39 Uses for the P38
This list of P-38 uses was compiled by Steve Wilson, MSG Proponent NCO, Dept. of the Army Office of the Chief of Chaplains, The Pentagon. It is posted at the Ft. Bliss Air Defense Artillery Museum among other places:
1. Can Opener
2. Seam Ripper
3. Screwdriver
4. Clean Fingernails
5. Cut Fishing Line
6. Open Paint Cans
7. Window Scraper
8. Scrape Around Floor Corners
9. Digging
10. Clean Out Groove on Tupperware lids
11. Reach in and Clean Out Small Cracks
12. Scrape Around Edge of Boots
13. Bottle Opener
14. Gut Fish (in the field)
15. Scale Fish (in the field)
16. Test for 'Doneness' When Baking on a Camp Fire
17. Prying Items
18. Strip Wire
19. Scrape Pans in the Field
20. Lift Key on Flip Top Cans
21. Chisel
22. Barter
23. Marking Tool
24. Deflating Tires
25. Clean Sole of Boot/Shoe
26. Pick Teeth
27. Measurement
28. Striking Flint
29. Stirring Coffee
30. Puncturing Plastic Coating
31. Knocking on Doors
32. Morse Code
33. Box Cutter
34. Opening Letters
35. Write Emergency Messages
36. Scratch an Itch
37. Save as a Souvenir
38. Rip Off Rank for On-the-Spot Promotions
39. Bee sting removal tool (scrape off w/ blade)
I also add it can be used as a ruler. It is 1 1/2 inches long.
Do you have any P-38 stories to share?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
P-38 Can Opener
P-38 Can Opener
During the WWII, Korean and Vietnam Wars when GI's were ready to devour their delicious meals of K or C-Rations they used their trusty P-38s to open the cans. It wasn't the famous WWII fighter plane or a German pistol, it was an amazingly simple little piece of 1-1/2 inch stamped metal that was developed in just 30 days during the Summer of 1942 by the Subsistence Research Laboratory in Chicago.
It's official designation is 'US ARMY POCKET CAN OPENER' or 'OPENER, CAN, HAND, FOLDING, TYPE I', but it is more commonly known aas the P-38, which it supposedly acquired from the 38 Punctures required to open a C-Ration can.
It is also known by many as a "John Wayne" by those in the Navy and Marines because he was shown opening a can of C-Rations using a P-38 in a WWII training film. From then on Sailors and Marines referred to them as a "John Wayne".
Originally P-38s came wrapped in brown Kraft paper packets with a diagram and directions how to use printed on it. This is the information taken directly from the wrapper:
CAN OPENER DIRECTIONS
Open blade. Place opener as shown in diagram. Twist down to puncture slot in can top inside rim. Cut top by advancing opener with rocking mo-tion. Take small bites.
STERILIZE BEFORE RE-USE
Tie string through hole in opener to wash and ster-ilize with mess-gear if possible. When boiling water is unavailable, clean opener as thorough-ly as possible and hold cutting blade over a match flame a few sec-onds immediately before use.
About a dozen P-38s came packed in a case of C-Rations. Because everyone was hoarding them only 3 were included in a case. These handy gadgets have adorned the dog tag chains and key rings of WWII, Korean and Vietnam war vets ever since opening their first can of C-rats with one. I wear one on my dog tag chain. The word SHELBY is almost worn off. I also have one on my car key chain and mototcyle key chain.
GIs held C-Ration can opening races using P-38s which were usually won by who could open a C-rat can in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
During the WWII, Korean and Vietnam Wars when GI's were ready to devour their delicious meals of K or C-Rations they used their trusty P-38s to open the cans. It wasn't the famous WWII fighter plane or a German pistol, it was an amazingly simple little piece of 1-1/2 inch stamped metal that was developed in just 30 days during the Summer of 1942 by the Subsistence Research Laboratory in Chicago.
It's official designation is 'US ARMY POCKET CAN OPENER' or 'OPENER, CAN, HAND, FOLDING, TYPE I', but it is more commonly known aas the P-38, which it supposedly acquired from the 38 Punctures required to open a C-Ration can.
It is also known by many as a "John Wayne" by those in the Navy and Marines because he was shown opening a can of C-Rations using a P-38 in a WWII training film. From then on Sailors and Marines referred to them as a "John Wayne".
Originally P-38s came wrapped in brown Kraft paper packets with a diagram and directions how to use printed on it. This is the information taken directly from the wrapper:
CAN OPENER DIRECTIONS
Open blade. Place opener as shown in diagram. Twist down to puncture slot in can top inside rim. Cut top by advancing opener with rocking mo-tion. Take small bites.
STERILIZE BEFORE RE-USE
Tie string through hole in opener to wash and ster-ilize with mess-gear if possible. When boiling water is unavailable, clean opener as thorough-ly as possible and hold cutting blade over a match flame a few sec-onds immediately before use.
About a dozen P-38s came packed in a case of C-Rations. Because everyone was hoarding them only 3 were included in a case. These handy gadgets have adorned the dog tag chains and key rings of WWII, Korean and Vietnam war vets ever since opening their first can of C-rats with one. I wear one on my dog tag chain. The word SHELBY is almost worn off. I also have one on my car key chain and mototcyle key chain.
GIs held C-Ration can opening races using P-38s which were usually won by who could open a C-rat can in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
How to make Chipped Beef on Toast. (also known as S.O.S.)
Chipped Beef on Toast(a.k.a. Creamed Beef on Toast, S.O.S., Shit on a Shingle)
Remember SOS? Of course you do! We've all eaten this culinary delight, and some even developed a taste for it. Depending upon who prepared it, SOS could be pretty good, especially if you were starving.
Here is an official U.S. Army recipe for Chipped Beef on Toast or S.O.S. (my dad and step dad both were mess sergeants at one time during their military careers):
CREAMED BEEF ON TOAST (S.O.S.)
1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 tbsp. sifted flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
2 tbsp. butter
Brown ground beef in its own fat. Remove excess fat and save to make the gravy.
Season with salt and pepper.
To make the gravy, place 2 tbsp. reserved fat in a heavy pan.
Slowly add sifted flour, stirring constantly over low heat until thoroughly blended.
Cook for five minutes. Do not brown.
Combine milk and water.
Add butter and scald (not burn) in heavy pan.
Add gravy to scalded milk, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended.
Add meat mixture and cook about 10 minutes, or until desired consistency.
Serve on toast.
Of course, the real recipe used to feed E Company, 502nd, 101st Airborne at the Mess Hall had the measures written in buckets, shovels, fists and other measures that we're probably better off not knowing.
Airborne!!!
All the way!!!!
Remember SOS? Of course you do! We've all eaten this culinary delight, and some even developed a taste for it. Depending upon who prepared it, SOS could be pretty good, especially if you were starving.
Here is an official U.S. Army recipe for Chipped Beef on Toast or S.O.S. (my dad and step dad both were mess sergeants at one time during their military careers):
CREAMED BEEF ON TOAST (S.O.S.)
1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
4 tbsp. sifted flour
1 cup evaporated milk
1 cup water
2 tbsp. butter
Brown ground beef in its own fat. Remove excess fat and save to make the gravy.
