16. Test for 'Doneness' When Baking on a Camp Fire
17. Prying Items
18. Strip Wire
19. Scrape Pans in the Field
20. Lift Key on Flip Top Cans
21. Chisel
22. Barter
23. Marking Tool
24. Deflating Tires
25. Clean Sole of Boot/Shoe
26. Pick Teeth
27. Measurement
28. Striking Flint
29. Stirring Coffee
30. Puncturing Plastic Coating
31. Knocking on Doors
32. Morse Code
33. Box Cutter
34. Opening Letters
35. Write Emergency Messages
36. Scratch an Itch
37. Save as a Souvenir
38. Rip Off Rank for On-the-Spot Promotions
39. Bee sting removal tool (scrape off w/ blade)
I also add it can be used as a ruler. It is 1 1/2 inches long.
Do you have any P-38 stories to share?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
P-38 Can Opener
P-38 Can Opener
During the WWII, Korean and Vietnam Wars when GI's were ready to devour their delicious meals of K or C-Rations they used their trusty P-38s to open the cans. It wasn't the famous WWII fighter plane or a German pistol, it was an amazingly simple little piece of 1-1/2 inch stamped metal that was developed in just 30 days during the Summer of 1942 by the Subsistence Research Laboratory in Chicago.
It's official designation is 'US ARMY POCKET CAN OPENER' or 'OPENER, CAN, HAND, FOLDING, TYPE I', but it is more commonly known aas the P-38, which it supposedly acquired from the 38 Punctures required to open a C-Ration can.
It is also known by many as a "John Wayne" by those in the Navy and Marines because he was shown opening a can of C-Rations using a P-38 in a WWII training film. From then on Sailors and Marines referred to them as a "John Wayne".
Originally P-38s came wrapped in brown Kraft paper packets with a diagram and directions how to use printed on it. This is the information taken directly from the wrapper:
CAN OPENER DIRECTIONS
Open blade. Place opener as shown in diagram. Twist down to puncture slot in can top inside rim. Cut top by advancing opener with rocking mo-tion. Take small bites.
STERILIZE BEFORE RE-USE
Tie string through hole in opener to wash and ster-ilize with mess-gear if possible. When boiling water is unavailable, clean opener as thorough-ly as possible and hold cutting blade over a match flame a few sec-onds immediately before use.
About a dozen P-38s came packed in a case of C-Rations. Because everyone was hoarding them only 3 were included in a case. These handy gadgets have adorned the dog tag chains and key rings of WWII, Korean and Vietnam war vets ever since opening their first can of C-rats with one. I wear one on my dog tag chain. The word SHELBY is almost worn off. I also have one on my car key chain and mototcyle key chain.
GIs held C-Ration can opening races using P-38s which were usually won by who could open a C-rat can in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
During the WWII, Korean and Vietnam Wars when GI's were ready to devour their delicious meals of K or C-Rations they used their trusty P-38s to open the cans. It wasn't the famous WWII fighter plane or a German pistol, it was an amazingly simple little piece of 1-1/2 inch stamped metal that was developed in just 30 days during the Summer of 1942 by the Subsistence Research Laboratory in Chicago.
It's official designation is 'US ARMY POCKET CAN OPENER' or 'OPENER, CAN, HAND, FOLDING, TYPE I', but it is more commonly known aas the P-38, which it supposedly acquired from the 38 Punctures required to open a C-Ration can.
It is also known by many as a "John Wayne" by those in the Navy and Marines because he was shown opening a can of C-Rations using a P-38 in a WWII training film. From then on Sailors and Marines referred to them as a "John Wayne".
Originally P-38s came wrapped in brown Kraft paper packets with a diagram and directions how to use printed on it. This is the information taken directly from the wrapper:
CAN OPENER DIRECTIONS
Open blade. Place opener as shown in diagram. Twist down to puncture slot in can top inside rim. Cut top by advancing opener with rocking mo-tion. Take small bites.
STERILIZE BEFORE RE-USE
Tie string through hole in opener to wash and ster-ilize with mess-gear if possible. When boiling water is unavailable, clean opener as thorough-ly as possible and hold cutting blade over a match flame a few sec-onds immediately before use.
About a dozen P-38s came packed in a case of C-Rations. Because everyone was hoarding them only 3 were included in a case. These handy gadgets have adorned the dog tag chains and key rings of WWII, Korean and Vietnam war vets ever since opening their first can of C-rats with one. I wear one on my dog tag chain. The word SHELBY is almost worn off. I also have one on my car key chain and mototcyle key chain.
GIs held C-Ration can opening races using P-38s which were usually won by who could open a C-rat can in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
How to make Chipped Beef on Toast. (also known as S.O.S.)
Chipped Beef on Toast(a.k.a. Creamed Beef on Toast, S.O.S., Shit on a Shingle)
Remember SOS? Of course you do! We've all eaten this culinary delight, and some even developed a taste for it. Depending upon who prepared it, SOS could be pretty good, especially if you were starving.
Here is an official U.S. Army recipe for Chipped Beef on Toast or S.O.S. (my dad and step dad both were mess sergeants at one time during their military careers):
CREAMED BEEF ON TOAST (S.O.S.)
1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 tbsp. sifted flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
2 tbsp. butter
Brown ground beef in its own fat. Remove excess fat and save to make the gravy.
Season with salt and pepper.
To make the gravy, place 2 tbsp. reserved fat in a heavy pan.
Slowly add sifted flour, stirring constantly over low heat until thoroughly blended.
Cook for five minutes. Do not brown.
Combine milk and water.
Add butter and scald (not burn) in heavy pan.
Add gravy to scalded milk, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended.
Add meat mixture and cook about 10 minutes, or until desired consistency.
Serve on toast.
Of course, the real recipe used to feed E Company, 502nd, 101st Airborne at the Mess Hall had the measures written in buckets, shovels, fists and other measures that we're probably better off not knowing.
Airborne!!!
All the way!!!!
Remember SOS? Of course you do! We've all eaten this culinary delight, and some even developed a taste for it. Depending upon who prepared it, SOS could be pretty good, especially if you were starving.
Here is an official U.S. Army recipe for Chipped Beef on Toast or S.O.S. (my dad and step dad both were mess sergeants at one time during their military careers):
CREAMED BEEF ON TOAST (S.O.S.)
1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 tbsp. sifted flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
2 tbsp. butter
Brown ground beef in its own fat. Remove excess fat and save to make the gravy.
Season with salt and pepper.
To make the gravy, place 2 tbsp. reserved fat in a heavy pan.
Slowly add sifted flour, stirring constantly over low heat until thoroughly blended.
Cook for five minutes. Do not brown.
Combine milk and water.
Add butter and scald (not burn) in heavy pan.
Add gravy to scalded milk, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended.
Add meat mixture and cook about 10 minutes, or until desired consistency.
Serve on toast.
Of course, the real recipe used to feed E Company, 502nd, 101st Airborne at the Mess Hall had the measures written in buckets, shovels, fists and other measures that we're probably better off not knowing.
Airborne!!!
All the way!!!!
C-Ration Ammo Can Cooking
Take one empty ammo can, a loose round could change the taste of your field meal.
Empty the Beef Steak from a B-1 Unit, Beef Steak, Potatoes and Gravy from a B-2 Unit and Spiced Beef from a B-3 Unit into the empty ammo can.
Add just a bit of water.
Stir over heat until thoroughly heated.
Add a splash of tobasco sauce to taste.
Feeds four civilians or two hungry grunts.
Empty the Beef Steak from a B-1 Unit, Beef Steak, Potatoes and Gravy from a B-2 Unit and Spiced Beef from a B-3 Unit into the empty ammo can.
Add just a bit of water.
Stir over heat until thoroughly heated.
Add a splash of tobasco sauce to taste.
Feeds four civilians or two hungry grunts.
C-Ration "Instant Joy"
Mix together "Peanut Butter + Crackers + Coffee + Sugar + Creamer + Coco Base Powder (Crush it all up and mix in a little water) = Instant Joy."
Or,
Take the fruit cake, pour some peach juice into the can and heat.
Anyone else have recipe's they'd like to share?
Or,
Take the fruit cake, pour some peach juice into the can and heat.
Anyone else have recipe's they'd like to share?
C-Ration accessory pack contents
C-Ration Accessory Pack Contents
Spoon, Plastic
Salt
Pepper
Coffee, Instant
Sugar
Creamer, Non-dairy
Gum, 2 Chicklets
Cigarettes, (4 smokes in a pack) Winston, Marlboro, Salem, Pall Mall, Camel, Chesterfield, Kent, Lucky Strike, Kool
Matches, Moisture Resistant
Toilet Paper
Stimulator, Dental (which was bascially a small piece of wood you chewed on to soften and spread out and use as a poor substitute for a tooth brush.)
Spoon, Plastic
Salt
Pepper
Coffee, Instant
Sugar
Creamer, Non-dairy
Gum, 2 Chicklets
Cigarettes, (4 smokes in a pack) Winston, Marlboro, Salem, Pall Mall, Camel, Chesterfield, Kent, Lucky Strike, Kool
Matches, Moisture Resistant
Toilet Paper
Stimulator, Dental (which was bascially a small piece of wood you chewed on to soften and spread out and use as a poor substitute for a tooth brush.)
C-Rations
C-RATIONS
The C-Ration, or Type C ration, was an individual canned, pre-cooked ration issued to U.S. military land forces when fresh food (A-ration) or packaged unprepared food (B-ration) prepared in mess halls or field kitchens was impractical or not available and when a survival ration (K-ration or D-ration) was insufficient. Development began in 1938, with the first rations being field tested in 1940 and wide scale adoption following soon after. Following World War II, cost concerns later caused the C-ration to be standardized for field issue regardless of environmental suitability or weight limitations.
The C ration was replaced in 1958 with the Meal, Combat, Individual (MCI). Although officially a new ration the MCI was derived from and very similar to the original C ration, and in fact continued to be called "C rations" by American troops throughout its service life (1958-1980), although this nomenclature is, in a strictly technical sense, incorrect.
"Iron Ration" (1907-1922)
The first attempt to make an individual ration for issue to soldiers in the field was the "iron ration", first introduced in 1907. It consisted of three 3-ounce cakes (made from a concoction of beef boullion powder and parched and cooked wheat), three 1-ounce bars of sweetened chocolate, and packets of salt and pepper. The ration was issued in a sealed tin packet that weighed one pound, and was designed for emergency use when the troops were unable to be supplied with food. It was later discontinued by the adoption of the "Reserve Ration", but findings from the development and use of the Iron Ration went into the development of the emergency D-ration.
