13. Just tryin' to impress the chicks.
12. NATO strategists were loathe to open maps of the area because refolding them can be difficult and annoying.
11. "Kosovo?! We though you said KOKOMO!"
10. Bombardier still pissed off about his Yugo.
9. Chinese embassy "just too shiny to ignore."
8. Pilot's ugly little secret: never COULD hit those womprats back home in Beggar's Canyon.
7. Totally hammered after losing a game of "quarters" to Boris Yeltsin.
6. Canadian navigator busy extolling virtues of Celine Dion.
5. Pilot playing Kosovo bingo needed B5, not G2.
4. Forgot to adjust for weight of Slim Pickens.
3. Male pilots refused to stop and ask for directions.
2. General Magoo has no comment.
1. NATO headquarters dinner order for "take out Chinese" was grossly misunderstood.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Military word/phrase origins
Military word/phrase origins.
HORRIBLE ETYMOLOGICAL REVELATION. In 1941 American military etymology lovers discovered with horror that the abbreviation CINCUS (Commander-in-Chief, US Fleet) implied the invitation to the enemy 'Sink Us'. The abbreviation abetting the enemy was hastily changed.
ETYMOLOGY TORPEDOED. Everybody knows about that naval weapon 'torpedo'. But only few people are aware of the connection of this word with the fish world though the torpedo was often called a 'tin-fish', a 'kipper', etc. The word 'torpedo' is a metaphorical transfer from the name in Latin of an electric ray from the family Torpedinidae which possesses a peculiar organ enabling it to stun its prey with electric shock.
EIGHTBALL. 'Eightball' is a highly uncomplimentary slang word standing for a rather objectionable character ('gold brick', 'goof'). The word owes its origin to the billiard game where the number 8 ball has some restrictive associations which make it an object of disapproval. Namely, in a pocket billiard game, popular in the USA, the player loses if he directs the eight ball into the pocket. Hence, the phrase 'be behind the eightball' (in trouble).
In the Army the word has likely connections with the expression 'Section 8' which was a section of provisions specifying the reasons for discharge from military service. 'Section 8' defined the reasons for discharge for reasons of mental, psychiatric deficiencies and therefore 'Section 8' figuratively means a 'psycho', a 'moron'.
DRONE. A drone is a collective name for pilotless aircraft. But original meaning was and is 'the male of the honeybee and other bees'. This particular kind of the insect through clear associations was connected with such notions as 'one who lives on the labor of others', 'an idler', 'a sluggard'.
These associations underlie the transfer of the meaning to an aircraft which was steered by remote control without a pilot. Initially, pilotless aircraft were used as air targets for training AA gun crews. These targets were marked with black stripes along the tail part of the fuselage. These stripes looked like those of a drone (the insect). Hence, the nickname.
Nowadays pilotless aircraft are distinguished as drones and RPVs (remotely-piloted vehicles). Drones are program-guided while RPVs are piloted from a distance by operators. It is curious to know that bomber air crews called jokingly air gunners 'drones'. Probably because air gunners were idle during flights and had only lots of things to do when firing at enemy fighters.
SEESAW BATTLE. 'Seesaw battle' is fighting with inconclusive result for both sides, with ups and down of war luck. A very well-known plaything of children (a rocking plank with a support at the middle) used to provide fun for kids was associated with some combat operations. British also use the phrase 'ding-dong battle' where 'ding-dong' is a figurative expression of back and forth motion of the knocker of a bell.
HORRIBLE ETYMOLOGICAL REVELATION. In 1941 American military etymology lovers discovered with horror that the abbreviation CINCUS (Commander-in-Chief, US Fleet) implied the invitation to the enemy 'Sink Us'. The abbreviation abetting the enemy was hastily changed.
ETYMOLOGY TORPEDOED. Everybody knows about that naval weapon 'torpedo'. But only few people are aware of the connection of this word with the fish world though the torpedo was often called a 'tin-fish', a 'kipper', etc. The word 'torpedo' is a metaphorical transfer from the name in Latin of an electric ray from the family Torpedinidae which possesses a peculiar organ enabling it to stun its prey with electric shock.
EIGHTBALL. 'Eightball' is a highly uncomplimentary slang word standing for a rather objectionable character ('gold brick', 'goof'). The word owes its origin to the billiard game where the number 8 ball has some restrictive associations which make it an object of disapproval. Namely, in a pocket billiard game, popular in the USA, the player loses if he directs the eight ball into the pocket. Hence, the phrase 'be behind the eightball' (in trouble).