Season with salt and pepper.
To make the gravy, place 2 tbsp. reserved fat in a heavy pan.
Slowly add sifted flour, stirring constantly over low heat until thoroughly blended.
Cook for five minutes. Do not brown.
Combine milk and water.
Add butter and scald (not burn) in heavy pan.
Add gravy to scalded milk, stirring constantly until thoroughly blended.
Add meat mixture and cook about 10 minutes, or until desired consistency.
Serve on toast.
Of course, the real recipe used to feed E Company, 502nd, 101st Airborne at the Mess Hall had the measures written in buckets, shovels, fists and other measures that we're probably better off not knowing.
Airborne!!!
All the way!!!!
C-Ration Ammo Can Cooking
Take one empty ammo can, a loose round could change the taste of your field meal.
Empty the Beef Steak from a B-1 Unit, Beef Steak, Potatoes and Gravy from a B-2 Unit and Spiced Beef from a B-3 Unit into the empty ammo can.
Add just a bit of water.
Stir over heat until thoroughly heated.
Add a splash of tobasco sauce to taste.
Feeds four civilians or two hungry grunts.
Empty the Beef Steak from a B-1 Unit, Beef Steak, Potatoes and Gravy from a B-2 Unit and Spiced Beef from a B-3 Unit into the empty ammo can.
Add just a bit of water.
Stir over heat until thoroughly heated.
Add a splash of tobasco sauce to taste.
Feeds four civilians or two hungry grunts.
C-Ration "Instant Joy"
Mix together "Peanut Butter + Crackers + Coffee + Sugar + Creamer + Coco Base Powder (Crush it all up and mix in a little water) = Instant Joy."
Or,
Take the fruit cake, pour some peach juice into the can and heat.
Anyone else have recipe's they'd like to share?
Or,
Take the fruit cake, pour some peach juice into the can and heat.
Anyone else have recipe's they'd like to share?
C-Ration accessory pack contents
C-Ration Accessory Pack Contents
Spoon, Plastic
Salt
Pepper
Coffee, Instant
Sugar
Creamer, Non-dairy
Gum, 2 Chicklets
Cigarettes, (4 smokes in a pack) Winston, Marlboro, Salem, Pall Mall, Camel, Chesterfield, Kent, Lucky Strike, Kool
Matches, Moisture Resistant
Toilet Paper
Stimulator, Dental (which was bascially a small piece of wood you chewed on to soften and spread out and use as a poor substitute for a tooth brush.)
Spoon, Plastic
Salt
Pepper
Coffee, Instant
Sugar
Creamer, Non-dairy
Gum, 2 Chicklets
Cigarettes, (4 smokes in a pack) Winston, Marlboro, Salem, Pall Mall, Camel, Chesterfield, Kent, Lucky Strike, Kool
Matches, Moisture Resistant
Toilet Paper
Stimulator, Dental (which was bascially a small piece of wood you chewed on to soften and spread out and use as a poor substitute for a tooth brush.)
C-Rations
C-RATIONS
The C-Ration, or Type C ration, was an individual canned, pre-cooked ration issued to U.S. military land forces when fresh food (A-ration) or packaged unprepared food (B-ration) prepared in mess halls or field kitchens was impractical or not available and when a survival ration (K-ration or D-ration) was insufficient. Development began in 1938, with the first rations being field tested in 1940 and wide scale adoption following soon after. Following World War II, cost concerns later caused the C-ration to be standardized for field issue regardless of environmental suitability or weight limitations.
The C ration was replaced in 1958 with the Meal, Combat, Individual (MCI). Although officially a new ration the MCI was derived from and very similar to the original C ration, and in fact continued to be called "C rations" by American troops throughout its service life (1958-1980), although this nomenclature is, in a strictly technical sense, incorrect.
"Iron Ration" (1907-1922)
The first attempt to make an individual ration for issue to soldiers in the field was the "iron ration", first introduced in 1907. It consisted of three 3-ounce cakes (made from a concoction of beef boullion powder and parched and cooked wheat), three 1-ounce bars of sweetened chocolate, and packets of salt and pepper. The ration was issued in a sealed tin packet that weighed one pound, and was designed for emergency use when the troops were unable to be supplied with food. It was later discontinued by the adoption of the "Reserve Ration", but findings from the development and use of the Iron Ration went into the development of the emergency D-ration.
"Reserve Ration" (1917-1937)
The Reserve Ration was a ration issued during the latter part of World War I to feed troops who were away from a garrison or field kitchen. It originally consisted of 12 ounces of bacon or one pound of meat (usually canned corned beef), two 8-ounce cans of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, a packet of 1.16 ounces of pre-ground coffee, a packet of 2.4 ounces of granulated sugar, and a packet of 0.16 ounces of salt. There was also a separate "tobacco ration" of 0.4 ounces of tobacco and 10 cigarette rolling papers, later replaced by brand-name machine-rolled cigarettes.
After the war, there were attempts to improve the ration based on input from the field. In 1922, the ration was reorganized to consist of 1 pound of meat (usually beef jerky), 3 ounces of canned corned beef or chocolate, 14 ounces of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, coffee and sugar. In 1925, the meat ration was replaced with canned pork and beans. In 1936, there was an attempt at variety by having an "A"-menu of corned beef and a "B"-menu of pork and beans. This was cancelled upon introduction of the new Field Ration, Type C, in 1938.
Commercially prepared meals were used in the field and at times when hot meals were not available. These meals came in a case containing 12 meals. Each meal was in it's own cardboard box, which contained the individual items sealed in cans. A can opener (called both a "John Wayne" or a "P-38") was needed to open the cans. The accessory pack with each meal was sealed in a foil pouch.
This is the official Quartermaster's description of C-Rations used in Vietnam;
"The Meal, Combat, Individual, is designed for issue as the tactical situation dictates, either in individual units as a meal or in multiples of three as a complete ration. Its characteristics emphasize utility, flexibility of use, and more variety of food components than were included in the Ration, Combat, Individual (C Ration) which it replaces. Twelve different menus are included in the specification.
Each menu contains: one canned meat item; one canned fruit, bread or dessert item; one B unit; an accessory packet containing cigarettes, matches, chewing gum, toilet paper, coffee, cream, sugar, and salt; and a spoon. Four can openers are provided in each case of 12 meals. Although the meat item can be eaten cold, it is more palatable when heated.
Each complete meal contains approximately 1200 calories. The daily ration of 3 meals provides approximately 3600 calories." (It'll make a turd the size of a number ten coffee can)
There were 4 choices of meat in each B group. Because there were several "vintages" of C’s issued to the Marines in Vietnam, more than 4 items may be listed in the B groups as well as the brands of cigarettes included in the accessory pack.
B-1 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Beef Steak, Ham and Eggs, Chopped Ham Slices, Turkey Loaf. Fruit: one can of - Applesauce, Fruit Cocktail, Peaches or Pears. Crackers (7 ea.), Peanut Butter, Solid Chocolate, and Accessory Pack.
B-2 UnitsMeat Choices (in larger cans): Beans and Wieners (my favorite), Spaghetti and Meatballs, Beefsteak, Potatoes and Gravy, Ham and Lima Beans, Meatballs and Beans, Crackers (4 ea.), Processed Cheese Spread, Fruit Cake, Pecan Roll, Pound Cake (always a good trade item, as it was excellent pound cake) Accessory Pack.