"Reserve Ration" (1917-1937)
The Reserve Ration was a ration issued during the latter part of World War I to feed troops who were away from a garrison or field kitchen. It originally consisted of 12 ounces of bacon or one pound of meat (usually canned corned beef), two 8-ounce cans of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, a packet of 1.16 ounces of pre-ground coffee, a packet of 2.4 ounces of granulated sugar, and a packet of 0.16 ounces of salt. There was also a separate "tobacco ration" of 0.4 ounces of tobacco and 10 cigarette rolling papers, later replaced by brand-name machine-rolled cigarettes.
After the war, there were attempts to improve the ration based on input from the field. In 1922, the ration was reorganized to consist of 1 pound of meat (usually beef jerky), 3 ounces of canned corned beef or chocolate, 14 ounces of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, coffee and sugar. In 1925, the meat ration was replaced with canned pork and beans. In 1936, there was an attempt at variety by having an "A"-menu of corned beef and a "B"-menu of pork and beans. This was cancelled upon introduction of the new Field Ration, Type C, in 1938.
Commercially prepared meals were used in the field and at times when hot meals were not available. These meals came in a case containing 12 meals. Each meal was in it's own cardboard box, which contained the individual items sealed in cans. A can opener (called both a "John Wayne" or a "P-38") was needed to open the cans. The accessory pack with each meal was sealed in a foil pouch.
This is the official Quartermaster's description of C-Rations used in Vietnam;
"The Meal, Combat, Individual, is designed for issue as the tactical situation dictates, either in individual units as a meal or in multiples of three as a complete ration. Its characteristics emphasize utility, flexibility of use, and more variety of food components than were included in the Ration, Combat, Individual (C Ration) which it replaces. Twelve different menus are included in the specification.
Each menu contains: one canned meat item; one canned fruit, bread or dessert item; one B unit; an accessory packet containing cigarettes, matches, chewing gum, toilet paper, coffee, cream, sugar, and salt; and a spoon. Four can openers are provided in each case of 12 meals. Although the meat item can be eaten cold, it is more palatable when heated.
Each complete meal contains approximately 1200 calories. The daily ration of 3 meals provides approximately 3600 calories." (It'll make a turd the size of a number ten coffee can)
There were 4 choices of meat in each B group. Because there were several "vintages" of C’s issued to the Marines in Vietnam, more than 4 items may be listed in the B groups as well as the brands of cigarettes included in the accessory pack.
B-1 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Beef Steak, Ham and Eggs, Chopped Ham Slices, Turkey Loaf. Fruit: one can of - Applesauce, Fruit Cocktail, Peaches or Pears. Crackers (7 ea.), Peanut Butter, Solid Chocolate, and Accessory Pack.
B-2 UnitsMeat Choices (in larger cans): Beans and Wieners (my favorite), Spaghetti and Meatballs, Beefsteak, Potatoes and Gravy, Ham and Lima Beans, Meatballs and Beans, Crackers (4 ea.), Processed Cheese Spread, Fruit Cake, Pecan Roll, Pound Cake (always a good trade item, as it was excellent pound cake) Accessory Pack.
B-3 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Boned Chicken, Chicken and Noodles, Meat Loaf, Spiced Beef Bread, White Cookies (4 ea.), Cocoa Beverage Powder, Jam- Apple, Berry, Grape,
Mixed Fruit, Strawberry, Accessory Pack.
The C-Ration, or Type C ration, was an individual canned, pre-cooked ration issued to U.S. military land forces when fresh food (A-ration) or packaged unprepared food (B-ration) prepared in mess halls or field kitchens was impractical or not available and when a survival ration (K-ration or D-ration) was insufficient. Development began in 1938, with the first rations being field tested in 1940 and wide scale adoption following soon after. Following World War II, cost concerns later caused the C-ration to be standardized for field issue regardless of environmental suitability or weight limitations.
The C ration was replaced in 1958 with the Meal, Combat, Individual (MCI). Although officially a new ration the MCI was derived from and very similar to the original C ration, and in fact continued to be called "C rations" by American troops throughout its service life (1958-1980), although this nomenclature is, in a strictly technical sense, incorrect.
"Iron Ration" (1907-1922)
The first attempt to make an individual ration for issue to soldiers in the field was the "iron ration", first introduced in 1907. It consisted of three 3-ounce cakes (made from a concoction of beef boullion powder and parched and cooked wheat), three 1-ounce bars of sweetened chocolate, and packets of salt and pepper. The ration was issued in a sealed tin packet that weighed one pound, and was designed for emergency use when the troops were unable to be supplied with food. It was later discontinued by the adoption of the "Reserve Ration", but findings from the development and use of the Iron Ration went into the development of the emergency D-ration.
"Reserve Ration" (1917-1937)
The Reserve Ration was a ration issued during the latter part of World War I to feed troops who were away from a garrison or field kitchen. It originally consisted of 12 ounces of bacon or one pound of meat (usually canned corned beef), two 8-ounce cans of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, a packet of 1.16 ounces of pre-ground coffee, a packet of 2.4 ounces of granulated sugar, and a packet of 0.16 ounces of salt. There was also a separate "tobacco ration" of 0.4 ounces of tobacco and 10 cigarette rolling papers, later replaced by brand-name machine-rolled cigarettes.
After the war, there were attempts to improve the ration based on input from the field. In 1922, the ration was reorganized to consist of 1 pound of meat (usually beef jerky), 3 ounces of canned corned beef or chocolate, 14 ounces of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, coffee and sugar. In 1925, the meat ration was replaced with canned pork and beans. In 1936, there was an attempt at variety by having an "A"-menu of corned beef and a "B"-menu of pork and beans. This was cancelled upon introduction of the new Field Ration, Type C, in 1938.
Commercially prepared meals were used in the field and at times when hot meals were not available. These meals came in a case containing 12 meals. Each meal was in it's own cardboard box, which contained the individual items sealed in cans. A can opener (called both a "John Wayne" or a "P-38") was needed to open the cans. The accessory pack with each meal was sealed in a foil pouch.
This is the official Quartermaster's description of C-Rations used in Vietnam;
"The Meal, Combat, Individual, is designed for issue as the tactical situation dictates, either in individual units as a meal or in multiples of three as a complete ration. Its characteristics emphasize utility, flexibility of use, and more variety of food components than were included in the Ration, Combat, Individual (C Ration) which it replaces. Twelve different menus are included in the specification.
Each menu contains: one canned meat item; one canned fruit, bread or dessert item; one B unit; an accessory packet containing cigarettes, matches, chewing gum, toilet paper, coffee, cream, sugar, and salt; and a spoon. Four can openers are provided in each case of 12 meals. Although the meat item can be eaten cold, it is more palatable when heated.
Each complete meal contains approximately 1200 calories. The daily ration of 3 meals provides approximately 3600 calories." (It'll make a turd the size of a number ten coffee can)
There were 4 choices of meat in each B group. Because there were several "vintages" of C’s issued to the Marines in Vietnam, more than 4 items may be listed in the B groups as well as the brands of cigarettes included in the accessory pack.
B-1 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Beef Steak, Ham and Eggs, Chopped Ham Slices, Turkey Loaf. Fruit: one can of - Applesauce, Fruit Cocktail, Peaches or Pears. Crackers (7 ea.), Peanut Butter, Solid Chocolate, and Accessory Pack.
B-2 UnitsMeat Choices (in larger cans): Beans and Wieners (my favorite), Spaghetti and Meatballs, Beefsteak, Potatoes and Gravy, Ham and Lima Beans, Meatballs and Beans, Crackers (4 ea.), Processed Cheese Spread, Fruit Cake, Pecan Roll, Pound Cake (always a good trade item, as it was excellent pound cake) Accessory Pack.
B-3 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Boned Chicken, Chicken and Noodles, Meat Loaf, Spiced Beef Bread, White Cookies (4 ea.), Cocoa Beverage Powder, Jam- Apple, Berry, Grape,
Mixed Fruit, Strawberry, Accessory Pack.
How to make a C-Ration cup
How to make a C-Ration Coffee Cup
Obtain the empty B (large, dry) can from the C-ration meal.
Open the top and leave about a quarter inch of the lid attached.
Bend it outward.
Bend the ends down (like wings) to form a handle.
Deluxe (reusable) Version
Remove the top of the can completely.
Obtain 2 lengths of the bailing wire off of the C-Ration case.
Obtain a solid, sturdy stick about 4 inches long.
Notch out a groove around the stick near both ends.
Wrap each length of wire around both top & bottom ends of the can and twist the wire around itself leaving enough twisted wire to twist around the grooves in both ends of the stick 1 inch from the can creating a very nice handle.
Trim off excess wire.
Obtain the empty B (large, dry) can from the C-ration meal.
Open the top and leave about a quarter inch of the lid attached.
Bend it outward.
Bend the ends down (like wings) to form a handle.
Deluxe (reusable) Version
Remove the top of the can completely.
Obtain 2 lengths of the bailing wire off of the C-Ration case.
Obtain a solid, sturdy stick about 4 inches long.
Notch out a groove around the stick near both ends.
Wrap each length of wire around both top & bottom ends of the can and twist the wire around itself leaving enough twisted wire to twist around the grooves in both ends of the stick 1 inch from the can creating a very nice handle.
Trim off excess wire.
How to make C-Rations Ham and Mothers...
How to make C-Rations Ham & Mothers
Open and heat a can of Ham and Lima Beans, or lovingly called, ham and mother fuckers.
When hot, add one can of cheese spread and stir until all cheese is melted.
Crumble 4 crackers into the mixture and blend thouroughly.
Eat when the crackers have absorbed all excess moisture.
Open and heat a can of Ham and Lima Beans, or lovingly called, ham and mother fuckers.
When hot, add one can of cheese spread and stir until all cheese is melted.
Crumble 4 crackers into the mixture and blend thouroughly.
Eat when the crackers have absorbed all excess moisture.
How to heat a C-ration meal
How to Heat a C-Ration Meal
Choose the meal to be heated. This is done by being the first to the case and get what you like, give the ones that no one else wants to the FNG.
Open the can lid leaving at least 1/4 inch metal attached.
Bend the still attached lid to the outside.
Bend the edges of the can to form a handle.
Set meal on stove that you have made from an empty C-ration can. Place a trioxin heat tab, or a small piece of C-4 under the stove and heat to desired temperature, stirring fequently to prevent burning.
Friendly reminder - if you are able to cook your selection before the C-4 burns out, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out.