In the Army the word has likely connections with the expression 'Section 8' which was a section of provisions specifying the reasons for discharge from military service. 'Section 8' defined the reasons for discharge for reasons of mental, psychiatric deficiencies and therefore 'Section 8' figuratively means a 'psycho', a 'moron'.
DRONE. A drone is a collective name for pilotless aircraft. But original meaning was and is 'the male of the honeybee and other bees'. This particular kind of the insect through clear associations was connected with such notions as 'one who lives on the labor of others', 'an idler', 'a sluggard'.
These associations underlie the transfer of the meaning to an aircraft which was steered by remote control without a pilot. Initially, pilotless aircraft were used as air targets for training AA gun crews. These targets were marked with black stripes along the tail part of the fuselage. These stripes looked like those of a drone (the insect). Hence, the nickname.
Nowadays pilotless aircraft are distinguished as drones and RPVs (remotely-piloted vehicles). Drones are program-guided while RPVs are piloted from a distance by operators. It is curious to know that bomber air crews called jokingly air gunners 'drones'. Probably because air gunners were idle during flights and had only lots of things to do when firing at enemy fighters.
SEESAW BATTLE. 'Seesaw battle' is fighting with inconclusive result for both sides, with ups and down of war luck. A very well-known plaything of children (a rocking plank with a support at the middle) used to provide fun for kids was associated with some combat operations. British also use the phrase 'ding-dong battle' where 'ding-dong' is a figurative expression of back and forth motion of the knocker of a bell.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Get your dollar bill out....
Who was Hayim Solomon?
On the rear of the One Dollar bill, you will see two circles. Together, they comprise the Great Seal of the United States . The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved.
If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid.
Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the west or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin 's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.
'IN GOD WE TRUST' is on this currency.
The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, 'God has favored our undertaking.'
The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, 'a new order has begun.'
At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. (MDCCLXXVI)
If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery , and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States , and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols mean.
The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own.
At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation.
In the Eagle's beak you will read, ' E PLURIBUS UNUM' meaning,'one from many.'
Above the Eagle, you have the thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.
Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.
They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this:
13 original colonies,
13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid,
13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,' 13 letters in 'E Pluribus Unum,'
13 stars above the Eagle,
13 bars on that shield,
13 leaves on the olive branch,
13 fruits,
and if you look closely,
13 arrows.
And finally, if you notice the arrangement of the 13 stars in the right-hand circle you will see that they are arranged as a Star of David.
This was ordered by George Washington who, when he asked Hayim Solomon, a wealthy Philadelphia Jew, what he would like as a personal reward for his services to the Continental Army, Solomon said he wanted nothing for himself but that he would like something for his people. The Star of David was the result.
Few people know that it was Solomon who saved the Army through his financial contributions but died a pauper.
I ask people, 'Why don't you know this?'
Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this.
Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all.
In memory of over 58,048 Brothers that never returned, Vietnam 59-75.
In memory of over 4,212 Brothers that never returned, Iraq 03-08 (over 30,879 have been wounded).
In memory of over 208 Brothers that never returned, Afghanastan 01-08.
Just a bit of American knowledge I wanted to pass on.
God Bless our troops.
God Bless my Vietnam Vet M/C Brothers.
God Bless my Legacy Vets M/C Brothers
God Bless America.
On the rear of the One Dollar bill, you will see two circles. Together, they comprise the Great Seal of the United States . The First Continental Congress requested that Benjamin Franklin and a group of men come up with a Seal. It took them four years to accomplish this task and another two years to get it approved.
If you look at the left-hand circle, you will see a Pyramid.
Notice the face is lighted, and the western side is dark. This country was just beginning. We had not begun to explore the west or decided what we could do for Western Civilization. The Pyramid is uncapped, again signifying that we were not even close to being finished. Inside the capstone you have the all-seeing eye, an ancient symbol for divinity. It was Franklin 's belief that one man couldn't do it alone, but a group of men, with the help of God, could do anything.
'IN GOD WE TRUST' is on this currency.
The Latin above the pyramid, ANNUIT COEPTIS, means, 'God has favored our undertaking.'
The Latin below the pyramid, NOVUS ORDO SECLORUM, means, 'a new order has begun.'
At the base of the pyramid is the Roman Numeral for 1776. (MDCCLXXVI)
If you look at the right-hand circle, and check it carefully, you will learn that it is on every National Cemetery in the United States It is also on the Parade of Flags Walkway at the Bushnell, Florida National Cemetery , and is the centerpiece of most hero's monuments. Slightly modified, it is the seal of the President of the United States , and it is always visible whenever he speaks, yet very few people know what the symbols mean.