B-3 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Boned Chicken, Chicken and Noodles, Meat Loaf, Spiced Beef Bread, White Cookies (4 ea.), Cocoa Beverage Powder, Jam- Apple, Berry, Grape,
Mixed Fruit, Strawberry, Accessory Pack.
The C-Ration, or Type C ration, was an individual canned, pre-cooked ration issued to U.S. military land forces when fresh food (A-ration) or packaged unprepared food (B-ration) prepared in mess halls or field kitchens was impractical or not available and when a survival ration (K-ration or D-ration) was insufficient. Development began in 1938, with the first rations being field tested in 1940 and wide scale adoption following soon after. Following World War II, cost concerns later caused the C-ration to be standardized for field issue regardless of environmental suitability or weight limitations.
The C ration was replaced in 1958 with the Meal, Combat, Individual (MCI). Although officially a new ration the MCI was derived from and very similar to the original C ration, and in fact continued to be called "C rations" by American troops throughout its service life (1958-1980), although this nomenclature is, in a strictly technical sense, incorrect.
"Iron Ration" (1907-1922)
The first attempt to make an individual ration for issue to soldiers in the field was the "iron ration", first introduced in 1907. It consisted of three 3-ounce cakes (made from a concoction of beef boullion powder and parched and cooked wheat), three 1-ounce bars of sweetened chocolate, and packets of salt and pepper. The ration was issued in a sealed tin packet that weighed one pound, and was designed for emergency use when the troops were unable to be supplied with food. It was later discontinued by the adoption of the "Reserve Ration", but findings from the development and use of the Iron Ration went into the development of the emergency D-ration.
"Reserve Ration" (1917-1937)
The Reserve Ration was a ration issued during the latter part of World War I to feed troops who were away from a garrison or field kitchen. It originally consisted of 12 ounces of bacon or one pound of meat (usually canned corned beef), two 8-ounce cans of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, a packet of 1.16 ounces of pre-ground coffee, a packet of 2.4 ounces of granulated sugar, and a packet of 0.16 ounces of salt. There was also a separate "tobacco ration" of 0.4 ounces of tobacco and 10 cigarette rolling papers, later replaced by brand-name machine-rolled cigarettes.
After the war, there were attempts to improve the ration based on input from the field. In 1922, the ration was reorganized to consist of 1 pound of meat (usually beef jerky), 3 ounces of canned corned beef or chocolate, 14 ounces of hard bread or hardtack biscuits, coffee and sugar. In 1925, the meat ration was replaced with canned pork and beans. In 1936, there was an attempt at variety by having an "A"-menu of corned beef and a "B"-menu of pork and beans. This was cancelled upon introduction of the new Field Ration, Type C, in 1938.
Commercially prepared meals were used in the field and at times when hot meals were not available. These meals came in a case containing 12 meals. Each meal was in it's own cardboard box, which contained the individual items sealed in cans. A can opener (called both a "John Wayne" or a "P-38") was needed to open the cans. The accessory pack with each meal was sealed in a foil pouch.
This is the official Quartermaster's description of C-Rations used in Vietnam;
"The Meal, Combat, Individual, is designed for issue as the tactical situation dictates, either in individual units as a meal or in multiples of three as a complete ration. Its characteristics emphasize utility, flexibility of use, and more variety of food components than were included in the Ration, Combat, Individual (C Ration) which it replaces. Twelve different menus are included in the specification.
Each menu contains: one canned meat item; one canned fruit, bread or dessert item; one B unit; an accessory packet containing cigarettes, matches, chewing gum, toilet paper, coffee, cream, sugar, and salt; and a spoon. Four can openers are provided in each case of 12 meals. Although the meat item can be eaten cold, it is more palatable when heated.
Each complete meal contains approximately 1200 calories. The daily ration of 3 meals provides approximately 3600 calories." (It'll make a turd the size of a number ten coffee can)
There were 4 choices of meat in each B group. Because there were several "vintages" of C’s issued to the Marines in Vietnam, more than 4 items may be listed in the B groups as well as the brands of cigarettes included in the accessory pack.
B-1 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Beef Steak, Ham and Eggs, Chopped Ham Slices, Turkey Loaf. Fruit: one can of - Applesauce, Fruit Cocktail, Peaches or Pears. Crackers (7 ea.), Peanut Butter, Solid Chocolate, and Accessory Pack.
B-2 UnitsMeat Choices (in larger cans): Beans and Wieners (my favorite), Spaghetti and Meatballs, Beefsteak, Potatoes and Gravy, Ham and Lima Beans, Meatballs and Beans, Crackers (4 ea.), Processed Cheese Spread, Fruit Cake, Pecan Roll, Pound Cake (always a good trade item, as it was excellent pound cake) Accessory Pack.
B-3 UnitsMeat Choices (in small cans): Boned Chicken, Chicken and Noodles, Meat Loaf, Spiced Beef Bread, White Cookies (4 ea.), Cocoa Beverage Powder, Jam- Apple, Berry, Grape,
Mixed Fruit, Strawberry, Accessory Pack.
How to make a C-Ration cup
How to make a C-Ration Coffee Cup
Obtain the empty B (large, dry) can from the C-ration meal.
Open the top and leave about a quarter inch of the lid attached.
Bend it outward.
Bend the ends down (like wings) to form a handle.
Deluxe (reusable) Version
Remove the top of the can completely.
Obtain 2 lengths of the bailing wire off of the C-Ration case.
Obtain a solid, sturdy stick about 4 inches long.
Notch out a groove around the stick near both ends.
Wrap each length of wire around both top & bottom ends of the can and twist the wire around itself leaving enough twisted wire to twist around the grooves in both ends of the stick 1 inch from the can creating a very nice handle.
Trim off excess wire.
Obtain the empty B (large, dry) can from the C-ration meal.
Open the top and leave about a quarter inch of the lid attached.
Bend it outward.
Bend the ends down (like wings) to form a handle.
Deluxe (reusable) Version
Remove the top of the can completely.
Obtain 2 lengths of the bailing wire off of the C-Ration case.
Obtain a solid, sturdy stick about 4 inches long.
Notch out a groove around the stick near both ends.
Wrap each length of wire around both top & bottom ends of the can and twist the wire around itself leaving enough twisted wire to twist around the grooves in both ends of the stick 1 inch from the can creating a very nice handle.
Trim off excess wire.
How to make C-Rations Ham and Mothers...
How to make C-Rations Ham & Mothers
Open and heat a can of Ham and Lima Beans, or lovingly called, ham and mother fuckers.
When hot, add one can of cheese spread and stir until all cheese is melted.
Crumble 4 crackers into the mixture and blend thouroughly.
Eat when the crackers have absorbed all excess moisture.
Open and heat a can of Ham and Lima Beans, or lovingly called, ham and mother fuckers.
When hot, add one can of cheese spread and stir until all cheese is melted.
Crumble 4 crackers into the mixture and blend thouroughly.
Eat when the crackers have absorbed all excess moisture.