Choose the meal to be heated. This is done by being the first to the case and get what you like, give the ones that no one else wants to the FNG.
Open the can lid leaving at least 1/4 inch metal attached.
Bend the still attached lid to the outside.
Bend the edges of the can to form a handle.
Set meal on stove that you have made from an empty C-ration can. Place a trioxin heat tab, or a small piece of C-4 under the stove and heat to desired temperature, stirring fequently to prevent burning.
Friendly reminder - if you are able to cook your selection before the C-4 burns out, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out.
How to make a C-ration stove
How to make a C-Ration Stove
After eating a C-ration meal, the empty can was for making a stove. Using a P-38 or"John Wayne," pierce a series of closely spaced holes around the top and bottom rims of the can. This type of stove did not allow enough oxygen to enter which caused incomplete burning of the Trioxin heat tablet, causing fumes which irritated the eyes and respiratory tract.
A better stove was created by simply using the can opener end of a "church key" (a flat metal device designed to open soft drink and beer containers with a bottle opener on one end and can opener on the other commonly used before the invention of the pull tab and screw-off bottle top and all of us as teenagers kept in our cars) to puncture triangular holes around the top and bottom rims of the can which resulted in a hotter fire and much less fumes. With this type of stove only half a Trioxin heat tab was needed to heat the meal.
A small chunk of C-4 explosive could also be substituted for the Trioxin tablet for faster heating. It would burn hotter and was much better for heating water. . A stove was usually carried in the back pack or cargo pocket and used repeatedly until the metal began to fail.
A friendly reminder - if the canned meal is cooked before the C-4 burns up, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out!
After eating a C-ration meal, the empty can was for making a stove. Using a P-38 or"John Wayne," pierce a series of closely spaced holes around the top and bottom rims of the can. This type of stove did not allow enough oxygen to enter which caused incomplete burning of the Trioxin heat tablet, causing fumes which irritated the eyes and respiratory tract.
A better stove was created by simply using the can opener end of a "church key" (a flat metal device designed to open soft drink and beer containers with a bottle opener on one end and can opener on the other commonly used before the invention of the pull tab and screw-off bottle top and all of us as teenagers kept in our cars) to puncture triangular holes around the top and bottom rims of the can which resulted in a hotter fire and much less fumes. With this type of stove only half a Trioxin heat tab was needed to heat the meal.
A small chunk of C-4 explosive could also be substituted for the Trioxin tablet for faster heating. It would burn hotter and was much better for heating water. . A stove was usually carried in the back pack or cargo pocket and used repeatedly until the metal began to fail.
A friendly reminder - if the canned meal is cooked before the C-4 burns up, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A thank you to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq....
Date: Thursday, November 19, 2009, 8:01 PM
A Thank You to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq ....
A guy gets time to think over here and I was thinking about all the support we get from home. Sometimes it's overwhelming. We get care packages at times faster than we can use them. There are boxes and boxes of toiletries and snacks lining the center of every tent; the generosity has been amazing. So, I was pondering the question: "Why do we have so much support?"
In my opinion, it all came down to one thing: Vietnam Veterans. I think we learned a lesson, as a nation, that no matter what, you have to support the troops who are on the line, who are risking everything. We treated them so poorly back then. When they returned was even worse. The stories are nightmarish of what our returning warriors were subjected to. It is a national scar, a blemish on our country, an embarrassment to all of us.
After Vietnam , it had time to sink in. The guilt in our collective consciousness grew. It shamed us. However, we learned from our mistake.
Somewhere during the late 1970's and on into the 80's, we realized that we can't treat our warriors that way. So ... starting during the Gulf War, when the first real opportunity arose to stand up and support the troops, we did. We did it to support our friends and family going off to war. But we also did it to right the wrongs from the Vietnam era. We treat our troops of today like the heroes they were, and are, acknowledge and celebrate their sacrifice, and rejoice at their homecoming ... instead of spitting on them.
And that support continues today for those of us in Iraq . Our country knows that it must support us and it does. The lesson was learned in Vietnam and we are all better because of it.
Everyone who has gone before is a hero. They are celebrated in my heart. I think admirably of all those who have gone before me. From those who fought to establish this country in the late 1770's to those I serve with here in Iraq . They have all sacrificed to ensure our freedom.
But when I get back home, I'm going to make it a personal mission to specifically thank every Vietnam Vet I encounter for THEIR sacrifice. Because if nothing else good came from that terrible war, one thing did. It was the lesson learned on how we treat our warriors. We as a country learned from our mistake and now we treat our warriors as heroes, as we should have all along.
I am the beneficiary of their sacrifice. Not only for the freedom they, like veterans from other wars, ensured, but for how well our country now treats my fellow Marines and I. We are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice.
Semper Fidelis,
Major Brian P. Bresnahan
United States Marine Corps
A Thank You to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq ....
A guy gets time to think over here and I was thinking about all the support we get from home. Sometimes it's overwhelming. We get care packages at times faster than we can use them. There are boxes and boxes of toiletries and snacks lining the center of every tent; the generosity has been amazing. So, I was pondering the question: "Why do we have so much support?"
In my opinion, it all came down to one thing: Vietnam Veterans. I think we learned a lesson, as a nation, that no matter what, you have to support the troops who are on the line, who are risking everything. We treated them so poorly back then. When they returned was even worse. The stories are nightmarish of what our returning warriors were subjected to. It is a national scar, a blemish on our country, an embarrassment to all of us.
After Vietnam , it had time to sink in. The guilt in our collective consciousness grew. It shamed us. However, we learned from our mistake.
Somewhere during the late 1970's and on into the 80's, we realized that we can't treat our warriors that way. So ... starting during the Gulf War, when the first real opportunity arose to stand up and support the troops, we did. We did it to support our friends and family going off to war. But we also did it to right the wrongs from the Vietnam era. We treat our troops of today like the heroes they were, and are, acknowledge and celebrate their sacrifice, and rejoice at their homecoming ... instead of spitting on them.
And that support continues today for those of us in Iraq . Our country knows that it must support us and it does. The lesson was learned in Vietnam and we are all better because of it.
Everyone who has gone before is a hero. They are celebrated in my heart. I think admirably of all those who have gone before me. From those who fought to establish this country in the late 1770's to those I serve with here in Iraq . They have all sacrificed to ensure our freedom.
But when I get back home, I'm going to make it a personal mission to specifically thank every Vietnam Vet I encounter for THEIR sacrifice. Because if nothing else good came from that terrible war, one thing did. It was the lesson learned on how we treat our warriors. We as a country learned from our mistake and now we treat our warriors as heroes, as we should have all along.
I am the beneficiary of their sacrifice. Not only for the freedom they, like veterans from other wars, ensured, but for how well our country now treats my fellow Marines and I. We are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice.
Semper Fidelis,
Major Brian P. Bresnahan
United States Marine Corps
Sales pitch
Sales Pitch...
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.
Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated:
"If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now... Which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.
Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated:
"If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now... Which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Times are tough
Times are tough
Everybody knows how gung-ho Marines are, and how they're always looking for things to volunteer for, right?
Well, a Marine sees a flyer that is advertising a project to cross a human male with a female gorilla. The flyer asks him to participate in the project for $500.
The guy figures, okay, and he goes to the research facility where the experiment is going on. He walks in, and the project director shows him the gorilla.
The Marine thinks for a minute, then says, "Okay, I've got three conditions: first, no kissing. I'm not gonna kiss that hairy beast; Second, I'm not gonna spend the night. I'm gonna do my thing and leave."
The director says that he has no problem with these two conditions. "So what's your final one?" he asks.
"Well, times are tough, and I don't have the $500. Do you think we could work out a payment plan?"
Everybody knows how gung-ho Marines are, and how they're always looking for things to volunteer for, right?
Well, a Marine sees a flyer that is advertising a project to cross a human male with a female gorilla. The flyer asks him to participate in the project for $500.
The guy figures, okay, and he goes to the research facility where the experiment is going on. He walks in, and the project director shows him the gorilla.
The Marine thinks for a minute, then says, "Okay, I've got three conditions: first, no kissing. I'm not gonna kiss that hairy beast; Second, I'm not gonna spend the night. I'm gonna do my thing and leave."
The director says that he has no problem with these two conditions. "So what's your final one?" he asks.
"Well, times are tough, and I don't have the $500. Do you think we could work out a payment plan?"
Telling Marine jokes
Telling Marine Jokes
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says,
''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says,
''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
Pointing the Irish Marine finger
Pointing the Irish Marine finger
Two Marines graduated Basic Training and were informed that they were being sent to school to become Marine Corps Helicopter Mechanics.
After graduation from helicopter mechanic school, they were sent to their first duty station, and were assigned to work on the flight line.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!"
Two Marines graduated Basic Training and were informed that they were being sent to school to become Marine Corps Helicopter Mechanics.
After graduation from helicopter mechanic school, they were sent to their first duty station, and were assigned to work on the flight line.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!"
Marine entrance exam
Subject: MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) CATHOLIC ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? ___ (a) Westerners ___ (b) Southerners ___ (c) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton. Bush: ________________ Carter: ______________ Clinton: _____________
10. Six Kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from? ___ (a) Macy's ___ (b) a 7-11 ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) THE SKY
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? ___ (a) yes ___ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? ___ (a) New York ___ (b) FLORIDA ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? ___ (a) B.C. ___ (b) A.D.
* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify
* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) CATHOLIC ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? ___ (a) Westerners ___ (b) Southerners ___ (c) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton. Bush: ________________ Carter: ______________ Clinton: _____________
10. Six Kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from? ___ (a) Macy's ___ (b) a 7-11 ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) THE SKY
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? ___ (a) yes ___ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? ___ (a) New York ___ (b) FLORIDA ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? ___ (a) B.C. ___ (b) A.D.
* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify
* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.
Marine introduction
Marine introduction
Three 'gentlemen' are seated together on a cross-country plane trip.
After about an hour the first gentleman, by way of breaking the ice, puts down his New York Times and announces -
"My name is Johnathon Smith."
"Lt. General."
"U.S. Army."
"Retired."
"Served in Korea and Vietnam."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Doctors."
He picks up his paper and continues to read.
About half an hour later, the second gentleman puts down his Washington Post and says, "Dillard Jones.
"Major General."
"U.S. Air Force."
"Retired."
"Served in Vietnam and Gulf War I."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Lawyers."
He then picks up his paper and continues to read.
Later on, the third man puts down his Dailey Racing Form and grunts, "Gus Miller."
"Gunnery Sergeant."
