My first days in the service

My first day in the service began getting off the bus. The sergeant began screaming at the top of his lungs, calling us thing I never knew existed. He then screamed, as he was pointing to the barracks, "This is your new home, don't let me catch you walking on the floor, sleeping on the bunks nor using the latrine"

They issued me a comb, and then cut all my hair off. They issued me a toothbrush, then pulled most of my teeth. I told them my eyesight wasn't too good, they said, "Don't worry. We'll put you up at the front where you can see what's going on.

While in basic, you learn to take a nap whenever you can. You also learn not to jump when a D.I. sneaks up on you and starts screaming. For example, This D.I. in our old Battalion was highly miffed at the antics of one Private in the unit for 'goofing off' on guard duty and vowed to bust him if he ever caught him doing anything wrong. The D.I. said he was sure the Private was not walking his Guard Post around the Motor Pool properly and was getting into vehicles in the Motor Pool to get out of the winter cold. Seems the D.I. had found cigarette butts on the floor of the truck in the Motor Pool close to where the Private was supposed to have walked his Guard Post. All these things were enough for the D.I. to threaten the Private with Court Martial if, and when, he was ever caught.

One night in the dead of winter, the D.I. had C.Q. duty and his favorite Private was on duty, responsible for "..my post and all government property in view." The D.I. decided this was the night he would catch the Private in violation of his General and Special Orders. Sometime after midnight, the D.I. went looking for the Private who was supposed to be "walking his post in a military manner."

He found the Private leaning up against the the door of the Motor Pool shop building, facing inward, and apparently asleep. After observing the Private at a distance for several minutes, the D.I. approached, tapped the Private on the shoulder and said, "Okay, Private, I've got you now!" But the D.I. quickly realized that he had not only lost the battle, but had lost the war, when the Private calmly turned around, put his finger up to his lips and said, "Sir, Shhhhh, I think I hear someone inside, Sir."

There is no doubt in my military mind of two things...(1) one should never underestimate the ingenuity of the American Soldier, and (2) as long as there are ordinary, red-blooded American men and women serving in the Armed Forces, there will be humour in uniform.