How to heat a C-ration meal
How to Heat a C-Ration Meal
Choose the meal to be heated. This is done by being the first to the case and get what you like, give the ones that no one else wants to the FNG.
Open the can lid leaving at least 1/4 inch metal attached.
Bend the still attached lid to the outside.
Bend the edges of the can to form a handle.
Set meal on stove that you have made from an empty C-ration can. Place a trioxin heat tab, or a small piece of C-4 under the stove and heat to desired temperature, stirring fequently to prevent burning.
Friendly reminder - if you are able to cook your selection before the C-4 burns out, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out.
Choose the meal to be heated. This is done by being the first to the case and get what you like, give the ones that no one else wants to the FNG.
Open the can lid leaving at least 1/4 inch metal attached.
Bend the still attached lid to the outside.
Bend the edges of the can to form a handle.
Set meal on stove that you have made from an empty C-ration can. Place a trioxin heat tab, or a small piece of C-4 under the stove and heat to desired temperature, stirring fequently to prevent burning.
Friendly reminder - if you are able to cook your selection before the C-4 burns out, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out.
How to make a C-ration stove
How to make a C-Ration Stove
After eating a C-ration meal, the empty can was for making a stove. Using a P-38 or"John Wayne," pierce a series of closely spaced holes around the top and bottom rims of the can. This type of stove did not allow enough oxygen to enter which caused incomplete burning of the Trioxin heat tablet, causing fumes which irritated the eyes and respiratory tract.
A better stove was created by simply using the can opener end of a "church key" (a flat metal device designed to open soft drink and beer containers with a bottle opener on one end and can opener on the other commonly used before the invention of the pull tab and screw-off bottle top and all of us as teenagers kept in our cars) to puncture triangular holes around the top and bottom rims of the can which resulted in a hotter fire and much less fumes. With this type of stove only half a Trioxin heat tab was needed to heat the meal.
A small chunk of C-4 explosive could also be substituted for the Trioxin tablet for faster heating. It would burn hotter and was much better for heating water. . A stove was usually carried in the back pack or cargo pocket and used repeatedly until the metal began to fail.
A friendly reminder - if the canned meal is cooked before the C-4 burns up, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out!
After eating a C-ration meal, the empty can was for making a stove. Using a P-38 or"John Wayne," pierce a series of closely spaced holes around the top and bottom rims of the can. This type of stove did not allow enough oxygen to enter which caused incomplete burning of the Trioxin heat tablet, causing fumes which irritated the eyes and respiratory tract.
A better stove was created by simply using the can opener end of a "church key" (a flat metal device designed to open soft drink and beer containers with a bottle opener on one end and can opener on the other commonly used before the invention of the pull tab and screw-off bottle top and all of us as teenagers kept in our cars) to puncture triangular holes around the top and bottom rims of the can which resulted in a hotter fire and much less fumes. With this type of stove only half a Trioxin heat tab was needed to heat the meal.
A small chunk of C-4 explosive could also be substituted for the Trioxin tablet for faster heating. It would burn hotter and was much better for heating water. . A stove was usually carried in the back pack or cargo pocket and used repeatedly until the metal began to fail.
A friendly reminder - if the canned meal is cooked before the C-4 burns up, do not stomp the burning C-4 to put it out!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
A thank you to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq....
Date: Thursday, November 19, 2009, 8:01 PM
A Thank You to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq ....
A guy gets time to think over here and I was thinking about all the support we get from home. Sometimes it's overwhelming. We get care packages at times faster than we can use them. There are boxes and boxes of toiletries and snacks lining the center of every tent; the generosity has been amazing. So, I was pondering the question: "Why do we have so much support?"
In my opinion, it all came down to one thing: Vietnam Veterans. I think we learned a lesson, as a nation, that no matter what, you have to support the troops who are on the line, who are risking everything. We treated them so poorly back then. When they returned was even worse. The stories are nightmarish of what our returning warriors were subjected to. It is a national scar, a blemish on our country, an embarrassment to all of us.
After Vietnam , it had time to sink in. The guilt in our collective consciousness grew. It shamed us. However, we learned from our mistake.
Somewhere during the late 1970's and on into the 80's, we realized that we can't treat our warriors that way. So ... starting during the Gulf War, when the first real opportunity arose to stand up and support the troops, we did. We did it to support our friends and family going off to war. But we also did it to right the wrongs from the Vietnam era. We treat our troops of today like the heroes they were, and are, acknowledge and celebrate their sacrifice, and rejoice at their homecoming ... instead of spitting on them.
And that support continues today for those of us in Iraq . Our country knows that it must support us and it does. The lesson was learned in Vietnam and we are all better because of it.
Everyone who has gone before is a hero. They are celebrated in my heart. I think admirably of all those who have gone before me. From those who fought to establish this country in the late 1770's to those I serve with here in Iraq . They have all sacrificed to ensure our freedom.
But when I get back home, I'm going to make it a personal mission to specifically thank every Vietnam Vet I encounter for THEIR sacrifice. Because if nothing else good came from that terrible war, one thing did. It was the lesson learned on how we treat our warriors. We as a country learned from our mistake and now we treat our warriors as heroes, as we should have all along.
I am the beneficiary of their sacrifice. Not only for the freedom they, like veterans from other wars, ensured, but for how well our country now treats my fellow Marines and I. We are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice.
Semper Fidelis,
Major Brian P. Bresnahan
United States Marine Corps
A Thank You to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq ....
A guy gets time to think over here and I was thinking about all the support we get from home. Sometimes it's overwhelming. We get care packages at times faster than we can use them. There are boxes and boxes of toiletries and snacks lining the center of every tent; the generosity has been amazing. So, I was pondering the question: "Why do we have so much support?"
In my opinion, it all came down to one thing: Vietnam Veterans. I think we learned a lesson, as a nation, that no matter what, you have to support the troops who are on the line, who are risking everything. We treated them so poorly back then. When they returned was even worse. The stories are nightmarish of what our returning warriors were subjected to. It is a national scar, a blemish on our country, an embarrassment to all of us.
After Vietnam , it had time to sink in. The guilt in our collective consciousness grew. It shamed us. However, we learned from our mistake.
Somewhere during the late 1970's and on into the 80's, we realized that we can't treat our warriors that way. So ... starting during the Gulf War, when the first real opportunity arose to stand up and support the troops, we did. We did it to support our friends and family going off to war. But we also did it to right the wrongs from the Vietnam era. We treat our troops of today like the heroes they were, and are, acknowledge and celebrate their sacrifice, and rejoice at their homecoming ... instead of spitting on them.
And that support continues today for those of us in Iraq . Our country knows that it must support us and it does. The lesson was learned in Vietnam and we are all better because of it.
Everyone who has gone before is a hero. They are celebrated in my heart. I think admirably of all those who have gone before me. From those who fought to establish this country in the late 1770's to those I serve with here in Iraq . They have all sacrificed to ensure our freedom.
But when I get back home, I'm going to make it a personal mission to specifically thank every Vietnam Vet I encounter for THEIR sacrifice. Because if nothing else good came from that terrible war, one thing did. It was the lesson learned on how we treat our warriors. We as a country learned from our mistake and now we treat our warriors as heroes, as we should have all along.