"U.S. Marines Corps"
"Discharged"
"Served in Korea and Vietnam and Gulf War I and Gulf War II."
"NEVER married."
"Two sons, -------- Both Generals!"
Three 'gentlemen' are seated together on a cross-country plane trip.
After about an hour the first gentleman, by way of breaking the ice, puts down his New York Times and announces -
"My name is Johnathon Smith."
"Lt. General."
"U.S. Army."
"Retired."
"Served in Korea and Vietnam."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Doctors."
He picks up his paper and continues to read.
About half an hour later, the second gentleman puts down his Washington Post and says, "Dillard Jones.
"Major General."
"U.S. Air Force."
"Retired."
"Served in Vietnam and Gulf War I."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Lawyers."
He then picks up his paper and continues to read.
Later on, the third man puts down his Dailey Racing Form and grunts, "Gus Miller."
"Gunnery Sergeant."
"U.S. Marines Corps"
"Discharged"
"Served in Korea and Vietnam and Gulf War I and Gulf War II."
"NEVER married."
"Two sons, -------- Both Generals!"
Marines are not stupid!
Marines are not stupid!
After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
How the Marine Corps became a branch of the Navy
How the Marine Corps become a branch of the Navy.
The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy:
It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.
The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.
Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.
The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.
The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy:
It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.
The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.
Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.
The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pray for me
Pray for Me
Mahmud Ahmadinejad and Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani (current and former conservative presidents) are in an airplane over Tehran.
Ahmadinejad says, "I am going to throw down $100, and let 10 Iranian citizens get them and pray for me."
Rafsanjani, who is richer by far, replies, "I am going to throw out $1,000, and let 100 citizens pray for me."
Provoked by the bravado of both men, the pilot mumbles, "I am going to throw both of you out, and let 70 million Iranians pray for me."
Mahmud Ahmadinejad and Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani (current and former conservative presidents) are in an airplane over Tehran.
Ahmadinejad says, "I am going to throw down $100, and let 10 Iranian citizens get them and pray for me."
Rafsanjani, who is richer by far, replies, "I am going to throw out $1,000, and let 100 citizens pray for me."
Provoked by the bravado of both men, the pilot mumbles, "I am going to throw both of you out, and let 70 million Iranians pray for me."
Kilroy Was Here
Kilroy was here is an American popular culture expression, often seen in graffiti. Its origins are open to speculation, but recognition of it and the distinctive doodle of "Kilroy" peeking over a wall is known almost everywhere among U.S. residents who lived during World War II and through the Korean War.
Similar doodles also appear in other cultures. In an Australian variant, the character peeping over the wall is not named Kilroy but Foo, as in "Foo was here". In the United Kingdom, such graffiti is known as a "chad". In Chile, the graphic is known as a "sapo" (slang for nosy); this might refer to the character's peeping, an activity associated with frogs because of their protruding eyes. In Mexico it is known as "El Fisgon". A very similar figure is "Tosun" in Turkey. Tosun is both a less used male name and also refers to a bullock. It is used as "Bunu yazan Tosun" ("Tosun wrote this"). In Poland Kilroy is replaced with "Józef Tkaczuk", an elementary school janitor (as an urban legend says). Graffiti writings have the form of sentences like "Gdzie jest Józef Tkaczuk?" ("Where is Joseph Tkatchuk?") and "Tu byłem - Józef Tkaczuk" ("I was here - Joseph Thatchuk"). It has appeared in movies as well—at the end of the World War II war comedy Kell's Heroes, Kelly and his men leave the doodle in a bank they've just robbed, along with the words, "UP YOURS, BABY". It appears in the 1970 film Patton on the side of a tank.
Origins
The phrase appears to have originated through United States servicemen, who would draw the doodle and the text "Kilroy Was Here" on the walls or elsewhere they were stationed, encamped, or visited.
One theory identifies James J. Kilroy (1902–1962), an American shipyard inspector, as the man behind the signature. During World War II he worked at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, Mass., where he claimed to have used the phrase to mark rivets he had checked. The builders, whose rivets J. J. Kilroy was counting, were paid depending on the number of rivets they put in. A riveter would make a chalk mark at the end of his or her shift to show where they had left off and the next riveter had started. Unscrupulous riveters discovered that, if they started work before the inspector arrived, they could receive extra pay by erasing the previous worker's chalk mark and chalking a mark farther back on the same seam, giving themselves credit for some of the previous riveter's work. J.J. Kilroy stopped this practice by writing "Kilroy was here" at the site of each chalk mark. At the time, ships were being sent out before they had been painted, so when sealed areas were opened for maintenance, soldiers found an unexplained name scrawled. Thousands of servicemen may have potentially seen his slogan on the outgoing ships and Kilroy's omnipresence and inscrutability sparked the legend. Afterwards, servicemen could have begun placing the slogan on different places and especially in new captured areas or landings. At some later point, the graffito (Chad) and slogan (Kilroy was here) must have merged.
The New York Times indicated this as the origin in 1946, based on the results of a contest conducted by the American Transit Association to establish the origin of the phenomenon. The article noted that Kilroy had marked the ships themselves as they were being built—so, at a later date, the phrase would be found chalked in places that no graffiti-artist could have reached (inside sealed hull spaces, for example), which then fed the mythical significance of the phrase—after all, if Kilroy could leave his mark there, who knew where else he could go?
Another possibility is that Kilroy was actually Richard Kilroy O'Malley, from Butte, Montana, author of "Mile High, Mile Deep" and an Associated Press correspondent during World War II who was subsequently posted in Berlin, Korea, Cyprus, Paris, North Africa and the Belgian Congo.
Kilroy was the most popular of his type in World War II, as well as today. Herbie (Canadian), Chad (British- World War II), and Mr. Foo (Australian- World War I & II) never reached the popularity Kilroy did. The ‘major’ Kilroy graffito fad ended in the 1950s, but today people all over the world still scribble ‘Kilroy was here’ in schools, trains, and other similar public areas.
Legends
There are many urban legends attached to the Kilroy graffiti. One states that Adolf Hitler believed that Kilroy was some kind of American super spy because the graffiti kept turning up in secure Nazi installations, presumably having been actually brought on captured Allied military equipment.
Another states that Stalin was the first to enter an outhouse especially built for the leaders at the Potsdam conference. Upon exiting, Stalin asked an aide: "Who is this Kilroy?" Another legend states that a German officer, having seen frequent "Kilroys" posted in different cities, told all of his men that if they happened to come across a "Kilroy" he wanted to question him personally.
The graffiti is supposedly located on various significant or difficult-to-reach places such as on the torch of the Statue of Liberty, on the Marco Polo Bridge in China, in huts in Polynesia, on a high girder on the George Washington Bridge in New York, at the peak of Mt. Everest, on the underside of the Arc de Triumphe, scribbled in the dust on the moon, in World War II pillboxed scattered around Germany, and around the sewers of Paris.
According to a History Channel's account, young men were hired in 1937 to help move the gold bars at fort Knox, KY. In one scene, when the narrator mentions that some of these workers left graffiti, the message "Kilroy was here" appears on a wall briefly but distinctly with the date 5/13/37.
Similar doodles also appear in other cultures. In an Australian variant, the character peeping over the wall is not named Kilroy but Foo, as in "Foo was here". In the United Kingdom, such graffiti is known as a "chad". In Chile, the graphic is known as a "sapo" (slang for nosy); this might refer to the character's peeping, an activity associated with frogs because of their protruding eyes. In Mexico it is known as "El Fisgon". A very similar figure is "Tosun" in Turkey. Tosun is both a less used male name and also refers to a bullock. It is used as "Bunu yazan Tosun" ("Tosun wrote this"). In Poland Kilroy is replaced with "Józef Tkaczuk", an elementary school janitor (as an urban legend says). Graffiti writings have the form of sentences like "Gdzie jest Józef Tkaczuk?" ("Where is Joseph Tkatchuk?") and "Tu byłem - Józef Tkaczuk" ("I was here - Joseph Thatchuk"). It has appeared in movies as well—at the end of the World War II war comedy Kell's Heroes, Kelly and his men leave the doodle in a bank they've just robbed, along with the words, "UP YOURS, BABY". It appears in the 1970 film Patton on the side of a tank.
Origins
The phrase appears to have originated through United States servicemen, who would draw the doodle and the text "Kilroy Was Here" on the walls or elsewhere they were stationed, encamped, or visited.
One theory identifies James J. Kilroy (1902–1962), an American shipyard inspector, as the man behind the signature. During World War II he worked at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, Mass., where he claimed to have used the phrase to mark rivets he had checked. The builders, whose rivets J. J. Kilroy was counting, were paid depending on the number of rivets they put in. A riveter would make a chalk mark at the end of his or her shift to show where they had left off and the next riveter had started. Unscrupulous riveters discovered that, if they started work before the inspector arrived, they could receive extra pay by erasing the previous worker's chalk mark and chalking a mark farther back on the same seam, giving themselves credit for some of the previous riveter's work. J.J. Kilroy stopped this practice by writing "Kilroy was here" at the site of each chalk mark. At the time, ships were being sent out before they had been painted, so when sealed areas were opened for maintenance, soldiers found an unexplained name scrawled. Thousands of servicemen may have potentially seen his slogan on the outgoing ships and Kilroy's omnipresence and inscrutability sparked the legend. Afterwards, servicemen could have begun placing the slogan on different places and especially in new captured areas or landings. At some later point, the graffito (Chad) and slogan (Kilroy was here) must have merged.
The New York Times indicated this as the origin in 1946, based on the results of a contest conducted by the American Transit Association to establish the origin of the phenomenon. The article noted that Kilroy had marked the ships themselves as they were being built—so, at a later date, the phrase would be found chalked in places that no graffiti-artist could have reached (inside sealed hull spaces, for example), which then fed the mythical significance of the phrase—after all, if Kilroy could leave his mark there, who knew where else he could go?
Another possibility is that Kilroy was actually Richard Kilroy O'Malley, from Butte, Montana, author of "Mile High, Mile Deep" and an Associated Press correspondent during World War II who was subsequently posted in Berlin, Korea, Cyprus, Paris, North Africa and the Belgian Congo.
Kilroy was the most popular of his type in World War II, as well as today. Herbie (Canadian), Chad (British- World War II), and Mr. Foo (Australian- World War I & II) never reached the popularity Kilroy did. The ‘major’ Kilroy graffito fad ended in the 1950s, but today people all over the world still scribble ‘Kilroy was here’ in schools, trains, and other similar public areas.
