Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper a minute, then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captain's quarters. he opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and....
The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
"Port Left
Starboard Right"
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
You might be an aircraft mechanic if.....
You've ever slept on the concrete under a wing.
You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
You know what JP4 or Skydrol tastes like.
You've ever used black grease to fix an overworked tire.
You have better bench stock in the pockets of your coveralls than the supply system.
You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
You've ever been told to go get some "prop wash and a yard of flight line."
You've worked a 14 hour shift on an aircraft that isn't flying the next day.
You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
You've ever stood on chocks to keep your feet dry.
Used a pair of dikes to trim your fingernails.
Wiped leaks immediately prior to crew show.
Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.
You've ever had to defuel an aircraft an hour after refueling it.
You've used a chock as a hammer.
You've ever wished a pilot would say "Great Aircraft."
You have ever been blamed by management for looking where you were NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING.
You've ever wondered why it takes a college degree to break an aircraft but only a high school diploma to fix one.
You have used a wooden/rubber chock as a pillow on a push back tug.
You have scuba dived a lav tank to remove everything under the sun.
You have had a pilot ask you why the valve stems on all the tires are not the same size.
You have had a steering bypass pin fall out during a blinding snowstorm while in a near red-line turn.
You have seen the "Northern Lights" inside the cabin while being shocked by a ballast (200v).
You have had fire lick the back of your neck after getting that inop APU finally started.
You have told someone that you are an aircraft mechanic only to have them say, "But not on the engines....right?"
You have wanted to put your foot up a pilot's ass on MANY occasions.
You have wished that you had chosen a different career.
You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
You know what JP4 or Skydrol tastes like.
You've ever used black grease to fix an overworked tire.
You have better bench stock in the pockets of your coveralls than the supply system.
You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
You've ever been told to go get some "prop wash and a yard of flight line."
You've worked a 14 hour shift on an aircraft that isn't flying the next day.
You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
You've ever stood on chocks to keep your feet dry.
Used a pair of dikes to trim your fingernails.
Wiped leaks immediately prior to crew show.
Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.
You've ever had to defuel an aircraft an hour after refueling it.
You've used a chock as a hammer.
You've ever wished a pilot would say "Great Aircraft."
You have ever been blamed by management for looking where you were NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING.
You've ever wondered why it takes a college degree to break an aircraft but only a high school diploma to fix one.
You have used a wooden/rubber chock as a pillow on a push back tug.
You have scuba dived a lav tank to remove everything under the sun.
You have had a pilot ask you why the valve stems on all the tires are not the same size.
You have had a steering bypass pin fall out during a blinding snowstorm while in a near red-line turn.
You have seen the "Northern Lights" inside the cabin while being shocked by a ballast (200v).
You have had fire lick the back of your neck after getting that inop APU finally started.
You have told someone that you are an aircraft mechanic only to have them say, "But not on the engines....right?"
You have wanted to put your foot up a pilot's ass on MANY occasions.
You have wished that you had chosen a different career.
More Proof
A Soldier, A Sailor, an Airman, and a Marine all died and went to Heaven.
There they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, 'Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?" Saint Peter replied, " I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."
Some time later, the four servicemen saw Saint Peter and reminded him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. They asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove landed on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak was a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter said to the four servicemen, "Your answer from the Boss. let's see what he says." Saint Peter opened the note, trumpets blared, gold dust drifted into the air, harps played crescendos, and Saint Peter began to read the note aloud.
MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE
TO: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines
SUBJECT: WHICH MILITARY SERVICE IS BEST
Gentlemen,
All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble. Each serves America well with distinction. Being a Serviceman in the United States Military represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute and dedication. Be proud of that.
Sincerely,
God
U.S Navy Master Chief (Ret.)
There they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, 'Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?" Saint Peter replied, " I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."
Some time later, the four servicemen saw Saint Peter and reminded him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. They asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove landed on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak was a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter said to the four servicemen, "Your answer from the Boss. let's see what he says." Saint Peter opened the note, trumpets blared, gold dust drifted into the air, harps played crescendos, and Saint Peter began to read the note aloud.
MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE
TO: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines
SUBJECT: WHICH MILITARY SERVICE IS BEST
Gentlemen,
All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble. Each serves America well with distinction. Being a Serviceman in the United States Military represents a special calling warranting special respect, tribute and dedication. Be proud of that.
Sincerely,
God
U.S Navy Master Chief (Ret.)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Code of Conduct
I. I am an American, fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.
II. I will never surrender on my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.
III. If I am captured, I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.
IV. If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.
V. When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give my name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country or its allies or harmful to their cause.
VI. I will never forget I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.
II. I will never surrender on my own free will. If in command, I will never surrender the members of my command while they still have the means to resist.
III. If I am captured, I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy.
IV. If I become a prisoner of war, I will keep faith with my fellow prisoners. I will give no information or take part in any action which might be harmful to my comrades. If I am senior, I will take command. If not, I will obey the lawful orders of those appointed over me and will back them up in every way.
V. When questioned, should I become a prisoner of war, I am required to give my name, rank, service number, and date of birth. I will evade answering further questions to the utmost of my ability. I will make no oral or written statements disloyal to my country or its allies or harmful to their cause.
VI. I will never forget I am an American, fighting for freedom, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
A SOLDIER DIED TODAY
He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat at the legion, telling stories of his past.
Of a war that he once fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies, they were heroes, every one.
And though sometimes to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer, for Ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He won't be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary, very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family, going quietly on his way,
And the world won't note his passing, 'tho a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing, and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories, from the time they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
The politicians stipend and the style in which he lives,
are often disproportionate to the service he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps a pension, small.