I am the beneficiary of their sacrifice. Not only for the freedom they, like veterans from other wars, ensured, but for how well our country now treats my fellow Marines and I. We are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice.
Semper Fidelis,
Major Brian P. Bresnahan
United States Marine Corps
Sales pitch
Sales Pitch...
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.
Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated:
"If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now... Which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.
Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.
Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated:
"If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."
"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000."
"Now... Which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"
Times are tough
Times are tough
Everybody knows how gung-ho Marines are, and how they're always looking for things to volunteer for, right?
Well, a Marine sees a flyer that is advertising a project to cross a human male with a female gorilla. The flyer asks him to participate in the project for $500.
The guy figures, okay, and he goes to the research facility where the experiment is going on. He walks in, and the project director shows him the gorilla.
The Marine thinks for a minute, then says, "Okay, I've got three conditions: first, no kissing. I'm not gonna kiss that hairy beast; Second, I'm not gonna spend the night. I'm gonna do my thing and leave."
The director says that he has no problem with these two conditions. "So what's your final one?" he asks.
"Well, times are tough, and I don't have the $500. Do you think we could work out a payment plan?"
Everybody knows how gung-ho Marines are, and how they're always looking for things to volunteer for, right?
Well, a Marine sees a flyer that is advertising a project to cross a human male with a female gorilla. The flyer asks him to participate in the project for $500.
The guy figures, okay, and he goes to the research facility where the experiment is going on. He walks in, and the project director shows him the gorilla.
The Marine thinks for a minute, then says, "Okay, I've got three conditions: first, no kissing. I'm not gonna kiss that hairy beast; Second, I'm not gonna spend the night. I'm gonna do my thing and leave."
The director says that he has no problem with these two conditions. "So what's your final one?" he asks.
"Well, times are tough, and I don't have the $500. Do you think we could work out a payment plan?"
Telling Marine jokes
Telling Marine Jokes
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says,
''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says,
''Wanna hear a MARINE joke?''
The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2'' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5'' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?''
The sailor says, ''Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.''
Pointing the Irish Marine finger
Pointing the Irish Marine finger
Two Marines graduated Basic Training and were informed that they were being sent to school to become Marine Corps Helicopter Mechanics.
After graduation from helicopter mechanic school, they were sent to their first duty station, and were assigned to work on the flight line.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!"
Two Marines graduated Basic Training and were informed that they were being sent to school to become Marine Corps Helicopter Mechanics.
After graduation from helicopter mechanic school, they were sent to their first duty station, and were assigned to work on the flight line.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"
"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"
"I just touched this big spinning thing here... Damn! There goes another one!"
Marine entrance exam
Subject: MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) CATHOLIC ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? ___ (a) Westerners ___ (b) Southerners ___ (c) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton. Bush: ________________ Carter: ______________ Clinton: _____________
10. Six Kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from? ___ (a) Macy's ___ (b) a 7-11 ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) THE SKY
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? ___ (a) yes ___ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? ___ (a) New York ___ (b) FLORIDA ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? ___ (a) B.C. ___ (b) A.D.
* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify
* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to ___ (a) build a bridge ___ (b) sail the ocean ___ (c) lead an army or ___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!
4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one) ___ (a) Jewish ___ (b) CATHOLIC ___ (c) Hindu ___ (d) Polish ___ (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called? ___ (a) Westerners ___ (b) Southerners ___ (c) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton. Bush: ________________ Carter: ______________ Clinton: _____________
10. Six Kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:
11. Where does rain come from? ___ (a) Macy's ___ (b) a 7-11 ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) THE SKY
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? ___ (a) yes ___ (b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?
17. Which part of America produces the most oranges? ___ (a) New York ___ (b) FLORIDA ___ (c) Canada ___ (d) Wisconsin
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?
19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?
20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? ___ (a) B.C. ___ (b) A.D.
* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify
* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.
Marine introduction
Marine introduction
Three 'gentlemen' are seated together on a cross-country plane trip.
After about an hour the first gentleman, by way of breaking the ice, puts down his New York Times and announces -
"My name is Johnathon Smith."
"Lt. General."
"U.S. Army."
"Retired."
"Served in Korea and Vietnam."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Doctors."
He picks up his paper and continues to read.
About half an hour later, the second gentleman puts down his Washington Post and says, "Dillard Jones.
"Major General."
"U.S. Air Force."
"Retired."
"Served in Vietnam and Gulf War I."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Lawyers."
He then picks up his paper and continues to read.
Later on, the third man puts down his Dailey Racing Form and grunts, "Gus Miller."
"Gunnery Sergeant."
"U.S. Marines Corps"
"Discharged"
"Served in Korea and Vietnam and Gulf War I and Gulf War II."
"NEVER married."
"Two sons, -------- Both Generals!"
Three 'gentlemen' are seated together on a cross-country plane trip.
After about an hour the first gentleman, by way of breaking the ice, puts down his New York Times and announces -
"My name is Johnathon Smith."
"Lt. General."
"U.S. Army."
"Retired."
"Served in Korea and Vietnam."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Doctors."
He picks up his paper and continues to read.
About half an hour later, the second gentleman puts down his Washington Post and says, "Dillard Jones.
"Major General."
"U.S. Air Force."
"Retired."
"Served in Vietnam and Gulf War I."
"Married."
"Two sons."
"Both Lawyers."
He then picks up his paper and continues to read.
Later on, the third man puts down his Dailey Racing Form and grunts, "Gus Miller."
"Gunnery Sergeant."
"U.S. Marines Corps"
"Discharged"
"Served in Korea and Vietnam and Gulf War I and Gulf War II."
"NEVER married."
"Two sons, -------- Both Generals!"
Marines are not stupid!
Marines are not stupid!
After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
After a fire started in a downtown hotel four of the guests found the exit downstairs blocked by fire. The guests consisted of an Army Captain, a Navy Captain, an Air Force Col. and a Marine Major.
Surrounded by the fire, the four went up to the roof.
The fire truck soon arrived and the firemen held out a net and yelled up "Ok Groundpounder, jump!"
The Army Captain responded "I am an Officer and Gentlemen in the United States Army and you will address me as such."
The firemen yelled back, "Ok, Captain, sir, jump!"
The Captain jumped the firemen moved the net and the Captain splattered on the ground.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Swabbie, jump!"
The Navy Captain yelled back "I graduated from the Naval Academy and you will show respect."
The firemen yelled up "Ok, sir, jump!" again the firemen moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Flyboy, jump!" The Air Force Col.yelled back "I am a top ace in the Air Force and I deserve respect."
The firemen said "Ok, pilot sir, jump!" They again moved the net and another splat.
The firemen yelled up "Ok, Jarhead, jump!"
The Marine Major yelled down "I'm not stupid like those other guys, you're not moving the net on me. Before I jump put that net on the ground and step back three paces."
How the Marine Corps became a branch of the Navy
How the Marine Corps become a branch of the Navy.
The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy:
It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.
The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.
Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.
The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.
The story of how the Marines became a branch under the Department of the Navy:
It seems that after WW I, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.
The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.
Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.
The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Pray for me
Pray for Me
Mahmud Ahmadinejad and Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani (current and former conservative presidents) are in an airplane over Tehran.