The Bald Eagle was selected as a symbol for victory for two reasons: First, he is not afraid of a storm; he is strong, and he is smart enough to soar above it. Secondly, he wears no material crown. We had just broken from the King of England Also, notice the shield is unsupported. This country can now stand on its own.
At the top of that shield you have a white bar signifying congress, a unifying factor. We were coming together as one nation.
In the Eagle's beak you will read, ' E PLURIBUS UNUM' meaning,'one from many.'
Above the Eagle, you have the thirteen stars, representing the thirteen original colonies, and any clouds of misunderstanding rolling away. Again, we were coming together as one.
Notice what the Eagle holds in his talons. He holds an olive branch and arrows. This country wants peace, but we will never be afraid to fight to preserve peace. The Eagle always wants to face the olive branch, but in time of war, his gaze turns toward the arrows.
They say that the number 13 is an unlucky number. This is almost a worldwide belief. You will usually never see a room numbered 13, or any hotels or motels with a 13th floor. But think about this:
13 original colonies,
13 signers of the Declaration of Independence,
13 stripes on our flag, 13 steps on the Pyramid,
13 letters in, 'Annuit Coeptis,' 13 letters in 'E Pluribus Unum,'
13 stars above the Eagle,
13 bars on that shield,
13 leaves on the olive branch,
13 fruits,
and if you look closely,
13 arrows.
And finally, if you notice the arrangement of the 13 stars in the right-hand circle you will see that they are arranged as a Star of David.
This was ordered by George Washington who, when he asked Hayim Solomon, a wealthy Philadelphia Jew, what he would like as a personal reward for his services to the Continental Army, Solomon said he wanted nothing for himself but that he would like something for his people. The Star of David was the result.
Few people know that it was Solomon who saved the Army through his financial contributions but died a pauper.
I ask people, 'Why don't you know this?'
Your children don't know this, and their history teachers don't know this.
Too many veterans have given up too much to ever let the meaning fade. Many veterans remember coming home to an America that didn't care. Too many veterans never came home at all.
In memory of over 58,048 Brothers that never returned, Vietnam 59-75.
In memory of over 4,212 Brothers that never returned, Iraq 03-08 (over 30,879 have been wounded).
In memory of over 208 Brothers that never returned, Afghanastan 01-08.
Just a bit of American knowledge I wanted to pass on.
God Bless our troops.
God Bless my Vietnam Vet M/C Brothers.
God Bless my Legacy Vets M/C Brothers
God Bless America.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Leave and Liberty standards
Leave and liberty standards
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.
NAVY: 2 days a week.
AIR FORCE: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
MARINES: None.
ARMY: 4 hours a week.
NAVY: 2 days a week.
AIR FORCE: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
Freezing the balls off a brass monkey
"Freezing the Balls Off the Brass Monkey," a Navy Phrase about Cannon Balls-Fiction!
Summary of the e-Rumor
This piece of alleged history explains that in the olden days of sailing ships, cannon balls were stacked on the decks on brass plates called "monkeys." The plates had indentions in them that held the balls on the bottoms of the stacks. Brass, however, expands and contracts with the temperature and if it got cold enough, the cannon balls could fall...giving real foundation to the phrase "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
The Truth
According to the United States Navy Historical Center, this is a legend of the sea without historical justification. The center has researched this because of the questions it gets and says the term "brass monkey" and a vulgar reference to the effect of cold on the monkey's extremities, appears to have originated in the book "Before the Mast" by C.A. Abbey. It was said that it was so cold that it would "freeze the tail off a brass monkey." The Navy says there is no evidence that the phrase had anything to do with ships or ships with cannon balls
Summary of the e-Rumor
This piece of alleged history explains that in the olden days of sailing ships, cannon balls were stacked on the decks on brass plates called "monkeys." The plates had indentions in them that held the balls on the bottoms of the stacks. Brass, however, expands and contracts with the temperature and if it got cold enough, the cannon balls could fall...giving real foundation to the phrase "cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"
The Truth
According to the United States Navy Historical Center, this is a legend of the sea without historical justification. The center has researched this because of the questions it gets and says the term "brass monkey" and a vulgar reference to the effect of cold on the monkey's extremities, appears to have originated in the book "Before the Mast" by C.A. Abbey. It was said that it was so cold that it would "freeze the tail off a brass monkey." The Navy says there is no evidence that the phrase had anything to do with ships or ships with cannon balls
National Guard glossary
National guard glossary
National Guard Leadership:
'Commander' - Whoever starts the unit.