It's easy to forget them, for so many times,
That our Bobs and Bills went to battle, but we still pine.
It was not the politicians with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us our freedom that our Country enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some 'cop-out' with his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier, his home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier, who would fight until the end?
He was just a common Soldier, and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, we find the Soldier's part,
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in the paper that might say:
'OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, FOR A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."
And he sat at the legion, telling stories of his past.
Of a war that he once fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies, they were heroes, every one.
And though sometimes to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer, for Ol' Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.
He won't be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary, very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family, going quietly on his way,
And the world won't note his passing, 'tho a soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing, and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories, from the time they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land,
Some jerk who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?
The politicians stipend and the style in which he lives,
are often disproportionate to the service he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps a pension, small.
It's easy to forget them, for so many times,
That our Bobs and Bills went to battle, but we still pine.
It was not the politicians with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us our freedom that our Country enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some 'cop-out' with his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier, his home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier, who would fight until the end?
He was just a common Soldier, and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, we find the Soldier's part,
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in the paper that might say:
'OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, FOR A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."
My first days in the service
My first day in the service began getting off the bus. The sergeant began screaming at the top of his lungs, calling us thing I never knew existed. He then screamed, as he was pointing to the barracks, "This is your new home, don't let me catch you walking on the floor, sleeping on the bunks nor using the latrine"
They issued me a comb, and then cut all my hair off. They issued me a toothbrush, then pulled most of my teeth. I told them my eyesight wasn't too good, they said, "Don't worry. We'll put you up at the front where you can see what's going on.
While in basic, you learn to take a nap whenever you can. You also learn not to jump when a D.I. sneaks up on you and starts screaming. For example, This D.I. in our old Battalion was highly miffed at the antics of one Private in the unit for 'goofing off' on guard duty and vowed to bust him if he ever caught him doing anything wrong. The D.I. said he was sure the Private was not walking his Guard Post around the Motor Pool properly and was getting into vehicles in the Motor Pool to get out of the winter cold. Seems the D.I. had found cigarette butts on the floor of the truck in the Motor Pool close to where the Private was supposed to have walked his Guard Post. All these things were enough for the D.I. to threaten the Private with Court Martial if, and when, he was ever caught.
One night in the dead of winter, the D.I. had C.Q. duty and his favorite Private was on duty, responsible for "..my post and all government property in view." The D.I. decided this was the night he would catch the Private in violation of his General and Special Orders. Sometime after midnight, the D.I. went looking for the Private who was supposed to be "walking his post in a military manner."
He found the Private leaning up against the the door of the Motor Pool shop building, facing inward, and apparently asleep. After observing the Private at a distance for several minutes, the D.I. approached, tapped the Private on the shoulder and said, "Okay, Private, I've got you now!" But the D.I. quickly realized that he had not only lost the battle, but had lost the war, when the Private calmly turned around, put his finger up to his lips and said, "Sir, Shhhhh, I think I hear someone inside, Sir."
There is no doubt in my military mind of two things...(1) one should never underestimate the ingenuity of the American Soldier, and (2) as long as there are ordinary, red-blooded American men and women serving in the Armed Forces, there will be humour in uniform.
They issued me a comb, and then cut all my hair off. They issued me a toothbrush, then pulled most of my teeth. I told them my eyesight wasn't too good, they said, "Don't worry. We'll put you up at the front where you can see what's going on.
While in basic, you learn to take a nap whenever you can. You also learn not to jump when a D.I. sneaks up on you and starts screaming. For example, This D.I. in our old Battalion was highly miffed at the antics of one Private in the unit for 'goofing off' on guard duty and vowed to bust him if he ever caught him doing anything wrong. The D.I. said he was sure the Private was not walking his Guard Post around the Motor Pool properly and was getting into vehicles in the Motor Pool to get out of the winter cold. Seems the D.I. had found cigarette butts on the floor of the truck in the Motor Pool close to where the Private was supposed to have walked his Guard Post. All these things were enough for the D.I. to threaten the Private with Court Martial if, and when, he was ever caught.
One night in the dead of winter, the D.I. had C.Q. duty and his favorite Private was on duty, responsible for "..my post and all government property in view." The D.I. decided this was the night he would catch the Private in violation of his General and Special Orders. Sometime after midnight, the D.I. went looking for the Private who was supposed to be "walking his post in a military manner."
He found the Private leaning up against the the door of the Motor Pool shop building, facing inward, and apparently asleep. After observing the Private at a distance for several minutes, the D.I. approached, tapped the Private on the shoulder and said, "Okay, Private, I've got you now!" But the D.I. quickly realized that he had not only lost the battle, but had lost the war, when the Private calmly turned around, put his finger up to his lips and said, "Sir, Shhhhh, I think I hear someone inside, Sir."
There is no doubt in my military mind of two things...(1) one should never underestimate the ingenuity of the American Soldier, and (2) as long as there are ordinary, red-blooded American men and women serving in the Armed Forces, there will be humour in uniform.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Camoflage uniform wear policies
MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.
Letter from a Navy Pilot - Battle of Midway
The fates have been kind to me. When you hear people saying harsh things about American youth, you will know how wrong they all are. So many times that now they have become commonplace, I've seen incidents that make me know that we were never soft, never weak.