Legends
There are many urban legends attached to the Kilroy graffiti. One states that Adolf Hitler believed that Kilroy was some kind of American super spy because the graffiti kept turning up in secure Nazi installations, presumably having been actually brought on captured Allied military equipment.
Another states that Stalin was the first to enter an outhouse especially built for the leaders at the Potsdam conference. Upon exiting, Stalin asked an aide: "Who is this Kilroy?" Another legend states that a German officer, having seen frequent "Kilroys" posted in different cities, told all of his men that if they happened to come across a "Kilroy" he wanted to question him personally.
The graffiti is supposedly located on various significant or difficult-to-reach places such as on the torch of the Statue of Liberty, on the Marco Polo Bridge in China, in huts in Polynesia, on a high girder on the George Washington Bridge in New York, at the peak of Mt. Everest, on the underside of the Arc de Triumphe, scribbled in the dust on the moon, in World War II pillboxed scattered around Germany, and around the sewers of Paris.
According to a History Channel's account, young men were hired in 1937 to help move the gold bars at fort Knox, KY. In one scene, when the narrator mentions that some of these workers left graffiti, the message "Kilroy was here" appears on a wall briefly but distinctly with the date 5/13/37.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Take the General's temperature...
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.” After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed.
The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don`t move. I`ll be back in five minutes to check up on you.” and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What`s going on here?”
“Haven`t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.
“Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.” After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed.
The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don`t move. I`ll be back in five minutes to check up on you.” and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What`s going on here?”
“Haven`t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.
“Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”
Navy shaved head....
One ship in the squadron had a captain whose officers idolized him, and tried to emulate his every action.
When he bought a particular brand of cologne, all the other officers began wearing the same cologne.
When he started smoking a pipe, so did the officers.
One day, the captain returned from shore with his head shaved!
Sure enough, that evening, all the officers in his crew crowded into the base barber shop to have their head shaved, too.
The next morning, the captain appeared on the bridge, looked around at all the bald pates, and without a word, reached up and pulled off his skin-head wig.
When he bought a particular brand of cologne, all the other officers began wearing the same cologne.
When he started smoking a pipe, so did the officers.
One day, the captain returned from shore with his head shaved!
Sure enough, that evening, all the officers in his crew crowded into the base barber shop to have their head shaved, too.
The next morning, the captain appeared on the bridge, looked around at all the bald pates, and without a word, reached up and pulled off his skin-head wig.
You might be a soldier if....
You might be a soldier if.....
1. …The day after payday you realize you’ve spent half of your earnings on “champagne” for a woman who speaks broken English and pretends to be interested in your war stories….
2. …Instead of a gold chain around your neck, you’ve got a stainless steel one threaded through a P38…
3. …Your street addresses have been Infantry Blvd, Howitzer Lane and Helmet Drive…
4. …Your wife responds to “hooah” and understands what it means regardless of the context you present it in…
5. …When in a strange place and needing a restroom, you ask where the latrine is…
6. …When you go camping, you first check for possible avenues of approach
7. …You ridicule other campers for setting up down wind and down slope of the latrine.
8. …You’re the only one that doesn’t complain about having to stand and eat at the same time at parties.
9. …When you’re stopped by police for speeding, you give the excuse that you’ve just returned from Germany where there are no speed limits.
10. …You’re always conscious of your per diem spending limit when in a nightclub on TDY.
11. …You’ve ever used your poncho-liner as a bed spread.
12. …You have a bottle of Tabasco sauce ready for every meal.
13. …You still have an urge to line up your shoes under your bed.
14. …Either you or your spouse have a least one pair of camouflage underwear.
15. …You’ve ever answered the phone at home like the CQ.
16. ..the only time you and the wife eat without the kids is at the unit “dining out”.
17. …you always back into parking spaces.
18. …you have to lookup your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all.
19. … each page of your vacation atlas has two routes marked.
20. …your favorite author is Harold Coyle, Mike Malone, or Tom Clancy.
21. …when your kids are too noisy, you announce “at ease!”
22. …you don’t own any blue ink pens.
23. …you keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies.
24. …when talking to relatives by phone, you end the conversation with “out here.”
25. …you refer to your spouse as “Household 6″ or CINC House.”
26. …you’ve seen Patton enough times to memorize his speech.
27. …CNN is your favorite program.
28. …you call the Post Locator instead of Information to find your friends.
29. …you take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags.
30. …your kids can speak three languages by age eight.
31. …the only suit you own is your Class A uniform.
32. …you carry your pager to the shower.
33. …your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states.
34. …you convince your wife that all ten of your guns are necessary for home protection.
35. …you have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car.
36. ….you tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and they try to explain that its only nine o’clock.
37. ….the allotment column of your LES has more entries than the entitlement column.
38. …no one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms.
39. …you can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house.
40. ….your kids know the words to “she wore a yellow ribbon.”
41. ….your two-year old calls everyone in BDUs “daddy”.
42. …the phone book lists your rank instead of Mr.
43. …your spouse hasn’t unpacked the good china for twenty years.
44. …your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall.
45. …you ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes.
46. …you live on post so you can hear reveille every morning.
47. ….your family calls you “Sir.”
48. ….all your jokes begin with “there was this soldier, a marine and an airman…”
49. And the biggest indicator … if you understood and related to the above list!!!!!
1. …The day after payday you realize you’ve spent half of your earnings on “champagne” for a woman who speaks broken English and pretends to be interested in your war stories….
2. …Instead of a gold chain around your neck, you’ve got a stainless steel one threaded through a P38…
3. …Your street addresses have been Infantry Blvd, Howitzer Lane and Helmet Drive…
4. …Your wife responds to “hooah” and understands what it means regardless of the context you present it in…
5. …When in a strange place and needing a restroom, you ask where the latrine is…
6. …When you go camping, you first check for possible avenues of approach
7. …You ridicule other campers for setting up down wind and down slope of the latrine.
8. …You’re the only one that doesn’t complain about having to stand and eat at the same time at parties.
9. …When you’re stopped by police for speeding, you give the excuse that you’ve just returned from Germany where there are no speed limits.
10. …You’re always conscious of your per diem spending limit when in a nightclub on TDY.
11. …You’ve ever used your poncho-liner as a bed spread.
12. …You have a bottle of Tabasco sauce ready for every meal.
13. …You still have an urge to line up your shoes under your bed.
14. …Either you or your spouse have a least one pair of camouflage underwear.
15. …You’ve ever answered the phone at home like the CQ.
16. ..the only time you and the wife eat without the kids is at the unit “dining out”.
17. …you always back into parking spaces.
18. …you have to lookup your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all.
19. … each page of your vacation atlas has two routes marked.
20. …your favorite author is Harold Coyle, Mike Malone, or Tom Clancy.
21. …when your kids are too noisy, you announce “at ease!”
22. …you don’t own any blue ink pens.
23. …you keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies.
24. …when talking to relatives by phone, you end the conversation with “out here.”
25. …you refer to your spouse as “Household 6″ or CINC House.”
26. …you’ve seen Patton enough times to memorize his speech.
27. …CNN is your favorite program.
28. …you call the Post Locator instead of Information to find your friends.
29. …you take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags.
30. …your kids can speak three languages by age eight.
31. …the only suit you own is your Class A uniform.
32. …you carry your pager to the shower.
33. …your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states.
34. …you convince your wife that all ten of your guns are necessary for home protection.
35. …you have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car.
36. ….you tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and they try to explain that its only nine o’clock.
37. ….the allotment column of your LES has more entries than the entitlement column.
38. …no one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms.
39. …you can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house.
40. ….your kids know the words to “she wore a yellow ribbon.”
41. ….your two-year old calls everyone in BDUs “daddy”.
42. …the phone book lists your rank instead of Mr.
43. …your spouse hasn’t unpacked the good china for twenty years.
44. …your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall.
45. …you ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes.
46. …you live on post so you can hear reveille every morning.
47. ….your family calls you “Sir.”
48. ….all your jokes begin with “there was this soldier, a marine and an airman…”
49. And the biggest indicator … if you understood and related to the above list!!!!!
The tightest pants
A Marine had been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he had ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, “How do you get in those pants?”
The young woman looks him over and replies, “Well, you could start by buying me a drink.”
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, “How do you get in those pants?”
The young woman looks him over and replies, “Well, you could start by buying me a drink.”
Compassionate Leave
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
“Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted. “Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
“Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave,” the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. “Sergeant-Major! Haven’t we given this man two compassionate home leaves?”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replies.
“Then what’s his problem, Sgt. Major?” the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, “Sir. It’s you he’s fond of.”
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
“Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted. “Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
“Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave,” the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. “Sergeant-Major! Haven’t we given this man two compassionate home leaves?”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replies.
“Then what’s his problem, Sgt. Major?” the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, “Sir. It’s you he’s fond of.”
Typical Navy Officer Problem
After landing, new ensign wrote up this complaint about an A-7 that he had just finished flying, “Pilot relief tube too short.”
(The pilot relief tube is a device that allows a male pilot to relieve himself in flight if he’s had a little too much coffee before climbing into the cockpit.)
When Maintenance investigated the squawk, they found that the relief tube was tangled around the base of the stick. After correcting the problem, they gave the pilot’s chain (and probably his ego) a good yank by signing off the maintenance form like this:
“Pilot relief tube found to be of sufficient length for enlisted personnel.”
(The pilot relief tube is a device that allows a male pilot to relieve himself in flight if he’s had a little too much coffee before climbing into the cockpit.)
When Maintenance investigated the squawk, they found that the relief tube was tangled around the base of the stick. After correcting the problem, they gave the pilot’s chain (and probably his ego) a good yank by signing off the maintenance form like this:
“Pilot relief tube found to be of sufficient length for enlisted personnel.”
Short Military Jokes
SHORT MILITARY JOKES
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"
A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."
The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.
In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, "It's only 2014 now."
A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!"
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"
A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."
The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.
In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, "It's only 2014 now."
A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!"
Monday, November 30, 2009
Facts about the tomb of the Unkown Soldier
Facts about the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?
21 steps: It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is
the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why?
21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1
3. Why are his gloves wet?
His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.
4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time
and, if not, why not?
He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.
5. How often are the guards changed?
Guards are changed every thirty minutes,
twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be
between 5' 10' and 6' 2' tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30.
They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform or the tomb in any way.
After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on
their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only
400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their
lives or give up the wreath pin.
The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt.
There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform.. Guards dress for duty
in front of a full-length mirror.
The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone nor
watch TV All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid
to rest in Arlington National Cemetery . A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are:
President Taft,
Joe Lewis {the boxer}
Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, the most
decorated soldier of WWII of Hollywood fame.
Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for
guard duty
In 2003 as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington, DC, our
US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the
hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of
the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They
respectfully declined the offer, 'No way, Sir!' Soaked to the skin,
marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding
the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be
afforded to a serviceperson. The tomb has been patrolled continuously,
24/7, since 1930.
1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?
21 steps: It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is
the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.
2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why?
21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1
3. Why are his gloves wet?
His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.
4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time
and, if not, why not?
He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.
5. How often are the guards changed?
Guards are changed every thirty minutes,
twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.
6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be
between 5' 10' and 6' 2' tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30.
They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform or the tomb in any way.
After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on
their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only
400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their
lives or give up the wreath pin.
The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt.
There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform.. Guards dress for duty
in front of a full-length mirror.
The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone nor
watch TV All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid
to rest in Arlington National Cemetery . A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are:
President Taft,
Joe Lewis {the boxer}
Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, the most
decorated soldier of WWII of Hollywood fame.
Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for
guard duty
In 2003 as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington, DC, our
US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the
hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of
the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They
respectfully declined the offer, 'No way, Sir!' Soaked to the skin,
marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding
the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be
afforded to a serviceperson. The tomb has been patrolled continuously,
24/7, since 1930.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Learn Chinese
Learn Chinese
That's not right....................................Sum ting wong
Are you harboring a fugitive..............Hu yu hai ding
See me ASAP........................................Kum hia nao
Small horse............................................Tai ni po ni
Did you go to the beach........................Wai yu so tan
I think you need a facelift....................Chin tu fat
It's very dark in here...........................Wai so dim
I thought you were on a diet...............Wai yu mun ching
This is a tow away zone.......................No pah king
Our meeting is tomorrow....................Wai yu kum nao
Staying out of sight...............................Lei ying lo
He's cleaning his automobile...............Wa shing ka
Your body odor is offensive................Yu stin ki pu
Great......................................................Fa kin su pah
That's not right....................................Sum ting wong
Are you harboring a fugitive..............Hu yu hai ding
See me ASAP........................................Kum hia nao
Small horse............................................Tai ni po ni
Did you go to the beach........................Wai yu so tan
I think you need a facelift....................Chin tu fat
It's very dark in here...........................Wai so dim
I thought you were on a diet...............Wai yu mun ching
This is a tow away zone.......................No pah king
Our meeting is tomorrow....................Wai yu kum nao
Staying out of sight...............................Lei ying lo
He's cleaning his automobile...............Wa shing ka
Your body odor is offensive................Yu stin ki pu
Great......................................................Fa kin su pah
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
What's your ambition?
An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.
He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.
He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!"
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
You might be a crew chief if.....
You Might be a Crew Chief IF.....
You've ever said, "Oh, yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.
You know what JP4/JP5 tastes like.
You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (Or ever spray - painted them black)
You have ever used soot from the tailpipe to blacken your boots.
You believe the aircraft has a soul.
You talk to the aircraft.
The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.
You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.
You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.
You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"
You think everyone who isn't a Crew Chief is a wimp.
You wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.
You consider 'Moly - B' fingerprints on food an 'acquired taste'.
You've ever been told to "go get us some prop wash, a yard of flight line or the keys to the jet.
You have ever jumped inside an intake to get out of the rain.
Little yellow ear plugs are all over your house.
You have ever pre - flighted in really bad weather only to learn that the flight was canceled hours ago.
Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows or attend air shows with you.
You have ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books and magazines.
You can't figure out why two weeks of advance per - diem is gone after three days.
You can sleep anywhere, anytime. But as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
You have ever used, a wheel chock, or a tow bar for a pillow.
You have ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.
You have ever used a pair of Dykes to trim a fingernail.
You have ever pulled the gun switch while riding brakes.
You have ever started a jet inside the hanger!
You have ever wiped leaks right before the crew shows up.
All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.
You have ever had to defuel your jet an hour after fueling it.
Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.
You have used the "Pull Chocks" hand signal to tell your buddies it is time to leave.
You have ever bled hydraulic fluid into a Gatorade bottle or soda can because you are too lazy to go get a hydraulic bucket and the Hazmat keys.
If you have ever been tackled, duct taped to a tow bar, covered in PET and sand, egged, sour milked, peanut buttered and jellied, and slapped under the emergency wash station in 30 deg weather.
You know in your heart that your jet is female.
You refer to ANY machine as "she."
You refer to QA as "the enemy."
You hate Ops, Maintenance Control, QA, and cops.
You know the international marshalling sign for "pull your head out of your ass."
You've ever worked weekend duty on a jet that isn't flying on Monday.
You've wanted the jet to start just so you can warm up.
You can't remember half of your coworkers’ real names... only their nicknames.
You fix 30 million dollar jets, but can't figure out what's wrong with your $150 lawnmower.
Your toolbox at home has wheels and foam cutouts, just like the ones at work.
Some of the tools in your toolbox at home are etched.
You measure the cost of living in other countries is by the price of a beer at a bar.
You've ever said, "Oh, yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.
You know what JP4/JP5 tastes like.
You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (Or ever spray - painted them black)
You have ever used soot from the tailpipe to blacken your boots.
You believe the aircraft has a soul.
You talk to the aircraft.
The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.
You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.
You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.
You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"
You think everyone who isn't a Crew Chief is a wimp.
You wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.
You consider 'Moly - B' fingerprints on food an 'acquired taste'.
You've ever been told to "go get us some prop wash, a yard of flight line or the keys to the jet.
You have ever jumped inside an intake to get out of the rain.
Little yellow ear plugs are all over your house.
You have ever pre - flighted in really bad weather only to learn that the flight was canceled hours ago.
Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows or attend air shows with you.
You have ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books and magazines.
You can't figure out why two weeks of advance per - diem is gone after three days.
You can sleep anywhere, anytime. But as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
You have ever used, a wheel chock, or a tow bar for a pillow.
You have ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.
You have ever used a pair of Dykes to trim a fingernail.
You have ever pulled the gun switch while riding brakes.
You have ever started a jet inside the hanger!
You have ever wiped leaks right before the crew shows up.
All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.
You have ever had to defuel your jet an hour after fueling it.
Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.
You have used the "Pull Chocks" hand signal to tell your buddies it is time to leave.
You have ever bled hydraulic fluid into a Gatorade bottle or soda can because you are too lazy to go get a hydraulic bucket and the Hazmat keys.
If you have ever been tackled, duct taped to a tow bar, covered in PET and sand, egged, sour milked, peanut buttered and jellied, and slapped under the emergency wash station in 30 deg weather.
You know in your heart that your jet is female.
You refer to ANY machine as "she."
You refer to QA as "the enemy."
You hate Ops, Maintenance Control, QA, and cops.
You know the international marshalling sign for "pull your head out of your ass."
You've ever worked weekend duty on a jet that isn't flying on Monday.
You've wanted the jet to start just so you can warm up.
You can't remember half of your coworkers’ real names... only their nicknames.
You fix 30 million dollar jets, but can't figure out what's wrong with your $150 lawnmower.
Your toolbox at home has wheels and foam cutouts, just like the ones at work.
Some of the tools in your toolbox at home are etched.
You measure the cost of living in other countries is by the price of a beer at a bar.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Three nots?
A very drunk sailor went into a bar and negotiated a "trick" with a working girl.
After they agreed on a price she took him into a back bedroom so they can proceed to do their thing.
After a period of exhaustive attempts the sailor asked, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replied, "Oh, I'd say you're doing about 3 nots."
"Three knots only?" proclaimed the sailor.
The tart replied, "Yeah, three NOTS. You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."
After they agreed on a price she took him into a back bedroom so they can proceed to do their thing.
After a period of exhaustive attempts the sailor asked, "How am I doing?"
The prostitute replied, "Oh, I'd say you're doing about 3 nots."
"Three knots only?" proclaimed the sailor.
The tart replied, "Yeah, three NOTS. You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."
I wished he'd tried that with me.
Two airmen were driving across country on leave.
They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit.
They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know.
"The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.
The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Marine says, "Just making your wishes come true.
"The passenger says, "Huh?"
The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that stuff with me!'"
They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit.
They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know.
"The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver.
The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Marine says, "Just making your wishes come true.
"The passenger says, "Huh?"
The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would've tried that stuff with me!'"
Officer map reading
How does a U.S Army Officer finds his position on a map :
By shaking a tree to see what moves on the map...
By shaking a tree to see what moves on the map...
Aircraft mechanic
Three soldiers are captured by the Japanese - a US Marine, a soldier and an aircraft mechnic.
They are thrown into bamboo hutches in a prison camp to rot.
Some months later the prison camp commander decides to have some fun.
He gives each of the three prisoners two steel balls and says tells them that whichever of them comes up with a clever idea for the balls will be released.
The next morning he visits the prisoners.
The soldier has woven a cradle out of grass for the two balls and has made one of those executive toys. The two balls are merrily clicking back and forward. The commandant is impressed and sets him free.
Next door the US Marine is sitting cross legged in the hutch meditating and the two steel balls are levitating two feet off the ground. Again the commandant is impressed and releases the Marine.
Finally he moves to the aircraft mechanic's hooch. He is smoking a cigarette and scratching his ass with no sign of the steel balls. The commandant is furious and asks him what he has done with the balls.
The reply comes, "I dunno, I lost one and broke the other".
They are thrown into bamboo hutches in a prison camp to rot.
Some months later the prison camp commander decides to have some fun.
He gives each of the three prisoners two steel balls and says tells them that whichever of them comes up with a clever idea for the balls will be released.
The next morning he visits the prisoners.
The soldier has woven a cradle out of grass for the two balls and has made one of those executive toys. The two balls are merrily clicking back and forward. The commandant is impressed and sets him free.
Next door the US Marine is sitting cross legged in the hutch meditating and the two steel balls are levitating two feet off the ground. Again the commandant is impressed and releases the Marine.
Finally he moves to the aircraft mechanic's hooch. He is smoking a cigarette and scratching his ass with no sign of the steel balls. The commandant is furious and asks him what he has done with the balls.
The reply comes, "I dunno, I lost one and broke the other".
Sir? I think you're an idiot.
Private "Sir? If I said you were an idiot, what would you do?"
Officer "I would jail you for insubordination"
Private "Sir? If I thought you were an idiot, what would you do?"
Officer "Well, I couldn't do much about that at all"
Private "Sir? I think you're an idiot"
Officer "I would jail you for insubordination"
Private "Sir? If I thought you were an idiot, what would you do?"