Ahmadinejad says, "I am going to throw down $100, and let 10 Iranian citizens get them and pray for me."
Rafsanjani, who is richer by far, replies, "I am going to throw out $1,000, and let 100 citizens pray for me."
Provoked by the bravado of both men, the pilot mumbles, "I am going to throw both of you out, and let 70 million Iranians pray for me."
Mahmud Ahmadinejad and Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani (current and former conservative presidents) are in an airplane over Tehran.
Ahmadinejad says, "I am going to throw down $100, and let 10 Iranian citizens get them and pray for me."
Rafsanjani, who is richer by far, replies, "I am going to throw out $1,000, and let 100 citizens pray for me."
Provoked by the bravado of both men, the pilot mumbles, "I am going to throw both of you out, and let 70 million Iranians pray for me."
Kilroy Was Here
Kilroy was here is an American popular culture expression, often seen in graffiti. Its origins are open to speculation, but recognition of it and the distinctive doodle of "Kilroy" peeking over a wall is known almost everywhere among U.S. residents who lived during World War II and through the Korean War.
Similar doodles also appear in other cultures. In an Australian variant, the character peeping over the wall is not named Kilroy but Foo, as in "Foo was here". In the United Kingdom, such graffiti is known as a "chad". In Chile, the graphic is known as a "sapo" (slang for nosy); this might refer to the character's peeping, an activity associated with frogs because of their protruding eyes. In Mexico it is known as "El Fisgon". A very similar figure is "Tosun" in Turkey. Tosun is both a less used male name and also refers to a bullock. It is used as "Bunu yazan Tosun" ("Tosun wrote this"). In Poland Kilroy is replaced with "Józef Tkaczuk", an elementary school janitor (as an urban legend says). Graffiti writings have the form of sentences like "Gdzie jest Józef Tkaczuk?" ("Where is Joseph Tkatchuk?") and "Tu byłem - Józef Tkaczuk" ("I was here - Joseph Thatchuk"). It has appeared in movies as well—at the end of the World War II war comedy Kell's Heroes, Kelly and his men leave the doodle in a bank they've just robbed, along with the words, "UP YOURS, BABY". It appears in the 1970 film Patton on the side of a tank.
Origins
The phrase appears to have originated through United States servicemen, who would draw the doodle and the text "Kilroy Was Here" on the walls or elsewhere they were stationed, encamped, or visited.
One theory identifies James J. Kilroy (1902–1962), an American shipyard inspector, as the man behind the signature. During World War II he worked at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, Mass., where he claimed to have used the phrase to mark rivets he had checked. The builders, whose rivets J. J. Kilroy was counting, were paid depending on the number of rivets they put in. A riveter would make a chalk mark at the end of his or her shift to show where they had left off and the next riveter had started. Unscrupulous riveters discovered that, if they started work before the inspector arrived, they could receive extra pay by erasing the previous worker's chalk mark and chalking a mark farther back on the same seam, giving themselves credit for some of the previous riveter's work. J.J. Kilroy stopped this practice by writing "Kilroy was here" at the site of each chalk mark. At the time, ships were being sent out before they had been painted, so when sealed areas were opened for maintenance, soldiers found an unexplained name scrawled. Thousands of servicemen may have potentially seen his slogan on the outgoing ships and Kilroy's omnipresence and inscrutability sparked the legend. Afterwards, servicemen could have begun placing the slogan on different places and especially in new captured areas or landings. At some later point, the graffito (Chad) and slogan (Kilroy was here) must have merged.
The New York Times indicated this as the origin in 1946, based on the results of a contest conducted by the American Transit Association to establish the origin of the phenomenon. The article noted that Kilroy had marked the ships themselves as they were being built—so, at a later date, the phrase would be found chalked in places that no graffiti-artist could have reached (inside sealed hull spaces, for example), which then fed the mythical significance of the phrase—after all, if Kilroy could leave his mark there, who knew where else he could go?
Another possibility is that Kilroy was actually Richard Kilroy O'Malley, from Butte, Montana, author of "Mile High, Mile Deep" and an Associated Press correspondent during World War II who was subsequently posted in Berlin, Korea, Cyprus, Paris, North Africa and the Belgian Congo.
Kilroy was the most popular of his type in World War II, as well as today. Herbie (Canadian), Chad (British- World War II), and Mr. Foo (Australian- World War I & II) never reached the popularity Kilroy did. The ‘major’ Kilroy graffito fad ended in the 1950s, but today people all over the world still scribble ‘Kilroy was here’ in schools, trains, and other similar public areas.
Legends
There are many urban legends attached to the Kilroy graffiti. One states that Adolf Hitler believed that Kilroy was some kind of American super spy because the graffiti kept turning up in secure Nazi installations, presumably having been actually brought on captured Allied military equipment.
Another states that Stalin was the first to enter an outhouse especially built for the leaders at the Potsdam conference. Upon exiting, Stalin asked an aide: "Who is this Kilroy?" Another legend states that a German officer, having seen frequent "Kilroys" posted in different cities, told all of his men that if they happened to come across a "Kilroy" he wanted to question him personally.
The graffiti is supposedly located on various significant or difficult-to-reach places such as on the torch of the Statue of Liberty, on the Marco Polo Bridge in China, in huts in Polynesia, on a high girder on the George Washington Bridge in New York, at the peak of Mt. Everest, on the underside of the Arc de Triumphe, scribbled in the dust on the moon, in World War II pillboxed scattered around Germany, and around the sewers of Paris.
According to a History Channel's account, young men were hired in 1937 to help move the gold bars at fort Knox, KY. In one scene, when the narrator mentions that some of these workers left graffiti, the message "Kilroy was here" appears on a wall briefly but distinctly with the date 5/13/37.
Similar doodles also appear in other cultures. In an Australian variant, the character peeping over the wall is not named Kilroy but Foo, as in "Foo was here". In the United Kingdom, such graffiti is known as a "chad". In Chile, the graphic is known as a "sapo" (slang for nosy); this might refer to the character's peeping, an activity associated with frogs because of their protruding eyes. In Mexico it is known as "El Fisgon". A very similar figure is "Tosun" in Turkey. Tosun is both a less used male name and also refers to a bullock. It is used as "Bunu yazan Tosun" ("Tosun wrote this"). In Poland Kilroy is replaced with "Józef Tkaczuk", an elementary school janitor (as an urban legend says). Graffiti writings have the form of sentences like "Gdzie jest Józef Tkaczuk?" ("Where is Joseph Tkatchuk?") and "Tu byłem - Józef Tkaczuk" ("I was here - Joseph Thatchuk"). It has appeared in movies as well—at the end of the World War II war comedy Kell's Heroes, Kelly and his men leave the doodle in a bank they've just robbed, along with the words, "UP YOURS, BABY". It appears in the 1970 film Patton on the side of a tank.
Origins
The phrase appears to have originated through United States servicemen, who would draw the doodle and the text "Kilroy Was Here" on the walls or elsewhere they were stationed, encamped, or visited.