Many of my friends are dead. To a man, each died with a nonchalance that each would have denied was courage, but simply called a lack of fear and forgot the triumph. If anything great or good has been born of this war, it should be valued in the youth of our country, who were never trained for war, who almost never believed in war, but who have, from some hidden source, brought forth a gallantry which is homespun, it is so real.
Out here between the space less sea and sky, American youth has found itself, so that a spark may catch, burst into flame, and burn high. If out country takes these sacrifices with indifference it will be the cruelest in gratitude the world has ever known
You will, I know, do all your power to help others keep the faith. My luck can't last much longer. But the flame goes on and only that is important.
Anonymous
Many of my friends are dead. To a man, each died with a nonchalance that each would have denied was courage, but simply called a lack of fear and forgot the triumph. If anything great or good has been born of this war, it should be valued in the youth of our country, who were never trained for war, who almost never believed in war, but who have, from some hidden source, brought forth a gallantry which is homespun, it is so real.
Out here between the space less sea and sky, American youth has found itself, so that a spark may catch, burst into flame, and burn high. If out country takes these sacrifices with indifference it will be the cruelest in gratitude the world has ever known
You will, I know, do all your power to help others keep the faith. My luck can't last much longer. But the flame goes on and only that is important.
Anonymous
Duty Hours
MARINES: Reveille at 0500, train until 2000 hours.
ARMY: Reveille at 0600, train until 1900 hours.
NAVY: Get out of bed at 0900, train until 1100, lunch until 1300, train until 1600.
AIR FORCE: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train from 1100 to 1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to 1400, nap at 1400, awaken from nap at 1500, training ceases at 1500.
ARMY: Reveille at 0600, train until 1900 hours.
NAVY: Get out of bed at 0900, train until 1100, lunch until 1300, train until 1600.
AIR FORCE: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train from 1100 to 1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to 1400, nap at 1400, awaken from nap at 1500, training ceases at 1500.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The 11 General Orders
I will....
1. Take charge of this post and all government property in view.
2. Walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.
3. Report all violations of orders I am instructed to enforce.
4. To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the guardhouse than my own.
5. Quit my post only when properly relieved.
6. To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me, all orders from the Commanding Officer, Officer of the Day, Officers, and Non-Commissioned Officers of the guard duty.
7. Talk to no one except in the line of duty.
8. Give the alarm in case of disorder.
9. To call the Corporal of the Guard in any case not covered by instructions.
10. Be especially watchful at night and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.
1. Take charge of this post and all government property in view.
2. Walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.
3. Report all violations of orders I am instructed to enforce.
4. To repeat all calls from posts more distant from the guardhouse than my own.
5. Quit my post only when properly relieved.
6. To receive, obey, and pass on to the sentry who relieves me, all orders from the Commanding Officer, Officer of the Day, Officers, and Non-Commissioned Officers of the guard duty.
7. Talk to no one except in the line of duty.
8. Give the alarm in case of disorder.
9. To call the Corporal of the Guard in any case not covered by instructions.
10. Be especially watchful at night and during the time for challenging, to challenge all persons on or near my post, and to allow no one to pass without proper authority.
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Air Force vs. the Army
There's an Air Force guy driving from McChord to Ft. Lewis, and an Army guy driving from Ft. Lewis to McChord. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying in different directions.
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage. He too says to himself,...."I can't believe I survived that wreck!"
The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says, ..."Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says,...."You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck."
So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened, unbroken bottle of Jack Daniels. he says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship."
The Army guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down the Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half of the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Your turn!"
The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nah, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."
The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,....."Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at the wreckage. He too says to himself,...."I can't believe I survived that wreck!"
The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says, ..."Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says,...."You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm gonna see what else survived the wreck."
So the Air Force guy pops open his trunk and finds a full, unopened, unbroken bottle of Jack Daniels. he says to the Army guy, "I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship."
The Army guy replies, "You're damn right!" and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down the Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half of the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, "Your turn!"
The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, "Nah, I think I'll wait for the cops to show up."
Haircut Standards
MARINES: Heads will be shaved.
ARMY: Stylish flat-tops for all recruits.
NAVY: No haircut standard.
AIR FORCE: Complete make-overs as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
ARMY: Stylish flat-tops for all recruits.
NAVY: No haircut standard.
AIR FORCE: Complete make-overs as seen on the Jenny Jones show.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Military Rules for Dating My Daughter
Rule one: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package or a pizza, because you're not picking anything up.
Rule two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes and hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule three: I am aware that it is fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers in place to your waist.
Rule four: I'm sure you've been told in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only words I need from you on this subject is, "Sir, Early Sir!"
Rule six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided: movies which feature chain saws are okay (I have a chain saw). Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in my driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Da Nang. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Rule two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes and hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule three: I am aware that it is fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pneumatic nail gun and fasten your trousers in place to your waist.
Rule four: I'm sure you've been told in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only words I need from you on this subject is, "Sir, Early Sir!"
Rule six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided: movies which feature chain saws are okay (I have a chain saw). Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule ten: Be afraid, Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in my driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Da Nang. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Private and the General
It was a dark, stormy night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General returned the salute and said, "Good evening soldier, nice night isn't it?"
Well, it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued, " You know, there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but then the Private was just a Private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted again and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued, 'I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said, "Sir, Good Trade Sir!"
The General returned the salute and said, "Good evening soldier, nice night isn't it?"
Well, it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued, " You know, there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but then the Private was just a Private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted again and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued, 'I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said, "Sir, Good Trade Sir!"
Drill Instructor instructions
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh?"
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh?"
Army Instructions
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear; no car was to enter unless it had a special decal on it. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a decal."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a decal."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm kinda new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a decal."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a decal."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on."