Officer "Well, I couldn't do much about that at all"
Private "Sir? I think you're an idiot"
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Last name....
The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name?"
"Paul," the new seaman replied.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors at boot camp today, But I don't call anyone by his first name," the Chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only: Smith, Benz, Couch, Baker. I am referred to only as Chief. do I make myself clear?"
"Aye Chief"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The new seaman sighed, "Darling. My name is Paul Darling, Chief."
"OK, Paul, here's what I want you to do....."
"Paul," the new seaman replied.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding heart pansy crap they're teaching sailors at boot camp today, But I don't call anyone by his first name," the Chief scowled. "It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only: Smith, Benz, Couch, Baker. I am referred to only as Chief. do I make myself clear?"
"Aye Chief"
"Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?"
The new seaman sighed, "Darling. My name is Paul Darling, Chief."
"OK, Paul, here's what I want you to do....."
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Nine rules of the US MIlitary Assistance Command, Vietnam
Nine rules of the US Military Assistance Command, Vietnam
The Vietnamese have paid a heavy price in suffering for their long fight against the communists. We military men are in Vietnam now because their government has asked to help soldiers and people in winning their struggle. The Viet Cong will attempt to turn the Vietnamese people against you. You can defeat them at every turn by the strength, understanding, and generosity you display with the people. Here are nine simple rules:
Distribution - 1 to each member of the United States Armed Forces in Vietnam
1. Remember we are guests here; We make no demands and seek no special treatment.
2. Join with the people! Understand their life, a phrase from their language and honor their customs and laws.
3. Treat women with politeness and respect.
4. Make personal friends among the soldiers and common people.
5. Always give the Vietnamese the right of way.
6. Be alert to security and ready to react with your military skills.
7. Don't attract attention by loud, rude or unusual behavior.
8. Avoid separating yourself from the people by a display of wealth or privilege.
9. Above all else. you are members of the US Military Forces on a difficult mission, responsible for all your official and personal actions. Reflect honor upon yourself and the United States of America.
GPO 1960- 0-575012
Maybe there should be a tenth rule: When in doubt, select full auto, and let God sort 'em out.
When asked how a Vietnam Vet could shoot women and children...the reply most often is....you don't have to lead them as much.
The Vietnamese have paid a heavy price in suffering for their long fight against the communists. We military men are in Vietnam now because their government has asked to help soldiers and people in winning their struggle. The Viet Cong will attempt to turn the Vietnamese people against you. You can defeat them at every turn by the strength, understanding, and generosity you display with the people. Here are nine simple rules:
Distribution - 1 to each member of the United States Armed Forces in Vietnam
1. Remember we are guests here; We make no demands and seek no special treatment.
2. Join with the people! Understand their life, a phrase from their language and honor their customs and laws.
3. Treat women with politeness and respect.
4. Make personal friends among the soldiers and common people.
5. Always give the Vietnamese the right of way.
6. Be alert to security and ready to react with your military skills.
7. Don't attract attention by loud, rude or unusual behavior.
8. Avoid separating yourself from the people by a display of wealth or privilege.
9. Above all else. you are members of the US Military Forces on a difficult mission, responsible for all your official and personal actions. Reflect honor upon yourself and the United States of America.
GPO 1960- 0-575012
Maybe there should be a tenth rule: When in doubt, select full auto, and let God sort 'em out.
When asked how a Vietnam Vet could shoot women and children...the reply most often is....you don't have to lead them as much.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Why I carry a gun
Why I carry a Gun
My old grandpa once said to me, "Son, there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people. I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people. I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid. I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil. I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government. I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry. I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone. I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy. I carry a gun because, when I die and go to Heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man. I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate. I carry a gun because, unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it. I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
"Police Protection" is an oxymoron.
Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime; they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whoopin' .
"I'd rather carry a Cop, but they're too heavy.
Remember the average response time to a 911 call is over 4 minutes.
The average response time of a 357 magnum is 1400 FPS. It'll go from zero to 954.55 mph in a flash.
My old grandpa once said to me, "Son, there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people. I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people. I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid. I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil. I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government. I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry. I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone. I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed, and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy. I carry a gun because, when I die and go to Heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man. I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate. I carry a gun because, unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it. I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
"Police Protection" is an oxymoron.
Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime; they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whoopin' .
"I'd rather carry a Cop, but they're too heavy.
Remember the average response time to a 911 call is over 4 minutes.
The average response time of a 357 magnum is 1400 FPS. It'll go from zero to 954.55 mph in a flash.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Military Alphabet
The Military Alphabet is a phonetic alphabet. A phonetic alphabet is a list of words used to identify letters in a message transmitted by radio or telephone. Spoken words from an approved list are substituted for letters. For example, the word "Navy" would be "November Alfa Victor Yankee" when spelled in the phonetic alphabet. This practice helps to prevent confusion between similar sounding letters, such as "m" and "n", and to clarify communications that may be garbled during transmission.
The words chosen to represent some letters have changed since the phonetic alphabet was introduced. When these changes occur, they are made by international agreement. The current phonetic alphabet was adopted in 1957.
Military Phonetic Alphabet
Letter 1913 1927 1938 World War II 1957-Present
A Able Affirmative Affirm Affirm (Able) Alfa
B Boy Baker Baker Baker Bravo
C Cast Cast Cast Charlie Charlie
D Dog Dog Dog Dog Delta
E Easy Easy Easy Easy Echo
F Fox Fox Fox Fox Foxtrot
G George George George George Golf
H Have Hypo Hypo How Hotel
I Item Interrogatory Int Int (Item) India
J Jig Jig Jig Jig Juliet
K King King King King Kilo
L Love Love Love Love Lima
M Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike
N Nan Negative Negat Negat(Nan) November
O Oboe Option Option Option(Oboe) Oscar
P Pup Prepatory Prep Prep(Peter) Papa
Q Quack Quack Queen Queen Quebec
R Rush Roger Roger Roger Romeo
S Sail Sail Sail Sugar Sierra
T Tare Tare Tare Tare Tango
U Unit Unit Unit Uncle Uniform
V Vice Vice Victor Victor Victor
W Watch William William William Whiskey
X X-ray X-ray X-ray X-ray X-ray
The Military Alphabet is a phonetic alphabet. A phonetic alphabet is a list of words used to identify letters in a message transmitted by radio or telephone. Spoken words from an approved list are substituted for letters. For example, the word "Navy" would be "November Alfa Victor Yankee" when spelled in the phonetic alphabet. This practice helps to prevent confusion between similar sounding letters, such as "m" and "n", and to clarify communications that may be garbled during transmission.
The words chosen to represent some letters have changed since the phonetic alphabet was introduced. When these changes occur, they are made by international agreement. The current phonetic alphabet was adopted in 1957.
Military Phonetic Alphabet
Letter 1913 1927 1938 World War II 1957-Present
A Able Affirmative Affirm Affirm (Able) Alfa
B Boy Baker Baker Baker Bravo
C Cast Cast Cast Charlie Charlie
D Dog Dog Dog Dog Delta
E Easy Easy Easy Easy Echo
F Fox Fox Fox Fox Foxtrot
G George George George George Golf
H Have Hypo Hypo How Hotel
I Item Interrogatory Int Int (Item) India
J Jig Jig Jig Jig Juliet
K King King King King Kilo
L Love Love Love Love Lima
M Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike
N Nan Negative Negat Negat(Nan) November
O Oboe Option Option Option(Oboe) Oscar
P Pup Prepatory Prep Prep(Peter) Papa
Q Quack Quack Queen Queen Quebec
R Rush Roger Roger Roger Romeo
S Sail Sail Sail Sugar Sierra
T Tare Tare Tare Tare Tango
U Unit Unit Unit Uncle Uniform
V Vice Vice Victor Victor Victor
W Watch William William William Whiskey
X X-ray X-ray X-ray X-ray X-ray
Good Night
Good night
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut up!!!"
The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice could be heard from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Questions that haunt me
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
An old farmer's advice...
An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.'
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you'r e a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen, anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.'
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you'r e a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
That you?
That you?
A platoon is out on a 50 mile hump after about 3 hours of walking they all stop to take a 5 minute break and in doing so the boot Lt. noticed the Gunny beating his pecker against a tree. Lt. just goes about his business and they are all on their way. About 4 hours later they again stop and again the butter bars noticed the Gunny beating his pecker against the tree. Shaking his head in disbelief the Lt. and the platoon are on their way again when about 15 miles away from their barracks they stop for one last break and once again the Lt. sees the gunny beating his pecker on a tree. This time the Lt. goes up to the seasoned Marine and asks him why he would do that. The Gunny replies "It makes you last longer and your dick stays harder, the women love it". That night after their nature walk the Lt. pulls into his driveway and then walks up to the door and notices it is locked. Just before unlocking the door he remembered what the Gunny had said, so the Lt. whips out his man hood and starts banging on the door with it about that time he heard his wife "Oh, is that you Gunny?".
A platoon is out on a 50 mile hump after about 3 hours of walking they all stop to take a 5 minute break and in doing so the boot Lt. noticed the Gunny beating his pecker against a tree. Lt. just goes about his business and they are all on their way. About 4 hours later they again stop and again the butter bars noticed the Gunny beating his pecker against the tree. Shaking his head in disbelief the Lt. and the platoon are on their way again when about 15 miles away from their barracks they stop for one last break and once again the Lt. sees the gunny beating his pecker on a tree. This time the Lt. goes up to the seasoned Marine and asks him why he would do that. The Gunny replies "It makes you last longer and your dick stays harder, the women love it". That night after their nature walk the Lt. pulls into his driveway and then walks up to the door and notices it is locked. Just before unlocking the door he remembered what the Gunny had said, so the Lt. whips out his man hood and starts banging on the door with it about that time he heard his wife "Oh, is that you Gunny?".
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Firearms Refresher Course
'Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not.'
~ Thomas Jefferson
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
~ Thomas Jefferson
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights Reserved.
11. What part of 'shall not be infringed' do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wisdom from Aviation/Military manuals
Wisdom From Aviation/Military Manuals
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur
"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop
"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ... The pilot dies."
"Never trade luck for skill."
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
And "Oh S...! "
"Friendly fire - isn't"
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur
"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop
"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
"Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club."
"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, ... The pilot dies."
"Never trade luck for skill."
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
And "Oh S...! "
"Friendly fire - isn't"
"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?".
The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
The Fifteen Commandments of Operational Security
The Fifteen Commandments of Operational Security
I.
Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
II.
Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
III.
Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
IV.
Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.
V.
Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.
VI.
Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.
VII.
Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.
VIII.
Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.
IX.
Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.
X.
Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.
XI.
Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.
XII.
Thou shalt hide the wires of thy commo, for they pointeth to thee.
XIII.
Thou shalt practice the art of dispersion, or one round will finish you all.
XIV.
Thou shalt pick up thy trash and litter, for they exposeth thy presence.
XV.
Thou shalt conceal the noise of thy generator, for thine enemies are listening.
I.
Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
II.
Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
III.
Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
IV.
Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.
V.
Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.
VI.
Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.
VII.
Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.
VIII.
Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.
IX.
Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.
X.
Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.
XI.
Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.
XII.
Thou shalt hide the wires of thy commo, for they pointeth to thee.
XIII.
Thou shalt practice the art of dispersion, or one round will finish you all.
XIV.
Thou shalt pick up thy trash and litter, for they exposeth thy presence.
XV.
Thou shalt conceal the noise of thy generator, for thine enemies are listening.
Friday, February 20, 2009
A Soldier's Heart
Written In Honor of our Vietnam Veterans ..,
~ A Soldier's Heart ~
What was once warm and beating
with the flow of life's sweet blood inside,
has now become a place of carnage
where the horrors of war reside.
No one knows the isolation there
unless he's walked this road too.
No one knows the pain inside
like those forgotten soldiers do.
Expectations are almost worse today
than what they were when they came home.
There are still many a wounded soldiers
with wounded hearts who sadly roam.
Dazed, they stumble forward in life
through a terrain that none can see.
Their battle raging out of sight within
souls longing to be free.
This battle that rages on is
within their own mind and hearts,
where memories of death and carnage
torment their inward parts.
Intrusive thoughts encased within
explode like wars land mines did.
The "shooting war" that still goes on
within those broken hearts are hid.
Soldiers left to languish in death
with worn and broken shields,
forsaken warriors fighting on
within minds of private killing fields.
The pain, the anguish, the anger
sadly lingers on today,
in the hearts and minds of warriors
that are filled with wars decay.
They work it out as best they can,
for many they work it out alone.
Sometimes with hearts soft and tender,
sometimes with hearts of stone.
Until that day of their release
when their freedoms finally won,
where their last battle is finally fought,
when their life on earth is done.
The walking dead who few can see,
who fewer would care to understand,
still live today and await their death ...
their last hope for freedoms promised land!
*************
I pray for their lives,
for their broken hearts,
for their wounded souls,
for those hurting parts.
***
I pray for love,
I pray for hope,
I pray for strength,
that they may cope.
***
I pray for their souls,
I pray for their peace,
I pray for their minds,
their sweet release.
***************
I understand more today,
that which I didn't understand before,
I dared to look within the heart
beyond that secret door.
Into a hell that some must live,
where in living there is no reprieve,
until death would come and welcome them,
for a "job well done" and "in honor" be received
Wanda LaCasse
~ A Soldier's Heart ~
What was once warm and beating
with the flow of life's sweet blood inside,
has now become a place of carnage
where the horrors of war reside.
No one knows the isolation there
unless he's walked this road too.
No one knows the pain inside
like those forgotten soldiers do.
Expectations are almost worse today
than what they were when they came home.
There are still many a wounded soldiers
with wounded hearts who sadly roam.
Dazed, they stumble forward in life
through a terrain that none can see.
Their battle raging out of sight within
souls longing to be free.
This battle that rages on is
within their own mind and hearts,
where memories of death and carnage
torment their inward parts.
Intrusive thoughts encased within
explode like wars land mines did.
The "shooting war" that still goes on
within those broken hearts are hid.
Soldiers left to languish in death
with worn and broken shields,
forsaken warriors fighting on
within minds of private killing fields.
The pain, the anguish, the anger
sadly lingers on today,
in the hearts and minds of warriors
that are filled with wars decay.
They work it out as best they can,
for many they work it out alone.
Sometimes with hearts soft and tender,
sometimes with hearts of stone.
Until that day of their release
when their freedoms finally won,
where their last battle is finally fought,
when their life on earth is done.
The walking dead who few can see,
who fewer would care to understand,
still live today and await their death ...
their last hope for freedoms promised land!
*************
I pray for their lives,
for their broken hearts,
for their wounded souls,
for those hurting parts.
***
I pray for love,
I pray for hope,
I pray for strength,
that they may cope.
***
I pray for their souls,
I pray for their peace,
I pray for their minds,
their sweet release.
***************
I understand more today,
that which I didn't understand before,
I dared to look within the heart
beyond that secret door.
Into a hell that some must live,
where in living there is no reprieve,
until death would come and welcome them,
for a "job well done" and "in honor" be received
Wanda LaCasse
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Meal Standards
Meal standards
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
NAVY: 3 hot meals.
AIR FORCE: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.
MARINES: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
ARMY: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
NAVY: 3 hot meals.
AIR FORCE: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.
Friday, February 13, 2009
And then the fight started.....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started....
My young bride came home from the gynocologist smiling and said, "My gynocologist told me for a 54 year old woman, I have a tight box."
I asked her, 'Did he say anything about your big ass?"
She replied, 'No, he didn't meantion your name at all.'
Then the fight started.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started....
My young bride came home from the gynocologist smiling and said, "My gynocologist told me for a 54 year old woman, I have a tight box."
I asked her, 'Did he say anything about your big ass?"
She replied, 'No, he didn't meantion your name at all.'
Then the fight started.
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________
Monday, February 9, 2009
U.S. Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-Shirts)
All: U.S. Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-Shirts)
The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East. (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)
To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24K
All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:
1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions]
2. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]
3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [Both English and Arabic versions]
4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast anymore.' [Both English and Arabic versions]
5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]
6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.' [Both Arabic and English versions]
7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version]
8. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]
The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:
1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards'
The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East. (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)
To: All Commands
Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24K
All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:
1. 'Eat Pork or Die' [both English and Arabic versions]
2. 'Shrine Busters' [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]
3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' [Both English and Arabic versions]
4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast anymore.' [Both English and Arabic versions]
5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]
6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.' [Both Arabic and English versions]
7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' [Arabic version]
8. 'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]
The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:
1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards'
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Leave and Liberty standards
Leave and liberty standards
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.
NAVY: 2 days a week.
AIR FORCE: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.
NAVY: 2 days a week.
AIR FORCE: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Idle meanderings of the senile on wives
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad wife, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question....which I have not been able to answer....is, "What does a woman want?"
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, and I go Fridays.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.
I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming;
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A man inserted and ad in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine."
First Guy (proudly); "My wife's and angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
By all means marry. if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad wife, you'll become a philosopher.
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
The great question....which I have not been able to answer....is, "What does a woman want?"
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.
We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing.
She goes Tuesdays, and I go Fridays.
There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.
It's called marriage.
I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming;
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
You know what I did before I married?
Anything I wanted to.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A man inserted and ad in the classifieds:
"Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine."
First Guy (proudly); "My wife's and angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Rules of the air
Rules of the Air
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
The proper use of the F_____ Word
The proper use of the F____ word
We all know that it isn't polite to use the F-word. However, there have been ten times in history where the "F" word has been acceptable for use:
10. "What the f___ was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them f___ing Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any f___ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so f___ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the f___ did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the f___ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the f___ are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered f___ing showers....My ass!" - Noah, 31 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the f___'s going to find out?"- Bill Clinton, 1999
And Number 1 . . . drum roll please . . . .
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f___ing mad." -Saddam Hussein, 2003
We all know that it isn't polite to use the F-word. However, there have been ten times in history where the "F" word has been acceptable for use:
10. "What the f___ was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
9. "Look at all them f___ing Indians!" - Custer, 1877
8. "Any f___ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
7. "It does so f___ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
6. "How the f___ did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
5. "You want WHAT on the f___ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
4. "Where the f___ are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
3. "Scattered f___ing showers....My ass!" - Noah, 31 BC
2. "Aw c'mon. Who the f___'s going to find out?"- Bill Clinton, 1999
And Number 1 . . . drum roll please . . . .
1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this f___ing mad." -Saddam Hussein, 2003
Sunday, February 1, 2009
You know you have been in Iraq too long when.....
Know You have been in Iraq too long when. ...
When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"
When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus
Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better
You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet
You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress
The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true)
You take the time to add your lines to this list
You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes
You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks
Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you
You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds
When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times
When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away
When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf
Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other up
When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog
When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over
You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City
You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Haji mart
You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back
Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone
Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding?
You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad
You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country
You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah
You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah
You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy.
You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it.
You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there
You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural
You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides
The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket
You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.
When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"
You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)
When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."
When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.
While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.
When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.
When 12 hours is a short work day
You go Battle Captains!
When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.
When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary
When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times
When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting
When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant
When you end every phone conversation with "Out"
When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"
When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times
When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar
When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and you’re looking for the clearing barrel
When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service
You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer
You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed
You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt
You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire
You decide that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper
You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)
The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades
When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...
You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's
You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable
You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves
You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake
You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite sex
A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine
You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation
When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"
When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus
Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
Every guy that reports to your unit starts looking attractive
You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better
You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet
You start picturing your wife in traditional Arab dress
The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is true)
You take the time to add your lines to this list
You've spent $200 dollars at Haji mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 and ½ weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes
You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks
Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you
You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds
When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times
When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away
When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf
Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other up
When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog
When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over
You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City
You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a movie bought at Haji mart
You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back
Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone
Your idea of sex is 20 minutes of Instant Messaging with your wife on the computer, OK, 10 minutes, who are you kidding?
You wake up and think Baghdad, I am still in friggin Baghdad
You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country
You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah
You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah
You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy.
You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it.
You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there
You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural
You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides
The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket
You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.
When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"
You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)
When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."
When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.
While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.
When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.
When 12 hours is a short work day
You go Battle Captains!
When, During the BUA, "DIV asked MNSTC-I for the FRAGO that MNC-I was supposed to publish, but couldn't because MNF-I hadn't weighed in, since they were too inundated with MOD and MOI war-gaming the JCCs within the ISF to square us away!" is a valid comment and generates no questions.
When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary
When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times
When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting
When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant
When you end every phone conversation with "Out"
When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"
When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times
When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar
When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and you’re looking for the clearing barrel
When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service
You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer
You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed
You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt
You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire
You decide that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper
You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)
The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades
When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...
You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's
You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack - the woobee will save you and at least you are comfortable
You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves
You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake
You find it completely acceptable to pick your nose while talking to a complete stranger or member of the opposite sex
A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine
You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation
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