One theory identifies James J. Kilroy (1902–1962), an American shipyard inspector, as the man behind the signature. During World War II he worked at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy, Mass., where he claimed to have used the phrase to mark rivets he had checked. The builders, whose rivets J. J. Kilroy was counting, were paid depending on the number of rivets they put in. A riveter would make a chalk mark at the end of his or her shift to show where they had left off and the next riveter had started. Unscrupulous riveters discovered that, if they started work before the inspector arrived, they could receive extra pay by erasing the previous worker's chalk mark and chalking a mark farther back on the same seam, giving themselves credit for some of the previous riveter's work. J.J. Kilroy stopped this practice by writing "Kilroy was here" at the site of each chalk mark. At the time, ships were being sent out before they had been painted, so when sealed areas were opened for maintenance, soldiers found an unexplained name scrawled. Thousands of servicemen may have potentially seen his slogan on the outgoing ships and Kilroy's omnipresence and inscrutability sparked the legend. Afterwards, servicemen could have begun placing the slogan on different places and especially in new captured areas or landings. At some later point, the graffito (Chad) and slogan (Kilroy was here) must have merged.
The New York Times indicated this as the origin in 1946, based on the results of a contest conducted by the American Transit Association to establish the origin of the phenomenon. The article noted that Kilroy had marked the ships themselves as they were being built—so, at a later date, the phrase would be found chalked in places that no graffiti-artist could have reached (inside sealed hull spaces, for example), which then fed the mythical significance of the phrase—after all, if Kilroy could leave his mark there, who knew where else he could go?
Another possibility is that Kilroy was actually Richard Kilroy O'Malley, from Butte, Montana, author of "Mile High, Mile Deep" and an Associated Press correspondent during World War II who was subsequently posted in Berlin, Korea, Cyprus, Paris, North Africa and the Belgian Congo.
Kilroy was the most popular of his type in World War II, as well as today. Herbie (Canadian), Chad (British- World War II), and Mr. Foo (Australian- World War I & II) never reached the popularity Kilroy did. The ‘major’ Kilroy graffito fad ended in the 1950s, but today people all over the world still scribble ‘Kilroy was here’ in schools, trains, and other similar public areas.
Legends
There are many urban legends attached to the Kilroy graffiti. One states that Adolf Hitler believed that Kilroy was some kind of American super spy because the graffiti kept turning up in secure Nazi installations, presumably having been actually brought on captured Allied military equipment.
Another states that Stalin was the first to enter an outhouse especially built for the leaders at the Potsdam conference. Upon exiting, Stalin asked an aide: "Who is this Kilroy?" Another legend states that a German officer, having seen frequent "Kilroys" posted in different cities, told all of his men that if they happened to come across a "Kilroy" he wanted to question him personally.
The graffiti is supposedly located on various significant or difficult-to-reach places such as on the torch of the Statue of Liberty, on the Marco Polo Bridge in China, in huts in Polynesia, on a high girder on the George Washington Bridge in New York, at the peak of Mt. Everest, on the underside of the Arc de Triumphe, scribbled in the dust on the moon, in World War II pillboxed scattered around Germany, and around the sewers of Paris.
According to a History Channel's account, young men were hired in 1937 to help move the gold bars at fort Knox, KY. In one scene, when the narrator mentions that some of these workers left graffiti, the message "Kilroy was here" appears on a wall briefly but distinctly with the date 5/13/37.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Take the General's temperature...
The general was confined to the military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his meals were too cold or not served to suit his taste, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime activities interfered with his rest… and on, and on.
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.” After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed.
The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don`t move. I`ll be back in five minutes to check up on you.” and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What`s going on here?”
“Haven`t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.
“Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”
One afternoon an orderly entered the room. “Time to take your temperature, General.” After growling at the orderly, the general opened his mouth to accept the thermometer.
“Sorry, General, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.”
A whole new barrage of verbal abuse followed, but the orderly was insistent that a rectal temperature was what the test called for. The general at last rolled over, bared his rear, and allowed the orderly to proceed.
The orderly then told the general, “Stay exactly like that and don`t move. I`ll be back in five minutes to check up on you.” and withdrew.
An hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, “What`s going on here?”
“Haven`t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?” the general barked.
“Yes I have, General, but with a daffodil?”
Navy shaved head....
One ship in the squadron had a captain whose officers idolized him, and tried to emulate his every action.
When he bought a particular brand of cologne, all the other officers began wearing the same cologne.
When he started smoking a pipe, so did the officers.
One day, the captain returned from shore with his head shaved!
Sure enough, that evening, all the officers in his crew crowded into the base barber shop to have their head shaved, too.
The next morning, the captain appeared on the bridge, looked around at all the bald pates, and without a word, reached up and pulled off his skin-head wig.
When he bought a particular brand of cologne, all the other officers began wearing the same cologne.
When he started smoking a pipe, so did the officers.
One day, the captain returned from shore with his head shaved!
Sure enough, that evening, all the officers in his crew crowded into the base barber shop to have their head shaved, too.
The next morning, the captain appeared on the bridge, looked around at all the bald pates, and without a word, reached up and pulled off his skin-head wig.
You might be a soldier if....
You might be a soldier if.....
1. …The day after payday you realize you’ve spent half of your earnings on “champagne” for a woman who speaks broken English and pretends to be interested in your war stories….
2. …Instead of a gold chain around your neck, you’ve got a stainless steel one threaded through a P38…
3. …Your street addresses have been Infantry Blvd, Howitzer Lane and Helmet Drive…
4. …Your wife responds to “hooah” and understands what it means regardless of the context you present it in…
5. …When in a strange place and needing a restroom, you ask where the latrine is…
6. …When you go camping, you first check for possible avenues of approach
7. …You ridicule other campers for setting up down wind and down slope of the latrine.
8. …You’re the only one that doesn’t complain about having to stand and eat at the same time at parties.
9. …When you’re stopped by police for speeding, you give the excuse that you’ve just returned from Germany where there are no speed limits.
10. …You’re always conscious of your per diem spending limit when in a nightclub on TDY.
11. …You’ve ever used your poncho-liner as a bed spread.
12. …You have a bottle of Tabasco sauce ready for every meal.
13. …You still have an urge to line up your shoes under your bed.
14. …Either you or your spouse have a least one pair of camouflage underwear.
15. …You’ve ever answered the phone at home like the CQ.
16. ..the only time you and the wife eat without the kids is at the unit “dining out”.
17. …you always back into parking spaces.
18. …you have to lookup your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all.
19. … each page of your vacation atlas has two routes marked.
20. …your favorite author is Harold Coyle, Mike Malone, or Tom Clancy.
21. …when your kids are too noisy, you announce “at ease!”
22. …you don’t own any blue ink pens.
23. …you keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies.
24. …when talking to relatives by phone, you end the conversation with “out here.”
25. …you refer to your spouse as “Household 6″ or CINC House.”
26. …you’ve seen Patton enough times to memorize his speech.
27. …CNN is your favorite program.
28. …you call the Post Locator instead of Information to find your friends.
29. …you take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags.
30. …your kids can speak three languages by age eight.
31. …the only suit you own is your Class A uniform.
32. …you carry your pager to the shower.
33. …your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states.
34. …you convince your wife that all ten of your guns are necessary for home protection.
35. …you have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car.
36. ….you tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and they try to explain that its only nine o’clock.
37. ….the allotment column of your LES has more entries than the entitlement column.