The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm kinda new at this. Do I shoot you or the driver?"
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A reading from the book of Armourments (Verses 16-20)
The only way to defeat him is with the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!!
And now a reading from the book of Armourments (Verses 16-20)
Quote:
Then did He raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy."
And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals....
Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the counting shall be three. Four can causeth thee anal seizures. Five is right out.. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall suffer to be snuffed by it."
So sayeth, say I.
And now a reading from the book of Armourments (Verses 16-20)
Quote:
Then did He raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy."
And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals....
Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the counting shall be three. Four can causeth thee anal seizures. Five is right out.. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall suffer to be snuffed by it."
So sayeth, say I.
Origin of the commissioned officers insignia.
The young second lieutenant approached the old crusty first sergeant and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.
"Well. LT, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable but malleable. The silver bar of a first lieutenant represents value, but less malleable. When you make captain, you're twice as valuable so we give two silver bars. As a colonel, you soar over the the military masses, hence the eagle. As a general, you're obviously a star. That answer your question, LT?"
"Yeah, but what about a major and a lieutenant colonel?"
"Now, son, that goes waaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves....."
"Well. LT, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable but malleable. The silver bar of a first lieutenant represents value, but less malleable. When you make captain, you're twice as valuable so we give two silver bars. As a colonel, you soar over the the military masses, hence the eagle. As a general, you're obviously a star. That answer your question, LT?"
"Yeah, but what about a major and a lieutenant colonel?"
"Now, son, that goes waaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our pricks with leaves....."
Evolution of the United States Flag
No one knows with absolute certainty who designed the first stars and stripes or who made it. Congressman Francis Hopkinson seems most likely to have designed it, and few historians believe Betsy Ross, a Philadelphia seamstress, made the first one.
Until the Executive Order of June 24, 1912, neither the order of the stars nor the proportions of the flag was prescribed. Consequently, flags dating before this period sometimes show unusual arrangements of the stars and odd proportions, these features being left to the discretion of the flag maker. In general, however, straight rows of stars and proportions similar to those later adopted officially were used. The principle acts affecting the flag of the United States are as follows:
On 14 June 1777, in order to establish an official flag for the new nation, the Continental Congress passed the first Flag Act; "Resolved, That the flag of the United States be made of thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new Constellation."
Act of 13 January 1794 - provided for 15 stripes and 15 stars after May 1795.
Act of 04 April 1818 - provided for 13 stripes and one star for each state, to be added to the flag on the 4th of July following the admission of each new state, signed by President Monroe.
Executive Order of President Taft dated 24 June 1912 - established proportions of the flag and provided for the arrangement of the stars in size horizontal rows of eight each, a single point of each star to be upward.
Executive Order of President Eisenhower dated 21 August 1959 - provided for the arrangement of the stars in nine rows of stars staggered horizontally and eleven rows of stars staggered vertically.
Until the Executive Order of June 24, 1912, neither the order of the stars nor the proportions of the flag was prescribed. Consequently, flags dating before this period sometimes show unusual arrangements of the stars and odd proportions, these features being left to the discretion of the flag maker. In general, however, straight rows of stars and proportions similar to those later adopted officially were used. The principle acts affecting the flag of the United States are as follows:
On 14 June 1777, in order to establish an official flag for the new nation, the Continental Congress passed the first Flag Act; "Resolved, That the flag of the United States be made of thirteen stripes, alternate red and white; that the union be thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new Constellation."
Act of 13 January 1794 - provided for 15 stripes and 15 stars after May 1795.
Act of 04 April 1818 - provided for 13 stripes and one star for each state, to be added to the flag on the 4th of July following the admission of each new state, signed by President Monroe.
Executive Order of President Taft dated 24 June 1912 - established proportions of the flag and provided for the arrangement of the stars in size horizontal rows of eight each, a single point of each star to be upward.
Executive Order of President Eisenhower dated 21 August 1959 - provided for the arrangement of the stars in nine rows of stars staggered horizontally and eleven rows of stars staggered vertically.
The Service Flag of the United States
Have you ever seen a banner hanging in a window or storefront with a blue or gold star in the middle? It's called the Service Flag.
The Service Flag is an official banner authorized by the Department of Defense for display by families who have members serving in the Armed Forces during any period of war or hostilities the United States may be engaged in, for the duration of such hostilities.
The Service Flag was designed and patented by World War I Army Captain Robert L. Queissner of the 5th Ohio Infantry who had two sons serving on the front line. The flag quickly became the unofficial symbol of a child in service. President Wilson became part of its history when in 1918 he approved a suggestion made by the Women's Committee of the Council of National Defenses that mothers who had lost a child serving in war to wear a gold star on the traditional black mourning arm band.
This led to the tradition to cover the blue star with a gold star on the Service Flag to indicate that the service member has died or been killed. The color of the stars is also symbolic in that the blue star represents hope and pride and the gold star represents sacrifice to the cause of liberty and freedom.
During World War II, the practice of displaying the Service Flag became much more widespread. In 1942, the Blue Star Mothers of America was founded as a veteran service organization and was part of a movement to provide care packages to military members overseas and also provide assistance to families who encountered hardships as a result of their son or husband serving during the war.
Virtually every home and organization displayed banners to indicate the number of members of the family or organization serving in the Armed Forces and again, covered those blue stars with gold to represent that a member had died.
In 1960, Congress chartered the Blue Star Mothers of America as a veterans service organization and in 1966, the Department of Defense revised specifications fro the design, manufacture and display of the Service Flag.