'Second in Command' - His best friend or closest relative.
'Auxiliary Commander' - His wife or mom.
'Intelligence Chief' - The guy with a police scanner and his mom's email account.
'Informant' - the first one of us who gets caught doing anything illegal.
National Guard Rank Structure:
'General' - National Guard Commander (Number of stars on hat reflect size of head.)
'Colonel' - His best friend.
'Major' - Wives, moms, friends and whoever lets you use their property to 'train.'
'Captain' - New guy.
'Officer' - Guy who pulls you over for having no tags on your truck.
'Private' - Highest rank actually attained by commander before being kicked out of the real military.
National Guard Command sizes:
'Battalion' - A National Guard Unit with 3-5 guys who show up for every meeting.
'Brigade' - Unit with more than 6 guys.
'Division' - Harder than subtraction but easier than algebra.
'Company' - Place where we order our National Guard stuff.
'Platoon' - Movie about Vietnam which gives us 'flashbacks,' (even though we were in high school at the time.)
'Squad' - Guys in the ambulance who come out when one of us falls or accidentally shoots someone during training.
National Guard Unit Specialties and Capabilities:
'Internet National Guard' - Number unknown. Source for secret information the government does not want anyone to know. Capable of sending mean faxes, SPAM and flaming email when provoked. (USCMike, PMIL, EAGLEFLT, etc.)
'Mail Order National Guard' (MONG) - Numbering in the dozens. Most often seen on television news wearing home made uniforms with awards and patches for wars we never fought in. Capable of newsletter creation, mean faxes, SPAM and creation of tons of 'documentation' when provoked.
'Shortwave Radio National Guard' - About a half dozen active. Specialize in selling books, videos, gold, silver and canned food while begging for donations so we can 'keep getting the truth out.' Capable of basically embarrassing themselves when provoked.
'State National Guard' - Sometimes as many as 20 guys per state. Capable of enhancing careers of federal agents and infighting like schoolgirls when provoked.
National Guard Terminology:
'National Guard Headquarters' - Mom's basement, garage or the trailer of whoever has the fax machine.
'Enemy' - NWO, UN and other National Guard leaders who lie about me.
'Full auto' - Three in front seat, four in back, National Guard stuff in trunk.
'Operation' - Stuff the doctor does after the squad takes you to the hospital for hurting yourself.
'New World Order' - Bar codes on beer cans, warnings on cigarette packs, cameras in K-mart and anything else we don't like or understand.
'Common Law Grand Jury' - Ten or more old people practicing law without a clue.
'Federal Agent' - Any National Guard commander who says anything bad about me.
'Global Conspiracy' - Why tornados target our trailers, why our sisters/wives have facial hair and why we only manage to make minimum wage (even though many of us have a GED.)
'U.N. Troops' - Foreign soldiers hidden everywhere, sent in by NWO to spy on the National Guard. Anyone wearing anything light blue in color.
'Leaderless Resistance' - Where we do something really stupid without any pre-planning or supervision.
'Training' - Cleaning guns while eating MRE's and watching the movie 'Red Dawn.'
'God, Guns and Guts' - Well, we've got guns.
National Guard Leadership:
'Commander' - Whoever starts the unit.
'Second in Command' - His best friend or closest relative.
'Auxiliary Commander' - His wife or mom.
'Intelligence Chief' - The guy with a police scanner and his mom's email account.
'Informant' - the first one of us who gets caught doing anything illegal.
National Guard Rank Structure:
'General' - National Guard Commander (Number of stars on hat reflect size of head.)
'Colonel' - His best friend.
'Major' - Wives, moms, friends and whoever lets you use their property to 'train.'
'Captain' - New guy.
'Officer' - Guy who pulls you over for having no tags on your truck.
'Private' - Highest rank actually attained by commander before being kicked out of the real military.
National Guard Command sizes:
'Battalion' - A National Guard Unit with 3-5 guys who show up for every meeting.
'Brigade' - Unit with more than 6 guys.
'Division' - Harder than subtraction but easier than algebra.
'Company' - Place where we order our National Guard stuff.
'Platoon' - Movie about Vietnam which gives us 'flashbacks,' (even though we were in high school at the time.)
'Squad' - Guys in the ambulance who come out when one of us falls or accidentally shoots someone during training.