38. …no one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms.
39. …you can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house.
40. ….your kids know the words to “she wore a yellow ribbon.”
41. ….your two-year old calls everyone in BDUs “daddy”.
42. …the phone book lists your rank instead of Mr.
43. …your spouse hasn’t unpacked the good china for twenty years.
44. …your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall.
45. …you ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes.
46. …you live on post so you can hear reveille every morning.
47. ….your family calls you “Sir.”
48. ….all your jokes begin with “there was this soldier, a marine and an airman…”
49. And the biggest indicator … if you understood and related to the above list!!!!!
1. …The day after payday you realize you’ve spent half of your earnings on “champagne” for a woman who speaks broken English and pretends to be interested in your war stories….
2. …Instead of a gold chain around your neck, you’ve got a stainless steel one threaded through a P38…
3. …Your street addresses have been Infantry Blvd, Howitzer Lane and Helmet Drive…
4. …Your wife responds to “hooah” and understands what it means regardless of the context you present it in…
5. …When in a strange place and needing a restroom, you ask where the latrine is…
6. …When you go camping, you first check for possible avenues of approach
7. …You ridicule other campers for setting up down wind and down slope of the latrine.
8. …You’re the only one that doesn’t complain about having to stand and eat at the same time at parties.
9. …When you’re stopped by police for speeding, you give the excuse that you’ve just returned from Germany where there are no speed limits.
10. …You’re always conscious of your per diem spending limit when in a nightclub on TDY.
11. …You’ve ever used your poncho-liner as a bed spread.
12. …You have a bottle of Tabasco sauce ready for every meal.
13. …You still have an urge to line up your shoes under your bed.
14. …Either you or your spouse have a least one pair of camouflage underwear.
15. …You’ve ever answered the phone at home like the CQ.
16. ..the only time you and the wife eat without the kids is at the unit “dining out”.
17. …you always back into parking spaces.
18. …you have to lookup your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all.
19. … each page of your vacation atlas has two routes marked.
20. …your favorite author is Harold Coyle, Mike Malone, or Tom Clancy.
21. …when your kids are too noisy, you announce “at ease!”
22. …you don’t own any blue ink pens.
23. …you keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies.
24. …when talking to relatives by phone, you end the conversation with “out here.”
25. …you refer to your spouse as “Household 6″ or CINC House.”
26. …you’ve seen Patton enough times to memorize his speech.
27. …CNN is your favorite program.
28. …you call the Post Locator instead of Information to find your friends.
29. …you take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags.
30. …your kids can speak three languages by age eight.
31. …the only suit you own is your Class A uniform.
32. …you carry your pager to the shower.
33. …your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states.
34. …you convince your wife that all ten of your guns are necessary for home protection.
35. …you have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car.
36. ….you tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and they try to explain that its only nine o’clock.
37. ….the allotment column of your LES has more entries than the entitlement column.
38. …no one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms.
39. …you can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house.
40. ….your kids know the words to “she wore a yellow ribbon.”
41. ….your two-year old calls everyone in BDUs “daddy”.
42. …the phone book lists your rank instead of Mr.
43. …your spouse hasn’t unpacked the good china for twenty years.
44. …your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall.
45. …you ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes.
46. …you live on post so you can hear reveille every morning.
47. ….your family calls you “Sir.”
48. ….all your jokes begin with “there was this soldier, a marine and an airman…”
49. And the biggest indicator … if you understood and related to the above list!!!!!
The tightest pants
A Marine had been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a girl wearing the tightest pants he had ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, “How do you get in those pants?”
The young woman looks him over and replies, “Well, you could start by buying me a drink.”
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, “How do you get in those pants?”
The young woman looks him over and replies, “Well, you could start by buying me a drink.”
Compassionate Leave
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
“Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted. “Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
“Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave,” the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. “Sergeant-Major! Haven’t we given this man two compassionate home leaves?”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replies.
“Then what’s his problem, Sgt. Major?” the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, “Sir. It’s you he’s fond of.”
One man he passed sported an enormous erection.
“Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted. “Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied.
A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man.
“Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave,” the Colonel barked.
A few months later, same guy, same problem.
The Colonel is angry. “Sergeant-Major! Haven’t we given this man two compassionate home leaves?”
“Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replies.
“Then what’s his problem, Sgt. Major?” the Colonel asks.
The Sgt. Major salutes and says, “Sir. It’s you he’s fond of.”
Typical Navy Officer Problem
After landing, new ensign wrote up this complaint about an A-7 that he had just finished flying, “Pilot relief tube too short.”
(The pilot relief tube is a device that allows a male pilot to relieve himself in flight if he’s had a little too much coffee before climbing into the cockpit.)
When Maintenance investigated the squawk, they found that the relief tube was tangled around the base of the stick. After correcting the problem, they gave the pilot’s chain (and probably his ego) a good yank by signing off the maintenance form like this:
“Pilot relief tube found to be of sufficient length for enlisted personnel.”
(The pilot relief tube is a device that allows a male pilot to relieve himself in flight if he’s had a little too much coffee before climbing into the cockpit.)
When Maintenance investigated the squawk, they found that the relief tube was tangled around the base of the stick. After correcting the problem, they gave the pilot’s chain (and probably his ego) a good yank by signing off the maintenance form like this:
“Pilot relief tube found to be of sufficient length for enlisted personnel.”
Short Military Jokes
SHORT MILITARY JOKES
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"
A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."
The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.
In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, "It's only 2014 now."
A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!"
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.
The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"
A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."
The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.
As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.
When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
This Marine drill instructor, completely frazzled by the ineptitude of his recruits, burst into a blue streak of swearing hot enough to blister paint. He broke off suddenly when he noticed one of the recruits had been talking in ranks.
"WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID, RECRUIT??" the drill sergeant hollered.
In a quivering voice, the recruit replied, "I said, to myself, Drill Sergeant Sir, 'if that sucker thinks I'm going to stand here and take his crap . . . well, he's certainly an uncanny judge of character.
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American Servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it. Once the men rotated back to the US, all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.
A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself, as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well, won't they find out?"
The man shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"
"My father said it'd be a good idea, sir."
"Oh? And what does your father do?"
"He's in the Army, sir."
While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
When the very curvaceous female midshipman at the Naval Academy noticed one of the men she was inspecting during formation had an erection, she said to him, "And what do you call that trouser bulge, mister?"
The sailor looked her straight in the eye as he replied, "It's a one-gun salute, ma'am."
The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump."
"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary."
Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, "Major, when was the last time you had sex?"
"1956," was his reply.
"No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Major, you need to get out more!"
"I'm not sure I understand you," he answered, glancing at his watch, "It's only 2014 now."
A Colonel and a Major are in the BOQ arguing. The Colonel says sex is 90% work and only 10% pleasure. The Major argues the opposite: 90% pleasure and 10% work. They can't agree, so seek a 3rd party to arbitrate. The only person around is a Private doing latrine orderly duty. They ask him his opinion. He asks them if he could speak freely, and they tell him to go ahead.
He answers, "Well, if you really ask my opinion, I'd say it's all pleasure, for if there was any work connected with it, you SOB's would have me doing it!"
In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!"
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