The Department of Defense specifies that family members authorized to display the flag include the wife, husband, mother, father, stepfather, parent through adoption, foster parents who stand or stood in loco parentis, children, stepchildren, children through adoption, brothers, sisters, half brothers and half sisters of a member of the Armed Forces of the United States. The flag should be displayed in a window of the residence of person who are members of the immediate family.
The Service Flag may also be displayed by an organization to honor the members of that organization serving in the Armed Forces during a period of war or hostilities.
The Service Flag is an indoor flag and should be flown facing out from the front window of the home or organization. If the U.S. Flag is also displayed with the Service Flag, the U.S. Flag should be of equal or greater proportions and should take the place of honor above the Service Flag. If a gold star is added to the Service Flag, it should take the position of honor and be placed over the blue star that is positioned closest to the staff. The gold star should be smaller than the blue star to create a blue border surrounding the gold star.
The Service Flag is an official banner authorized by the Department of Defense for display by families who have members serving in the Armed Forces during any period of war or hostilities the United States may be engaged in, for the duration of such hostilities.
The Service Flag was designed and patented by World War I Army Captain Robert L. Queissner of the 5th Ohio Infantry who had two sons serving on the front line. The flag quickly became the unofficial symbol of a child in service. President Wilson became part of its history when in 1918 he approved a suggestion made by the Women's Committee of the Council of National Defenses that mothers who had lost a child serving in war to wear a gold star on the traditional black mourning arm band.
This led to the tradition to cover the blue star with a gold star on the Service Flag to indicate that the service member has died or been killed. The color of the stars is also symbolic in that the blue star represents hope and pride and the gold star represents sacrifice to the cause of liberty and freedom.
During World War II, the practice of displaying the Service Flag became much more widespread. In 1942, the Blue Star Mothers of America was founded as a veteran service organization and was part of a movement to provide care packages to military members overseas and also provide assistance to families who encountered hardships as a result of their son or husband serving during the war.
Virtually every home and organization displayed banners to indicate the number of members of the family or organization serving in the Armed Forces and again, covered those blue stars with gold to represent that a member had died.
In 1960, Congress chartered the Blue Star Mothers of America as a veterans service organization and in 1966, the Department of Defense revised specifications fro the design, manufacture and display of the Service Flag.
The Department of Defense specifies that family members authorized to display the flag include the wife, husband, mother, father, stepfather, parent through adoption, foster parents who stand or stood in loco parentis, children, stepchildren, children through adoption, brothers, sisters, half brothers and half sisters of a member of the Armed Forces of the United States. The flag should be displayed in a window of the residence of person who are members of the immediate family.
The Service Flag may also be displayed by an organization to honor the members of that organization serving in the Armed Forces during a period of war or hostilities.
The Service Flag is an indoor flag and should be flown facing out from the front window of the home or organization. If the U.S. Flag is also displayed with the Service Flag, the U.S. Flag should be of equal or greater proportions and should take the place of honor above the Service Flag. If a gold star is added to the Service Flag, it should take the position of honor and be placed over the blue star that is positioned closest to the staff. The gold star should be smaller than the blue star to create a blue border surrounding the gold star.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I AM A BAD AMERICAN
Yes, I'm a bad American.
I am the Liberal-Progressives worst nightmare. I am an American. I believe in God. I ride Harley Davidson motorcycles and believe in American products.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some liberal governmental functionary, be it Democrat or Republican, and it sure doesn't belong to an illegal alien that has never paid anything into social security. I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and it does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has the right to pray to their God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and all our American troops serving.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
I never owned a slave, or was a slave. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already!
I believe if you don't like the ways things are here, go back to where you came from and change your country! This is AMERICA!! We like it the way it is.
If you were born here and don't like it, you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton preach, where they get their money, and why are they always part of the problem and not the solution? Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. And no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.
I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
I believe the president of the United States of America should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing an American flag pin on his lapel!
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in America!!
If this makes me a bad American, then yes, I'm a bad American.
We want our country back!!!
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE.
recent e-mail floating around that my young bride shared with me. She endorses these feelings too!
I am the Liberal-Progressives worst nightmare. I am an American. I believe in God. I ride Harley Davidson motorcycles and believe in American products.
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some liberal governmental functionary, be it Democrat or Republican, and it sure doesn't belong to an illegal alien that has never paid anything into social security. I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.
I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and it does not entitle you to anything. Get over it!
I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.
I believe everyone has the right to pray to their God when and where they want to.
My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and all our American troops serving.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.
I never owned a slave, or was a slave. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already!
I believe if you don't like the ways things are here, go back to where you came from and change your country! This is AMERICA!! We like it the way it is.
If you were born here and don't like it, you are free to move to any Socialist country that will have you.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton preach, where they get their money, and why are they always part of the problem and not the solution? Can I get an AMEN on that one?
I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. And no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license.
I'm proud that 'God' is written on my money.
I believe the president of the United States of America should put his hand over his heart and say the pledge of allegiance and should have no reservations about wearing an American flag pin on his lapel!
I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.
I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the lawyers think.
I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in America!!
If this makes me a bad American, then yes, I'm a bad American.
We want our country back!!!
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE.
recent e-mail floating around that my young bride shared with me. She endorses these feelings too!
How to tell if you're too Hoo-Ah!
In the military, there is such a thing as being too dedicated - I know most of you can relate to some of these and others of us can relate to them all.