National Guard Unit Specialties and Capabilities:
'Internet National Guard' - Number unknown. Source for secret information the government does not want anyone to know. Capable of sending mean faxes, SPAM and flaming email when provoked. (USCMike, PMIL, EAGLEFLT, etc.)
'Mail Order National Guard' (MONG) - Numbering in the dozens. Most often seen on television news wearing home made uniforms with awards and patches for wars we never fought in. Capable of newsletter creation, mean faxes, SPAM and creation of tons of 'documentation' when provoked.
'Shortwave Radio National Guard' - About a half dozen active. Specialize in selling books, videos, gold, silver and canned food while begging for donations so we can 'keep getting the truth out.' Capable of basically embarrassing themselves when provoked.
'State National Guard' - Sometimes as many as 20 guys per state. Capable of enhancing careers of federal agents and infighting like schoolgirls when provoked.
National Guard Terminology:
'National Guard Headquarters' - Mom's basement, garage or the trailer of whoever has the fax machine.
'Enemy' - NWO, UN and other National Guard leaders who lie about me.
'Full auto' - Three in front seat, four in back, National Guard stuff in trunk.
'Operation' - Stuff the doctor does after the squad takes you to the hospital for hurting yourself.
'New World Order' - Bar codes on beer cans, warnings on cigarette packs, cameras in K-mart and anything else we don't like or understand.
'Common Law Grand Jury' - Ten or more old people practicing law without a clue.
'Federal Agent' - Any National Guard commander who says anything bad about me.
'Global Conspiracy' - Why tornados target our trailers, why our sisters/wives have facial hair and why we only manage to make minimum wage (even though many of us have a GED.)
'U.N. Troops' - Foreign soldiers hidden everywhere, sent in by NWO to spy on the National Guard. Anyone wearing anything light blue in color.
'Leaderless Resistance' - Where we do something really stupid without any pre-planning or supervision.
'Training' - Cleaning guns while eating MRE's and watching the movie 'Red Dawn.'
'God, Guns and Guts' - Well, we've got guns.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Life in the 1500's
* LIFE IN THE 1500'S *
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water.
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying. It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor.
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer.And that's the truth.
Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water.
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying. It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor.
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer.And that's the truth.
Now, whoever said History was boring ! !
Yesterday, December 7th...
Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.
The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.
Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American Island of Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the Japanese Government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.
Yesterday the Japanese Government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands. Last night the Japanese attacked Wake Island. This morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island.
Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.
As Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.
But always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounding determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.
I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December seventh, 1941 a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire.
The United States was at peace with that nation and, at the solicitation of Japan, was still in conversation with its Government and its Emperor looking toward the maintenance of peace in the Pacific.
Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced bombing in the American Island of Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. While this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.
It will be recorded that the distance of Hawaii from Japan makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time the Japanese Government has deliberately sought to deceive the United States by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.
Yesterday the Japanese Government also launched an attack against Malaya. Last night Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong. Last night Japanese forces attacked Guam. Last night Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands. Last night the Japanese attacked Wake Island. This morning the Japanese attacked Midway Island.
Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.
As Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense.
But always will we remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us.
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests are in grave danger.
With confidence in our armed forces - with the unbounding determination of our people - we will gain the inevitable triumph - so help us God.
I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December seventh, 1941 a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire.
NCO's and Officers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an NCO," says the balloonist. "I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "You must be an Officer". "I am" replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"
"Well," says the NCO, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an NCO," says the balloonist. "I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "You must be an Officer". "I am" replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"
"Well," says the NCO, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Privates to Sergeants
Two good ol' boys, Bubba and Junior get promoted from Privates to Sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Bubba says, "Hey, Junior - there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in and have us a drank."
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside.
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?!"
"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates."
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, "But we's Sergeants now!"
.
"But we's privates," protests Junior.
"NO, we's sergeants now," says Bubba, pulling him inside.
"Now, Junior, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drank."
"But, we's privates," says Junior.
"You blind, boy!" says Bubba, pointing at his stripes. "We's Sergeants now!"
So they order their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Bubba.
"You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to take you someplace and make you feel good -- but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."
Bubba pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Junior, go look in the dictionary and see what that gonorrhea means. If it's good, give me the okay sign."
Junior goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Bubba the big okay sign.
Three weeks later Bubba is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.
"Junior," he says, "What you give me the okay for?!"
"Well Bubba, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea only affects the privates."
Then he pointed to his stripes and says, "But we's Sergeants now!"
.
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