Here's some of the ways to tell if you're to Hoo-Ah or "ate up":
01. Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
02. You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed in a tactical chow line at five meter intervals.
03. Before you hit the road on vacation you conduct rehearsals, back briefs, and cover your convoy checklist.
04. Your children clear their hand receipt and housing before they go to college.
05. Your wife has more jumps than most LTs in the company.
06. Your kids call the yard their MWR area.
07. Your kids call their mother "Household 6."
08. Your doorbell is programmable and sounds off with the current challenge and password.
09. You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner.
10. Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations.
11. You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.
12. You do your "back to school" shopping at the U.S. Cavalry store.
13. Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy."
14. Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle."
15. Your wife's "high and tight" is more squared away than your commander's.
I was a soldier, I am a soldier, I always will be a soldier.
Here's some of the ways to tell if you're to Hoo-Ah or "ate up":
01. Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
02. You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed in a tactical chow line at five meter intervals.
03. Before you hit the road on vacation you conduct rehearsals, back briefs, and cover your convoy checklist.
04. Your children clear their hand receipt and housing before they go to college.
05. Your wife has more jumps than most LTs in the company.
06. Your kids call the yard their MWR area.
07. Your kids call their mother "Household 6."
08. Your doorbell is programmable and sounds off with the current challenge and password.
09. You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner.
10. Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations.
11. You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.
12. You do your "back to school" shopping at the U.S. Cavalry store.
13. Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy."
14. Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle."
15. Your wife's "high and tight" is more squared away than your commander's.
I was a soldier, I am a soldier, I always will be a soldier.
Old Glory!
This famous name was coined by Captain William Driver, a ship master of Salem, Massachusetts, in 1831. As he was leaving on one of his many voyage aboard the brig CHARLES DOGGETT - and this one would climax with the rescue of the mutineers of the BOUNTY - some friends presented him with a beautiful flag of twenty four stars. As the banner opened to the ocean breeze for the first time, he exclaimed, "Old Glory!"
He retired in Nashville in 1837, taking his treasured flag from his sea days with him. By the time the War of Northern Aggression erupted, most everyone in and around Nashville recognized Captain Driver's "Old Glory." When Tennessee seceded from the Union, Rebels were determined to destroy his flag, but repeated searches revealed no trace of the hated banner.
Then on 25 February, 1862, Union forces captured Nashville and raised the American flag over the capital. It was a rather small ensign and immediately folks began asking Captain Driver if "Old Glory" still existed. Happy to have soldiers with him this time, Captain Driver went home and began ripping at the seams of his bed cover. As the stitches holding the quilt-top to the batting unraveled, the onlookers peered inside and saw the 24- starred original "Old Glory."
Captain Driver gently gathered up the flag and returned to the capital. Though he was sixty years old, the Captain climbed up to the tower to replace the smaller banner with his beloved flag. The Sixth Ohio Regiment cheered and saluted - and later adopted the nickname "Old Glory" as their own, telling and re-telling the story of Captain Driver's devotion to the flag we honor yet today.
Captain Driver's grave is located in the old Nashville Cemetery, and is one of the three places authorized by act of Congress where the Flag of the United States may be flown 24 hours a day.
A caption above a faded black and white picture in the book, The Stars and Stripes, states that "Old Glory" may no longer be opened to be photographed, and no color photograph is available. Visible in the photo in the lower right corner of the flag is an appliqued anchor, Captain Driver's very personal touch. "Old Glory" is the most illustrious of a number of flags - both Northern and Confederate - reputed to have been similarly hidden, then later revealed as times changed. The flag was given to his granddaughter or niece and she later donated it to the Smithsonian Museum.
He retired in Nashville in 1837, taking his treasured flag from his sea days with him. By the time the War of Northern Aggression erupted, most everyone in and around Nashville recognized Captain Driver's "Old Glory." When Tennessee seceded from the Union, Rebels were determined to destroy his flag, but repeated searches revealed no trace of the hated banner.
Then on 25 February, 1862, Union forces captured Nashville and raised the American flag over the capital. It was a rather small ensign and immediately folks began asking Captain Driver if "Old Glory" still existed. Happy to have soldiers with him this time, Captain Driver went home and began ripping at the seams of his bed cover. As the stitches holding the quilt-top to the batting unraveled, the onlookers peered inside and saw the 24- starred original "Old Glory."
Captain Driver gently gathered up the flag and returned to the capital. Though he was sixty years old, the Captain climbed up to the tower to replace the smaller banner with his beloved flag. The Sixth Ohio Regiment cheered and saluted - and later adopted the nickname "Old Glory" as their own, telling and re-telling the story of Captain Driver's devotion to the flag we honor yet today.
Captain Driver's grave is located in the old Nashville Cemetery, and is one of the three places authorized by act of Congress where the Flag of the United States may be flown 24 hours a day.
A caption above a faded black and white picture in the book, The Stars and Stripes, states that "Old Glory" may no longer be opened to be photographed, and no color photograph is available. Visible in the photo in the lower right corner of the flag is an appliqued anchor, Captain Driver's very personal touch. "Old Glory" is the most illustrious of a number of flags - both Northern and Confederate - reputed to have been similarly hidden, then later revealed as times changed. The flag was given to his granddaughter or niece and she later donated it to the Smithsonian Museum.
Monday, September 8, 2008
High Flight
High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sun ward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds-and done a hundred things
You have never dreamed of-wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew -
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee, Jr
John Gillespie Magee, Jr was an American that joined the Canadian Air Force in 1940 at age 18 where he entered flight training. Within the year, he was sent to England and posted to the newly formed No. 412 fighter Squadron, RCAF, which was activated at Digby, England, on 30 June 1941. He was qualified on and flew the Submarine Spitfire.
Flying fighter sweeps over France and air defense over England against the German Luftwaffe, he rose to the rank of Pilot Officer.
On 03 September 1941, Magee flew a high altitude (30,000 feet) test flight in a newer model of the Spitfire V. As he orbited and climbed upward, he was struck with the inspiration of a poem -
"To touch the face of God."
Once back on the ground, he wrote a letter to his parents. In it he commented, 'I am enclosing a verse I wrote the other day. It started at 30,000 feet, and was finished soon after I landed." On the back of the letter, he jotted down his poem, High Flight.'
Just three months later, on 11 December 1941 (and only three days after the US entered the war), Pilot Officer John Gillespie Magee, Jr. was killed. The Spitfire V he was flying, VZ-H, collided with an Oxford Trainer from Cranwell Airfield flown by one Ernest Aubrey. The mid-air happened at about 400 feet AGL at 1130 hours. John was descending in the clouds. At the enquiry a farmer testified that he saw the Spitfire pilot struggle to push back the canopy. The pilot, he said, finally stood up to jump from the plane. John, however was too close to the ground for his parachute to open. He died instantly. He was 19 years old.
High Flight was recited at the close of each broadcasting day over the only three TV channels we had when growing up. Give ya an idea as to my age.
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sun ward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds-and done a hundred things
You have never dreamed of-wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....
Up, up the long, delirious burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or ever eagle flew -
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee, Jr
John Gillespie Magee, Jr was an American that joined the Canadian Air Force in 1940 at age 18 where he entered flight training. Within the year, he was sent to England and posted to the newly formed No. 412 fighter Squadron, RCAF, which was activated at Digby, England, on 30 June 1941. He was qualified on and flew the Submarine Spitfire.
Flying fighter sweeps over France and air defense over England against the German Luftwaffe, he rose to the rank of Pilot Officer.
On 03 September 1941, Magee flew a high altitude (30,000 feet) test flight in a newer model of the Spitfire V. As he orbited and climbed upward, he was struck with the inspiration of a poem -
"To touch the face of God."
Once back on the ground, he wrote a letter to his parents. In it he commented, 'I am enclosing a verse I wrote the other day. It started at 30,000 feet, and was finished soon after I landed." On the back of the letter, he jotted down his poem, High Flight.'
Just three months later, on 11 December 1941 (and only three days after the US entered the war), Pilot Officer John Gillespie Magee, Jr. was killed. The Spitfire V he was flying, VZ-H, collided with an Oxford Trainer from Cranwell Airfield flown by one Ernest Aubrey. The mid-air happened at about 400 feet AGL at 1130 hours. John was descending in the clouds. At the enquiry a farmer testified that he saw the Spitfire pilot struggle to push back the canopy. The pilot, he said, finally stood up to jump from the plane. John, however was too close to the ground for his parachute to open. He died instantly. He was 19 years old.
High Flight was recited at the close of each broadcasting day over the only three TV channels we had when growing up. Give ya an idea as to my age.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
The original Pledge of Allegiance
The original Pledge of Allegiance -
"I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO MY FLAG AND THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS - ONE NATION INDIVISIBLE - WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL."
On 08 September 1892, the Boston based "The Youth Companion" magazine published a few words for students to repeat on Columbus Day that year. Written by Francis Bellamy, the circulation manager and native of Rome, New York, and reprinted on thousands of leaflets, was sent out to public schools across the country. On October 12, 1892, the quadricentennial of Columbus' arrival, more than 12 million children recited the Pledge of Allegiance, thus beginning a required school day ritual.
At the first National Flag conference in Washington, D.C., on 14 June, 1923, a change was made. For clarity, the words "the Flag of the United States" replaced "my flag". In the following years various changes were suggested but were never formally adopted.
It was not until 1942 that Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance. One year later, in June 1943, the Supreme Court ruled that school children could not be forced to recite it. In fact, today only half of our fifty states have laws that encourage the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in the classroom!
In June of 1954 an amendment was made to add the words "under God". Then President Dwight D. Eisenhower said, "In this way we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America's heritage and future; in this way we shall constantly strengthen those spiritual weapons which forever will be our country's most powerful resource in peace and war."
"I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO MY FLAG AND THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS - ONE NATION INDIVISIBLE - WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL."
On 08 September 1892, the Boston based "The Youth Companion" magazine published a few words for students to repeat on Columbus Day that year. Written by Francis Bellamy, the circulation manager and native of Rome, New York, and reprinted on thousands of leaflets, was sent out to public schools across the country. On October 12, 1892, the quadricentennial of Columbus' arrival, more than 12 million children recited the Pledge of Allegiance, thus beginning a required school day ritual.
At the first National Flag conference in Washington, D.C., on 14 June, 1923, a change was made. For clarity, the words "the Flag of the United States" replaced "my flag". In the following years various changes were suggested but were never formally adopted.
It was not until 1942 that Congress officially recognized the Pledge of Allegiance. One year later, in June 1943, the Supreme Court ruled that school children could not be forced to recite it. In fact, today only half of our fifty states have laws that encourage the recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in the classroom!
In June of 1954 an amendment was made to add the words "under God". Then President Dwight D. Eisenhower said, "In this way we are reaffirming the transcendence of religious faith in America's heritage and future; in this way we shall constantly strengthen those spiritual weapons which forever will be our country's most powerful resource in peace and war."
Last words to her fourteen year old son - Andrew Jackson
This letter was written by Elizabeth Hutchinson Jackson - Mother of Andrew Jackson.
Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure some things I have already said to you.
In this world you will have to make your own way.
To do that you must have friends.
You can make friends by being honest and you can keep them by being steadfast.
You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you.
To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime, not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty.
In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious.
None will respect you more than you respect yourself.
Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always.
Never bring a suit of law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man.
Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you ever have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmly. If angry at first, wait till your wraith cools before you proceed.
When I graduated from high school in 1971, my draft number was 38. Before leaving home after enlisting the Air Force, my dear mother told me, 'Son, you're about to enter into a world full of people the likes you have never been exposed to. Be careful. Always remember you're a poor boy and only have two things in this world, your name and your word. Make them both good.' In my beginning adulthood, I failed miserably on both accounts. But as I grew and had so many help me to become the man I am, those words came back to me. My friends are my greatest wealth. My family my greatest treasure.
Thank you Mom, I love you.
Andrew, if I should not see you again, I wish you to remember and treasure some things I have already said to you.
In this world you will have to make your own way.
To do that you must have friends.
You can make friends by being honest and you can keep them by being steadfast.
You must keep in mind that friends worth having will in the long run expect as much from you as they give to you.
To forget an obligation or be ungrateful for a kindness is a base crime, not merely a fault or a sin, but an actual crime. Men guilty of it sooner or later must suffer the penalty.
In personal conduct be always polite but never obsequious.
None will respect you more than you respect yourself.
Avoid quarrels as long as you can without yielding to imposition. But sustain your manhood always.
Never bring a suit of law for assault and battery or for defamation. The law affords no remedy for such outrages that can satisfy the feelings of a true man.
Never wound the feelings of others. Never brook wanton outrage upon your own feelings. If you ever have to vindicate your feelings or defend your honor, do it calmly. If angry at first, wait till your wraith cools before you proceed.
When I graduated from high school in 1971, my draft number was 38. Before leaving home after enlisting the Air Force, my dear mother told me, 'Son, you're about to enter into a world full of people the likes you have never been exposed to. Be careful. Always remember you're a poor boy and only have two things in this world, your name and your word. Make them both good.' In my beginning adulthood, I failed miserably on both accounts. But as I grew and had so many help me to become the man I am, those words came back to me. My friends are my greatest wealth. My family my greatest treasure.
Thank you Mom, I love you.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Modern Military Terms
Engage the enemy means "to blow something up."
Surgical strike means " to blow up something small."
Decapitate means "to blow up their leaders."
Collateral damage means "to accidentally blow up something of theirs."
Friendly fire means "to blow up something of ours."
Target of opportunity means "to blow something up on a whim."
Kinetic targeting means "to blow something up that is moving."
Ordinance is "something that does the blowing up."
An Asset is "something that can be blown up."
Embedded media means "a report that's blown out of proportion."
Surgical strike means " to blow up something small."
Decapitate means "to blow up their leaders."
Collateral damage means "to accidentally blow up something of theirs."
Friendly fire means "to blow up something of ours."
Target of opportunity means "to blow something up on a whim."
Kinetic targeting means "to blow something up that is moving."
Ordinance is "something that does the blowing up."
An Asset is "something that can be blown up."
Embedded media means "a report that's blown out of proportion."
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Abraham Lincoln: Letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby
November 21, 1864
Mrs. Bixby, Boston, Massachusetts.
Dear Madam:
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our heavenly father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the alter of freedom.
Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
A. Lincoln
This letter was written by the President at the request of the Governor of Massachusetts to a Boston mother who had lost five sons in combat. The letter was delivered on 25 November 1864. Later research revealed that she had not lost that many offspring, but the message remains, nonetheless a valued expression of love of country. The letter reflects Lincolns unique ability to pin down the emotions of the moment.
The authorship of this letter is much debated and many scholars believe it was actually written by John Hay, one of President Lincoln's secretaries. After the letter was written it was later learned that only two of Mrs. Bixby's sons (Charles and Oliver) had actually died in battle. In fact, one of her sons had deserted the army, one was honorably discharged and another deserted or died a prisoner of war.
Mrs. Bixby was believed to be a Confederate sympathizer and destroyed the original letter. A reprint of the letter appeared in the Boston Evening Transcript. Copies of an early forgery have been circulating for many years, causing many people to believe they have the original letter.
The letter was used in the great film 'Saving Pvt. Ryan.'
Mrs. Bixby, Boston, Massachusetts.
Dear Madam:
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant-General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our heavenly father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the alter of freedom.
Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
A. Lincoln
This letter was written by the President at the request of the Governor of Massachusetts to a Boston mother who had lost five sons in combat. The letter was delivered on 25 November 1864. Later research revealed that she had not lost that many offspring, but the message remains, nonetheless a valued expression of love of country. The letter reflects Lincolns unique ability to pin down the emotions of the moment.
The authorship of this letter is much debated and many scholars believe it was actually written by John Hay, one of President Lincoln's secretaries. After the letter was written it was later learned that only two of Mrs. Bixby's sons (Charles and Oliver) had actually died in battle. In fact, one of her sons had deserted the army, one was honorably discharged and another deserted or died a prisoner of war.
Mrs. Bixby was believed to be a Confederate sympathizer and destroyed the original letter. A reprint of the letter appeared in the Boston Evening Transcript. Copies of an early forgery have been circulating for many years, causing many people to believe they have the original letter.
The letter was used in the great film 'Saving Pvt. Ryan.'
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Alligator shoes
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depth of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. The both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, " Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
After becoming frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and get my alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. The both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, " Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"
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